Sex Pistol
by ArtificialAorta
Summary: Punk guitarist Remus Lupin was never been a big fan of popular band 'The Marauders', but with a chance like this, how could he resist?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: So...I really wanted to write Remus with eye-liner, tattoos and as a general badass who knows what he wants. Combined with listening to punk music, this is what happened. I wanted to write a long story about it but ended up with just this bit that I liked a lot. May write more in this universe if people really seem to like it.

**Warnings**: An AU fic with M/M sexual deviancy and slight OOC on Remus' part. If you do not like M/M then you've been warned.

* * *

There were many things about being the highly sought after lead guitarist of a famous pop-rock band that Sirius found annoying. On top of the list were paparazzi and tabloid stories. Having to go to interviews and talk about his personal life, which he felt no one but him needed to know about, followed closely. Oh and the thousands of screaming women who wanted to shag him didn't hold much appeal either (though this distaste was rooted in the fact he was only attracted to men). He didn't want to sound like he was whining. On the contrary, he was extremely thankful that The Marauders were successful enough that he wouldn't have to pick up another part time job to pay bills ever again. Still, in a perfect world, he would just be able to release records, go on tour and not have not to deal with annoying PR.

But it was not a perfect world, which was why he was wandering around the Kerrang magazine office, trying to find his way to the room he was supposed to be having an interview in. In his distraction, he ended up bumping into a scruffy, spiky haired, raccoon-eyed man.

Although a majority of the 'punks' Sirius came across in his life tended to be loud, blindly rebellious hooligans, he found this tattooed man to be roguishly attractive. Sirius mumbled an apology, deciding that his assessment had been reached only because he was caught off guard. With a shrug, the spiky haired man walked right past Sirius, giving him an eyeful of the rather nice arse in skintight black jeans. In the middle of thoroughly enjoying the receding view, Sirius found himself suddenly looking at a groin. He quickly lifted his eyes away from the studded belt up to a smirking face. The amusement in the other man's eyes caused Sirius' face to heat up and in an attempt to not look like an utter fool, he focused on a row of stars tattooed on the side of the punk's neck.

Sirius had the sudden urge to lick the stars and realised that was a bad spot to focus on.

"You're that bloke from that band. You know, the one all the birds like? With the messy haired guy who has glasses." the man stated. He was looking Sirius up and down with a calculating glance, causing the red in Sirius' cheeks to spread to the rest of his face.

"Um yeah. I suppose." mumbled Sirius. Even though he got tired of recognition, it was still somewhat insulting to be described in such a general manner, especially by someone who was having such an effect on him.

"Well four-eyes is annoying Lily. I was looking for someone to distract him. Lily has enough assault charges at the moment."

After a moment of contemplating the tattoos scattered on the man's surprisingly toned arms, Sirius snapped out of his daydream and realised he was being looked at expectantly.

"Oh, where is he?"

While following sexy raccoon eyes, it snapped inside Sirius' head that his was Remus Lupin from the punk band Bella Donna. He had never really paid attention to the man in the magazine photos that James had constantly waved under his nose because he was always focusing on the finger pointing to Lily Evans. Truthfully, Sirius never understood the obsession The Mauradar's bassist had with the Bella Donna member who had a love of multi-coloured hair and general troublemaking but he wasn't planning on bursting James' bubble until his Lily magazine collection got out of hand.

Remus led him to a small room with a buffet table. Two women and Peter were standing by the table eating various snacks and watching in amusement as James continued to talk to Lily. James' back was turned but Sirius could see the aggravated sneer on Lily's face.

"James, there you are." Sirius said suddenly, startling James. The messy haired man turned around and tried to convey 'go away, I'm talking to the girl of my dreams' in one look. Sirius ignored it and went on with his quickly conceived plan.

"I've been looking for you. You too Pete. They want to start the interview."

"No, they just told us to go ahead and get something to eat while they work through some recording problems." stated James, annoyed that his one-side conversation had been interrupted. James could be a stubborn arse when he wanted to be and at the moment, Sirius wasn't in the mood to deal with it. He looked over to the buffet table to silently ask Peter for help. Instead, he caught sight of Remus holding an éclair and digging his fingers into the centre of the pastry roughly before pulling them out to reveal cream covered digits. Remus made eye contact with Sirius before smirking and licking the cream off languidly.

Sirius felt his throat tighten and eyes widen in shock as he watched Remus perform fallatio on his fingers. With a loud slurping noise, the raccoon eyed punk finished licking off his fingers before taking a large bite out of the éclair and winking.

"We should really go. Get it over with." squeaked Sirius. He was met with complaints from his two band members. One of the Bella Donna girls mentioned a bathroom break with a giggle and ended up dragging her two female band mates out of the room.

"Look what you did. She's gone now." complained James.

"Just grab some food and I'll meet you back in the other room." Sirius barked before turning around to find a quiet place where he could alleviate some of the pressure in his trousers. His stomach dropped when he realised Remus had got tired of sucking pastries and was leaning in the doorway. Paying close attention to his breathing, Sirius tried to appear nonchalant as he walked up to the exit. Remus scrutinised him with a knowing grin before bumping his body up against Sirius'. It was done in such a manner that to James and Peter, the action would appear aggressive but in reality it was causing Sirius' erection to grow rapidly.

"Oi, Sid Vicious, let him through." James almost growled, thinking a fight was about to break out. Thankfully, Remus backed off and let Sirius out so he could rush to the toilets.

That was probably one of the worst interactions he'd had since he'd left his awkward pubescent years behind him. Sirius was normally very good at keeping control of both his body functions and emotional well-being. In a few minutes, he had gone from stoic to wiping his sweaty palms nervously on the front of his trousers in a very uncouth manner. Anger mixed with arousal as he thought back to the sheer gall of the tattooed punk. Sure, Sirius was gay but he liked to think he exuded an air of asexuality. He wasn't sure if he wanted to wipe that smirk off with a punch or kiss. The toilet door was opened with an overly harsh kick but it made him feel a little better.

Gripping the sink tightly, Sirius let out a few calming breathes. Thoughts of his family caused the erection to go down rather quickly and he was about to make his way back out when the opening door shocked any progress made. A gasp died in his throat at the sight of Remus peering in.

"Thought I'd find you here." Remus said, cocksure grin in place. Sirius decided that the best plan of action was to tell Remus that he didn't know what the punk's problem was but he wasn't into men. At least he was planning to until he suddenly found Remus' tongue down his throat. Even though it was a harsh surprise, it was somehow pleasant. Remus tasted like chocolate éclairs and honey. He smelled even better and Sirius felt his eyes roll back in his head as the woody scent engulfed him.

The kiss only lasted half a minute but in that short span of time, Sirius felt any resistance fall away as Remus devoured his mouth and rubbed their groins together. Sirius was reluctant to let the kiss end but the raccoon-eyed punk tore away with a grunt. After the haze of want started to fade, Sirius realised Remus had lifted his shirt up and was writing something just under his navel in pen.

"Here's my number. If you ever need a good time, call." Remus said smoothly before licking the penned out string of numbers with the same languid effort he had given his fingers and walked out. The wet patch on Sirius' abdomen was tingling, almost pushing him over the edge. With shuddering breaths, he tried to will his erection down but it felt damn near impossible and rather futile at this point.

Arousal quickly gave way to slight panic at the thought of Remus telling a reporter about the encounter. Was this some sick revenge for James annoying Lily? That wasn't even his bloody fault! Turning on the tap and letting the cool water flow through his fingers, Sirius tried to bury the thought.

"Oh there you are Mr. Black. If you don't mind, can you come now? We're ready for you and the rest of the Marauders now." One of the Kerrang writers asked from the toilet entrance and Sirius couldn't help but find the irony in the words. He assured the writer that he would be out in a moment and went back to concentrating on all things unappealing.

Yes, there were many things that were simple thorns in Sirius' rock-star arse and arrogant punks had just become the most annoying.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: So as you guys liked the story so much, I decided to try and continue it. I sort of know where this may go and it seems to want to be smutty :) This is my first stab at smut fic..*blushes*, and to think I thought I'd never write smut...

**Warning/ Disclaimer**: JKR owns all. Also, if you don't like m/m relationships or somewhat graphic sexual scenes, do not read!

* * *

[Excerpt from _The Sun_]

Members of the popular Punk Rock band, Bella Donna, are well known for their destructive antics. Some say it even overshadows the music they play. Drummer, Dorcas Meadows, and guitarist Alice Mayapple are responsible for losing the band's spot in the American Warped Tour. Meadows seriously injured the girlfriend of Durmstrang's lead singer (another participating band of the tour) while Alice Mayapple is still currently under investigation for sexual harassment charges from members of several other bands. The bassist and singer, Lily Evans, punched reporter Rita Skeeter in an interview when questioned about her past relationship with Severus Snape.

It seems though that Lily can't seem to distance herself from her ex. Recently, a fight broke out between Bella Donna and Severus' metal band, The Death Eaters. It's not known who threw the first punch but as the pictures show, Bella Donna's Remus Lupin and The Death Eater's Lucius Malfoy appear to have been the most damaged…

* * *

Lily looked up, guilt ridden, as she watched Remus walk through the hotel room door with his arm still in a sling. While the doctors had been able to reduce the swelling in his black eye and split lip, it seemed they couldn't do anything to speed up the healing of his injured arm.

Even though all of Bella Donna ended up in the brawl with The Death Eaters, Remus had received most of the aggression. This was partly due to the fact the male dominated band had been somewhat hesitant to hurt the female members of Bella Donna and partly because Remus had called Lucius Malfoy an incompetent fucker who didn't know how to sing. Still, she knew that the fight had started because of her and Remus only stepped in when he saw the lies Lucius had sneered were starting to hurt Lily.

"I'm sorry." She apologized for the hundredth time.

"Nothing to be sorry for. I was the one who pissed him off enough to throw a punch."

"Yeah but if I hadn't let the things he said get to me-"

"Malfoy is a shit. He shouldn't even have been saying those things anyway. We wrote those songs together. We wrote those riffs, not Severus. Besides, what kind of a bullocks name is The Death Eaters?" Remus assertively said, causing Lily to smile. She attempted to give him a hug but he winced in pain.

"What did they say?"

"Worse than they thought. I won't be able to properly move my arm again for few weeks."

"I guess we'll just have to look for a replacement for the live shows. Though Alice can handle the first few alone."

"I'm sure there are a few guitar players who owe me a favour or two."

"Are you that confidant in your sexual prowess?"

"Now that one hurt," Remus grabbed his chest in mock pain, "I don't know if I can forgive you for that one."

"I've got something that will make you forgive me." Lily said, suddenly light again and bouncing off the couch to dig through a bag.

"I was just kidding you know." Before Remus could further persuade Lily that he held no ill feelings, she was waving a clear plastic bag in his face. The sweet grassy smell of marijuana put a large grin on Remus' face.

"Well if you insist."

They settled themselves comfortably on the hotel couch. As Lily started to roll the first joint, Remus' mobile rang. Irritated, he looked at his screen and saw he had just received a text message.

"Let me guess, one of your booty calls?"

"Well how else do you expect me to earn those favours? It can wait. Now light it up bitch."

* * *

Remus Lupin had a wicked tongue.

And it was Sirius Black's most esteemed honour to be experiencing this first hand. Although that first bathroom kiss was a preview of what talents that tongue held, it had been a pale introduction to the tricks he was using it to perform now.

Sirius looked down at the man between his legs. He had the urge to trace a hand down the tattooed arms but settled with gripping the spiky hair to push Remus down further.

"Oi, Sirius!" James shouted from outside his door.

Really, that man had the worst timing in all of history. Besides, how the hell did he get through the front door of the flat complex without Sirius buzzing him in? Sirius was about tell him to bugger off when Remus shifted slightly and made stars appear in front of Sirius' eyes.

"Wake up you berk!" James continued to shout while pounding on the door. In confusion, Sirius looked over at the door before looking back down at the punk who didn't seem to notice the loud shouts.

"SIRIUS!"

With a gasp, Sirius finally woke up sticky and sweating in between hotel bed sheets. On the other side of the hotel room door, James was still pounding and shouting about an early morning performance.

"You have five minutes before I kick down this door, you bastard! We need to be in the lobby _now_!"

"All right! I'm up!" Sirius shouted back and James started to ease up on the door.

"Well hurry up!"

Sighing, Sirius stood up only to realise that while Remus's fantastic blowjob had been a dream, his erection wasn't. At least this time he had access to a cold shower. Deciding to forgo a shave this morning, he quickly shed his clothes and made his way towards the bathroom. He stopped for a moment in front of the mirror when he noticed the fading number under his navel. In a moment of weakness, he quickly grabbed a pen and notepad from the bedside table and scribbled down the number.

It wasn't likely that he would ever use it but it was always good to have the mobile numbers of different celebrities for reference...right?

* * *

"You look like shite. You sure you're up to performing?" Peter asked Sirius as they waited in the green room for the call to go to the _Daybreak_ performance stage. At the concerned voice, James looked up from playing Guitar Hero on his iPhone.

"Did you get any sleep last night? You're normally the one waking me up." James asked, pausing the game and pocketing his mobile. That morning's dream was still fresh in Sirius' mind but he really wasn't planning on discussing its ramifications with James and Peter, no matter how close he was to them. They still thought Sirius' change in attitude at the Kerrang interview had been due to Remus picking a fight in the toilets, not a rather colourful sexual encounter. In an attempt to pacify their curiosity, he shrugged off their concern to lack of sleep, hoping they would take a hint.

"They should be calling us in any time now, shouldn't they?"

Before Sirius could decide on a better diversion topic, the green room door opened. The Marauders started to stand up, expecting the okay to proceed but were all surprised to find a rather battered Remus Lupin walking through the door. Even though Remus looked rather worse for wear with an arm in a sling and a nasty looking black eye, Sirius still felt his heart race. His eyes were drawn to the numerous shiny chains hanging off Remus' belt loops and noticed one of them was a pair of handcuffs.

"Like the handcuffs? You should come and play with them sometime. Not necessarily in that order." Remus leered and winked with his good eye, causing Sirius to blush. The dirty look was similar to the one he had dreamed about and the memory caused the rest of Sirius' face to turn red. He took out his mobile and pretended to be engrossed in it, hoping his band mates wouldn't notice his seemingly peculiar embarrassment.

"How the hell did you get here? What do you want? If you're here to harass Sirius then you can piss off. Look, I don't know what you're bloody problem is-" James started but was cut off.

"I'm not here to humiliate pretty boy over there, that's just an added bonus. I snuck in 'cause a friend of mine works in the studio and owes me a favour, not that it's any of your business. I'll be off shall I?" Remus turned to leave and Sirius risked lifting his head to watch him go. Just as Remus reached the door, he turned around and gave Sirius the best smirk he could with a split lip.

"Offer still stands."

The three men stayed still for a few moments after the door shut. Although Sirius' face was still flushed, he could still feel blood rushing down to his groin. He wondered how it was even physically possible to have enough blood for both ends of his body as he vaguely listened to James discuss the horrible lack of security and the stupid, annoying punk.

How the fuck did Remus Lupin's offer look so tempting when the man in question looked like utter shit? Sirius could feel his normal reservation towards getting involved in any sort of relationship start to loosen dangerously. He didn't know what strange influence Remus Lupin had on him, but he couldn't think of a way this would situation would end well.

Finally, the band received their cue and started to make their way towards the stage but Sirius couldn't get the flashes of his dream out of his head. With a sinking feeling in his gut, Sirius stepped up to the microphone and put on a fake smile before the cameras.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: 2 chapters! At one time! Whoo! I had a lot of fun writing in different styles though. Hope you enjoy!  
**A/N2**: The idea for Dorcas' jacket actually comes from fLee, who is a mod for the Emilie Autumn forum.

* * *

[Excerpt from Kerrang interview of Bella Donna]

**So how did the band form?**

**Lily Evans**: Oh, well me and Dorcas had already been playing a few gigs with Severus [Snape, now guitarist of The Death Eaters and Evan's ex-boyfriend] on guitar and had some demos recorded. But shit happens and he left to play with that metal band [The Death Eaters] and since he was my boyfriend in the first place, Dorcas wanted me to find the replacement.

**Dorcas Meadow**s: Well it was only fair. She convinced me to let him join.

**LE**: Anyway, after a couple of weeks, I hadn't found anyone but one day I was walking around and saw this beat up car with a guitar sticking out an open window. Even if the guy didn't want to play with us, I thought maybe he'd know some people and by this point I was desperate. So I just sat on the car hood until he came back.

**Remus Lupin**: I had driven down from Nottingham and didn't have anyplace to go. I was low on cash and had been living in my car for the past couple of months. I wasn't in the mood to stand around and chat 'cause I just nicked a few things for my dinner.

**LE**: And when he tried to drive away, I just hopped into the passenger seat through the open window.

**RL**: I thought you were insane. [Laughs]

**Alice Mayapple**: I would have done the same thing just if I passed you on the street, Remus. Though my intentions would have been less pure.

**RL**: I don't date band mates, sorry Alice.

**DM**: Ignore them; they're always like that. Anyway, I never thought Lily could get another guitarist. I just wanted to make her sweat. I knew Alice through a mutual friend and she was interested.

**AM**: More so after I saw Remus.

**LE**: And we thought that two guitarists were better than one. At least this time we'd have a back up if we lose one right?

**DM**: Lily's not allowed to date anyone in the band either. I think that helps.

**LE**: [Laughs] _Oi_!

* * *

[Excerpt from Guitar World interview with Remus Lupin and Alice Mayapple]

**GW**_: __**Angel Teeth**_** has a very different sound from your EP **_**Here Comes Your Man**_**. Why is that?**

**Remus Lupin: **It's shit. The EP I mean.

**GW****: Now I wouldn't say that exactly…**

**Alice Mayapple: **No he's right. It's okay to say it is.

**RL**: We had literally just formed at that time. Lily and Dorcas had some demos that the indie label liked but all the guitar parts were written by their old guitarist. Alice and I both agreed we didn't want to record something that wasn't ours and take the credit. Also the guy's a dick and would have made a fuss about using his riffs anyway.

**AM:** Still has and they aren't even _his_ licks- but yeah, we were still trying to find our sound. We hadn't played together but four times when we had to go to the studio. So the EP was a lot of just everyone making up shit as they went and building on top of that. Oh and we listened to a lot of Pixies at the time which is why it sounded like a Pixies rip off band. The title was supposed to poke fun at it all but none of it was cohesive. If we had more time to work on it, it might have been though.

**RL**: Yeah and I wasn't a very good guitar player then. I mean, I was okay but I wasn't anything talented. I actually only joined the band because I was out of cash and Lily offered me a place to stay. Obviously, the EP didn't sell well and the label dropped us soon after.

**GW: You guys were dropped by Dirty Records but picked up later by XL Recordings right?**

**AM**: Yeah, we were gutted at the drop but it was sort of what we needed. It forced us to just live together and work on the music for a year.

**RL**: Poverty forced us to live together-

**AM**: Okay, poverty forced us together, but then we just kept on playing and got much better. Eventually a rep from XL saw us perform and signed us.

**GW: Remus, you said you weren't a very good guitarist before. How would you say you improved?**

**RL:** Well, I guess I just practiced more. I could do power chords and all that but wasn't too fast with riffs. I never took playing seriously until I met the girls. But yeah, just kept on practicing- lots of bloody fingertips.

**AM:** The only reason we kept him on in the first place was because we thought he was cute. Couldn't play guitar worth shit. I'm a good teacher though.

**RL**: [laughs] She kept on groping me and I eventually realised I needed to improve quickly to keep her advances at bay.

* * *

[Excerpt from the Daily Mail]

Recently, Dorcas Meadows of Bella Donna has angered many in the punk community for wearing a jacket with "Sid Vicious Was A W**ker" embroidered on the back. Although often labeled a Punk Rock band, the members have constantly picked fights with others from the post-punk movement. The most recent alteration has been between Dorcas Meadows and Towers of London front man, Donny Tourette.

* * *

**Bella Donna**

_From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia_

**Bella Donna** is an English punk rock band that formed in Camden, London, in the summer of 2006. The band formed when Lily Evans (bassist and vocals) and Dorca Meadows (drummer) met at a concert and complained about the quality of the music. Severus Snape joined the band as guitarist for a short duration before leaving once a demo disc was being recorded. Eventually, Remus Lupin (rhythm guitar and vocals) and Alice Mayapple (lead guitar) joined. Soon after, the band wrote and recorded their first EP, _Here Comes Your Man,_ released in 2007. Large recognition didn't occur until 2009, when they released their first full-length album, _Angel Teeth_.

* * *

[Excerpt from Bust Magazine interview with Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadows]

**Lily Evans**: Ugh we hate that label.

**Dorcas Meadows**: Yeah, we never considered ourselves punks but other people started calling us it and now it just feels limiting. We just make music we think is good and so fucking what if it veers from a punk sound? So what if we dress or act like punks but piss off self-proclaimed punks like Donny Torrette? He's a prick who wouldn't know a good song if it slapped him in the face.

**LE**: He grabbed Dorcas' bum one time after a show. That's why she hates him- to get the record straight.

**DM**: He's a fucking idiot. I wanted to slap him with my copy of _49 Double Standards_.

**Bust: ****You're obviously well read. That's one of my favorites. Dorcas, you have been known to do a bit of women's rights work. Can you tell us about it?**

**DM:** Sure. I've been interested in women's rights since I was 16. When you look tough and act tough, but still get harassed or your friends get raped, it sort of shows you that we really need a lot of changes. I know I don't look like the poster advocate for safe streets or anything, but I try to help out at women's shelters and organize peaceful protests and all that. A friend of mine, Emmeline Vance, set up a battered women's shelter in Camden and whenever we're in town, the band and I go over to volunteer.

**LE:** We've also been putting more politics in our songs. The next album is probably going to have more of our political opinions. Dorcas and me are actually going to work on a single with some of the guys from Anti-Flag.

* * *

[From Radar Online website]

**Bella Donna Bombshells Off The Hook**

Good news for Bella Donna for the Bella Donna girls Lily Evans and Alice Mayapple. All known lawsuits against them have been either settled or dropped.

Yesterday, officials reported that all sexual harassment charges against Alice Mayapple have been dropped. The charges appeared promptly after the band was kicked out of the Warped Tour for "offending and exasperating" various bands. The charges have been dropped due to Mayapple issuing a formal apology to those offended.

Although Lily Evans has not been as lucky, popular tabloid writer Rita Skeeter has agreed to not take the slap happy punk to court on assault and battery charges. Both women have been able to settle on an undisclosed sum to be paid to Rita for "physical and grievous mental compensation".

* * *

**Remus Lupin**

_From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia_

Remus John Lupin (born on 10 March 1986) is an English musician, best known for singing and playing guitar for Bella Donna.

**Early Life**

Remus Lupin was born in Nottingham, England to John and Ava Lupin. His father was a commercial pilot who left when Remus was 4 years old, leaving Ava, a nurse, to raise Remus on her own.

Growing up, Remus was described as a "skinny, shy but intelligent boy who was often subjected to ridicule and teasing". At the age of 13, he became friends with a boy who introduced him to bands such as The Ramones, Pixies, Sonic Youth and The Clash. In interviews, Remus has described that moment in his life to be "pivotal in shaping who [he is] today." It sparked his teenage rebellion and resulted in Remus shoplifting, getting into violent fights with those who previously bulllied him and rapidly dropping grades. In response, Ava Lupin bought Remus a guitar in hopes to divert his attention but Remus' wild behavior continued.

At 16, Remus ran away from home and squatted with a group of friends in various abandoned factory buildings. During this period, Remus earned money through odd jobs. Remus has said in interviews that his memories of this year are fuzzy because he was "drunk and high most of the time". After a violent fistfight, he was taken to a hospital where his mother saw him and convinced him to move back home.

In 2007, at the age of 20, Remus drove down to London in an attempt to avoid paying a fine (which has since been paid). There he met Lily Evans and joined the alternative punk band, Bella Donna.

* * *

[From TMZ website]

**Remus Lupin****—Temporarily Replaced for Live Shows**

After his alteration with The Death Eaters, Bella Donna has announced Remus Lupin will not play guitar for the next few weeks of concerts due to his injuries though he will still sing. The new guitarist is said to be a friend of Remus but a name has yet to be given.

* * *

[Excerpt from Alternative Press interview with Remus Lupin]

**AP: Did the band ever expect to become so well known?**

**Remus Lupin:** No. I might have joined because they needed a guitarist for the EP but after we were dropped, it was more about fun. The fact that I can actually pay bills because of this blows my mind. It's still weird for me when I get recognized on the street or if people ask for an autograph but I try to take it in stride.

**AP: Would you say the fame has changed you?**

**RL:** Not really. Though it's harder to steal things when a lot of people know who you are.

**AP: I think a few celebrities have run into that issue. Though if you're paying bills I would have thought that included those in a store.**

**RL:** I buy shit most of the time but old habits are hard to kill. If I don't think something's worth the money I'll just nick it. Don't take this as some crime confession for the police or anything though.

**AP:** **Well I think it helps answers the question about fame changing you.**

**RL:** [Laughs] Yeah I guess it has.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer/Warning**: This chapter contains vivid sexual scenes between two men. If you don't like it, don't read and don't flame.

**A/N**: my first smut. *blushes* I have reached the point of no return and I quite like it :p Hope you do too.

* * *

While taking a gulp from his third beer and stretching out on his sofa, Sirius decided it was nice being home. Not that he ever really spent much time in this flat. He had bought it about four months ago but from all the touring, was only able to spend a handful of nights here.

Now, at 1 AM, he was rediscovering some of the reasons he had bought it. One of which was the amazing view of London. Another happened to be the security that made it impossible for any paparazzo to wait at any of the numerous entrances and exits. Plus, the guest room had been converted to a small studio and there was a private gym a few floors down. Essentially, he'd never have to leave.

Sirius finished the rest of his beer and belched before getting up to get another. Once that beer was halfway done, he looked into his fridge for something to ease his self towards sobriety. There was nothing in it besides more alcohol and a dodgy lo mien. Making a mental note to call out for groceries, Sirius walked back to his sofa. The beer made him feel a little fuzzy around the edges but not sleepy. Closing his eyes for a moment, Sirius attempted to let sleep take him but the recent American tour still had him working in a different time zone. The possibility of calling over James or Peter flickered through his mind but he rejected that idea quickly. They had been spending the past six months with each other. Even though they were more of his brothers than his actual brother, Sirius knew they needed a few weeks break from one another.

Reaching out blindly for his beer, Sirius cursed when he knocked it off the coffee table and onto the white carpet. Jumping up sluggishly, he looked around for something to soak up the alcohol and ended up just throwing a nearby magazine on it until he could go get a towel. Once he had sufficiently soaked up the beer but not necessarily removed the new stain, Sirius took a look at the soaking guitar magazine. The pages were starting to clump together and the ink ran. Taking it by a corner, he carried it over to the bin but as he was doing so, a few of the pages under his thumb tore and he magazine opened to an interview of the Bella Donna guitarists.

Staring at the picture of Remus made Sirius contemplate calling the punk.

But that would be silly right? Even if he _were_ up around this time and in the country, would he even pick up? Would he just ignore the call? In his beer haze, Sirius decided that he had nothing to lose and if Remus picked up and acted like he didn't remember him, then he could feign a wrong number.

It took a bit of time before Sirius found the old hotel note pad with Remus' number in one of his guitar cases and he promptly dialed. By about the fourth ring, Sirius decided that Remus wasn't going to answer and considered just hanging up. Suddenly, the ringing was cut off and Sirius heard shuffling, loud music and shouts.

"Hello?" Remus asked.

"SHEEENA IS! A PUNK ROCKER!" a voice belted on Remus' end of the line and Sirius had to move the mobile away from his ear for a moment.

"Oi? Who is this?" continued Remus, annoyed. Sirius took a deep breath before answering tentatively.

"Hey, um Remus? It's Sirius. Black."

"Who..._oh_," his voice took on a smoother and deeper quality, "I remember. I was starting to think you weren't going to call."

"Um...yeah we were out of the country for a bit. How have you been?"

"All right I guess. Just at a party now."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't think- I'll let you get back to it then."

"No it's fine. Nobody'll miss me. You want me to come over? You in London now?"

"Yeah but you don't have to go out of your way-"

"Where are you?"

After telling Remus quick directions, an assurance of getting there in half an hour was made and Sirius was left looking confused at his mobile. He'd only called up for a chat...at least he thought he did. Honestly he didn't know why he had called up Remus. True, he was feeling a bit lonely but he didn't think Remus would pick up, no less actually insist on going to his flat.

What had he gotten himself into? With dread in the pit of his stomach, Sirius called the security downstairs and let them know a rather disheveled punk would be arriving and not to worry.

Sirius started to fall into a light doze when a sharp knock startled him. Realising Remus had arrived, he briefly considered changing out of his sweatpants and baggy shirt attire but knew there wasn't enough time.

And that he shouldn't be worrying too much for just a punk who once licked him in a magazine office toilet.

Sirius made his way towards the door while mentally berating his self. The door was pulled open with a swift movement, revealing Remus Lupin leaning against the doorframe and looking rather proud. Time away made Sirius forget the confident and somewhat sexual aura the man exuded. Remus' arm and face appeared to have fully healed, given that he was using the once injured arm to prop his self up. He was also wearing tight black jeans with various chains hanging off the loops and a studded leather jacket. Thick, smudged black eyeliner surrounded his eyes and Sirius had the urge to run a hand through the punk's spiky hair.

"Nice place you got. Almost thought they weren't going to let me up." Remus observed, sounding somewhat impressed.

"Uh, you want to..." Sirius shifted and extended his arm in invitation for Remus to enter the flat. As the punk walked by, Sirius got a whiff of smoke, weed and sweat. It made his stomach sick. He didn't want to seem like a downer but he was very much against most drugs and in general smoking of any substance. Horrible for the voice and a waste of money that fucked you up in the long run. He'd met enough drug-abusing musicians to know he didn't want to become that.

After taking a quick look around the room, Remus noticed the frown on Sirius' face.

"What? Change your mind now I've come all this way? That's rude you know."

"No, just. Nothing. I mean, I don't like weed is all." Sirius said as he turned to close the door, missing the roll of Remus' eyes.

"Not like I'm asking you to take a hit."

"No but I've never liked the smell to be honest."

"Is this your way of asking to take a shower together? You get straight to the point. I'm surprised and a little impressed."

"I'm not asking- what are you doing?" before Sirius could explain himself better, Remus started to undress. The leather jacket was thrown at Sirius' chest and a shirt that had seen better days was thrown on top of his head as he was still trying to figure out what was happening.

Sirius stood there, mouth agape, as Remus asked where the shower was. For a moment, Sirius just stared at the half naked body of Remus Lupin. The tattoos that stained his body were mostly on his arms and neck but a few were on his sides and his hip had what appeared to be the top of an elephant whose legs were hidden beneath his trousers. It caused Sirius' eye to stray to the dark blonde fuzz peaking up above the fly, confirming his suspicion that the punk dyed his hair. After blinking a few times, Sirius mutely pointed towards the direction of his bedroom and main bathroom. Just as Remus started to walk down the hallway, Sirius realised that the punk _actually_ had the intention of bathing.

Still carrying Remus' clothes, Sirius followed the other man, frowning at the trail that was being left behind. A pair of old, dirty converses, chains and trousers had been dropped precariously like a sexual breadcrumb trail. Sirius picked up each item, placing them all on the desk in his bedroom. The moment he had walked in, he heard the shower running. Suddenly feeling nervous and unsure, Sirius split time between pacing and sitting down on the edge of his bed. After a few minutes of indecision, he eventually took off his shirt and sweatpants before lying down in the middle of the bed.

He closed his eyes when he heard the shower being shut off and kept them closed when he heard Remus padding into the room. After a thick silence, Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus standing right in front of him at the edge of the bed. A larger towel was wrapped around his waist as he finished up drying his hair with a hand towel. Stray water droplets were still on his shoulders and at the sight, Sirius could feel himself starting to get hard.

Before Sirius found any words, Remus noticed his clothes on the desk and smiled. Without a word, Remus walked over and dug through the pockets of the leather jacket before pulling out a small bottle of lube and a few condoms. The punk walked back to the bed and tossed the items on the edge before crawling on.

"So, where you've been for the past couple of months?" Remus asked casually as he crawled on top of Sirius, legs on either side of his hips. There was still some eyeliner residue around Remus' light blue eyes though his flopping black hair threatened to cover them completely. It was a small change but still altered his appearance enough that it threw Sirius off a little.

"Uh, America. Touring and promoting, you know." Sirius was trying to appear cool and composed, like it was completely normal to call someone you barely knew and have them come over in the middle of the night so they could lick a trail up your chest and make your heart beat like a nervous, caged hummingbird.

"Mmmhmm." Remus hummed, working his tongue around one of Sirius' nipples and trailing a hand sensually towards the elastic of his boxer briefs.

"Love playing live shows but it's the PR work I ha-_fuck_!" A hand was tightly wrapped around Sirius' quickly growing cock, thumb rubbing at the tip. Before he could start babbling again, Remus let go of his cock and plunged his tongue into Sirius' mouth. Their tongues wrestled for dominance and Sirius felt excitement prickle through his skin, causing him to arch and run nails down Remus' back.

With a moan, Remus broke away from the kiss and nipped at Sirius' bottom lip before starting a trail of love bites at his neck and going down to his navel. The more licks Remus placed on Sirius, the needier Sirius' groans became. Sirius would have been ashamed of the noises being retched out of his throat if want wasn't threatening to burst through his chest. Remus knew how to use his tongue and any fear or regret Sirius had felt before this moment was easily forgotten.

Once Remus reached Sirius' navel, he paid particular attention to the area between it and his hip. It only took a few expert licks and nips before Sirius tried to hump the air, begging.

"God- just, _do_ something. Please."

The punk didn't need telling twice. Swiftly, he pulled off Sirius' boxer briefs and threw them onto the floor before taking Sirius' cock into his mouth and sucking at the tip _hard._ A slew of incomprehensible curses escaped Sirius' mouth as Sirius felt himself stumbling towards the edge. He placed a hand in Remus' damp hair and tried to urge him down lower.

Instead, Remus licked Sirius from base to tip before sitting up. Any complaint Sirius had caught in his throat when Remus took off the towel around his waist to reveal his hard cock. Pre-cum was starting to drip from the tip and the realisation of what was going to happen made Sirius' gut drop uncomfortably. He focused his gaze on the stilted Dali elephant on Remus' hip and leg, then tried to read the passages tattooed on the punk's other leg.

Sirius was brought back to reality at the popping of the lube cap. Slicked fingers touching his opening caused Sirius to jump in panic.

"Wha- what are you doing?" He asked, sitting up and pulling his legs against his chest.

"I was going to lube you up. Didn't think you'd want me to ride you without it."

"I'm not sure if I want to do that."

"Well I don't bottom."

"No I mean, I'm not sure if I want to do any of _that_," Sirius tried to indicate all anal play with an odd swipe of his hands, causing Remus to snicker.

"All right blossom, I'll not deflower you if that's what you want."

"I'm not some blushing virgin Lupin." Sirius growled, starting to become angry at the other man's arrogance.

"Are we going to at least frot?" asked Remus expectantly, using the lube on his fingers to slick up his own cock instead. The condescension in his voice made anger boil through Sirius' gut. "Am I gonna need to put on a condom for that too?"

"So you're fine with sucking me off but you start to second guess safety when my cock's next to yours?" Sirius replied with a sneer. An amused chuckle was Remus' answer before he lifted up one of Sirius' legs roughly to place a sharp slap on his arse. It went straight to Sirius' cock and a groan stumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"You're just asking for a cock up your tight arse, you know that?" whispered Remus with a sneer, wrapping Sirius' legs around his waist in order to try and line up their cocks. Sirius used this to his advantage and was able to twist them around so he was on top. Pushing the side of Remus' face into the bed, Sirius bent over and sucked at the star tattoos on the punk's neck, bringing out a whimper from Remus. Sirius sucked hard enough to cause a love bite before moving to Remus' earlobe, enjoying the whimpers turn into breathy, desperate moans.

Suddenly, Remus pushed Sirius back down so Sirius was again flat on his back, legs still wrapped around Remus.

"Promise I don't have any dirty STIs. Got tested last week." Remus leered, lust filled eyes piercing through Sirius. Growling, Sirius grabbed Remus' forearms and dug what little nails he had into them, hoping it would weaken the pressure Remus was using to keep Sirius pressed against the mattress. The growls quickly became moans as Remus started to rub their cocks together roughly. It took a minute or so for them to get into a rhythm but soon, Sirius was pushing up to every thrust Remus gave, eyes rolling back into his head from the sheer pleasure. Shifting slightly, Remus pressed his chest against Sirius. Their noses bumped as they breathed heavily into each other's mouths until Remus placed his lips next to Sirius' ear. The hot breath and toe curling moans pushed Sirius closer and his hips started to move against Remus' faster until their rhythm stuttered.

A glass-shattering moan left Sirius' lips as he came hard enough think the stars on Remus' neck were floating in the air. Remus used Sirius cum to slick up his still hard cock a little more and in a few pumps, Remus swiftly followed.

After a few minutes of lying limply in each other's arms and trying to catch their breath, Remus rolled over, sticky with sweat and cum. Once their breathing became less erratic, they cleaned up quickly with tissues on the bedside table before tangling in each other's limbs.

"I should get going." Remus said, making no attempt to actually move. Nonetheless, the suggestion made Sirius feel cheap.

"No, you don't have to-"

"You want me to stay?" asked Remus, genuinely surprised.

"It's late. There's room enough for two here." Sirius reasoned, hoping he didn't sound too lonely or pathetic. While Remus had angered him off, it was still the best shag he'd ever had and the whole point of the call was so he wouldn't be alone.

Remus didn't say anything else but he started to shift until he was able to pull the covers over the both of them. Satisfied, Sirius turned off the light switch next to the bed and made himself comfortable, using Remus' chest as a pillow.

* * *

Sirius woke up from a very good night's sleep the next day with a few aches but not worse for wear. Stretching, he was disappointed when his arm fell onto empty space instead of a warm body. Sitting up with a sigh, Sirius looked at his desk but was surprised to find Remus' clothes still there. He padded to the bathroom for a piss and caught sight of himself in the mirror. Love bites covered his neck, chest and abdomen. It made him glad that he didn't have to be seen for a few weeks. Thinking about what the tabloids would say if they got a hold of pictures with love bites on his neck made him shudder.

When Sirius was done with the bathroom, he quickly put on a fresh pair of boxer briefs before looking for Remus. It didn't take long to find the other man, who was rummaging through the kitchen in a pair of red silk boxers that Sirius was sure were fished out of his drawers. Remus opened the fridge before realising Sirius was watching him.

"Nice to see you've got a balanced diet." Remus observed, looking at all the alcohol in the fridge.

"I told you I haven't been home for a while."

Remus shrugged, picking out a rather expensive bottle of champagne and opening it. Champagne frothed out of the neck and he tried to slurp what he could from his wet hands before taking a messy sip from the bottle. Sirius watched transfixed as champagne ran down Remus' mouth to his neck and chest. When he noticed the way he was being watched, Remus smirked and offered the bottle to Sirius.

Sirius took a tentative sip before placing the bottle on the counter. Suddenly, Sirius took one of Remus' hands and sucked off the champagne from his fingers. Remus watched contently as Sirius worked a tongue down his arm and across his chest until he was sucking on the love bite by stars on his neck.

"I can order take out." Sirius whispered before pecking Remus on the lips and looking for a few menus he was sure he had somewhere. A pair of sticky tattooed arms looped around his waist, pulling him until his back was flat against Remus' chest. He could feel Remus' cock rising rapidly.

"Maybe in a little bit." moaned Remus, nibbling on Sirius' ear.

* * *

The sound of cursing and screaming reached Remus' ears the moment he opened the front door of the flat he shared with Lily. Following the sounds to the living room, Remus was amused but not surprised to find Lily and Alice in a heated Guitar Hero battle.

"Take that you bitch!" Alice shouted as she hit Lily with an attack, causing Lily to frantically push one of the buttons on her controller. Dorcas was laying down on the sofa with her legs dangling off an arm, one eye on the game another on her mobile. The three women were wearing a mix of their knickers and clothes from the night before. Judging by the tea mugs and dirty dishes, they had probably woken up an hour or so ago. After a few moments, Dorcas finally looked up and noticed Remus snorting in the doorway.

"Good, was starting to wonder if you got arrested." she said, raising her eyebrows. The other two women only spared a glance and quick hellos before going back to their game. Remus shrugged and sat down in the space next to Dorcas, letting her shift over so she could place her head on his lap.

"Where were you?"

"Booty call!" Lily shouted with glee as the attack from Alice finally started to wear off.

"Red's right." Remus said bluntly, laughing as Dorcas shifted away from him in disgust.

"Warn a girl will you? I just washed my hair. I don't want your or some stranger's cum in it." She complained, rubbing her hair on the back of Alice's shirt.

"I don't mind. You can cum on me anytime Remus." Alice laughed, sending another attack Lily's way.

"Innuendo's aside; who was the lucky man? It's been days. I thought you had an automatic homing device sewn into you that went off after a fuck." observed Dorcas. Remus shrugged, trying to ignore her inquisitive gaze and the interest peaking from the Guitar Hero competitors. She reached over to try and look at the love bite on Remus' neck under an upturned collar but he pushed her hands away.

"He gave me free alcohol and warm meals."

"Oh I bet he gave you a warm meal," said Alice, innuendo oozing from her every word, "Lupin can't resist a hard cock can he?"

"You have nothing of merit to say Miss Sexual Harassment Case." Remus shot back.

"Oi, it was dropped!"

"Funny, that's what got you in the mess in the first place."

"Still doesn't answer who you were shagging for the past three days." Alice said, promptly shutting Remus up. With a triumphant cry, she raised her controller as the screen announced she was the winner of the round.

"So you're still not gonna tell us who you just had a fuck-fest with?" Lily sighed with disappointment from losing the battle. Alice was currently doing a victory dance involving punching the air and kicking in circles and wasn't paying much attention anymore.

"When has it ever mattered?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Frankie Long**

_From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia_

**Frank Longbottom** is a British multi-instrumentalist singer-songwriter who performs under the moniker Frankie Long. He received international acclaim in 2004 with his debut album _Soul Rebel_ at the age of 19. _Soul Rebel_ won Long a number of awards including three BRIT awards and two Grammys.

For a short time, Frankie Long was a guitarist for the band The Marauders before the band went on to fame. At the suggestion of Marauder's front man Sirius Black, Long left the band to pursue a solo career.

* * *

The moment the hostess caught sight of Sirius walking through the door, she led him quickly towards one of the private back rooms. Sirius had visited the high-end restaurant enough times that the room he always took his meals in was decorated to suit his tastes. Entering the closed off room, Sirius was somewhat surprised to find Frank Longbottom sipping wine and reading a magazine at the table.

"Well if it isn't Britain's answer to John Mayer." Sirius said, causing Frank to snicker into his wine. Sirius asked for his normal mineral water and lemon slice before the hostess quickly exited the room.

"My music is better than his _and_ I get more sex. Need I to mention my dashing looks as well?" Frank stated as Sirius took a seat.

"Humble as ever. I'm surprised though, you're normally late." Sirius observed.

"Avoiding a bird. A lingerie model actually. Great tits but clingy. Have you seen this atrocity?" Frank complained, pushing the magazine towards Sirius. With a raised eyebrow, Sirius picked up the copy of _Heat_.

"Your taste in reading has gone down since the last time we talked." joked Sirius, causing Frank to cross his arms defiantly.

"Look through the main article. Sexiest Men in the UK."

"What's wrong? Upset you're not included?"

"No, I'm in it. You are too by the way. Above me as well."

"_Oh_," Sirius chuckled, finally understanding Frank's misplaced concern. "Are you upset that I rank higher than you in a stupid poll?"

"Well I think it's only fair if I'm above you. You don't even like women."

"And you shag every single one you meet."

"Hey not _every_ single one. I have standards. At least I don't make the people I shag sign confidentiality contracts. Bet they have to call their lawyer before they come."

"There's nothing wrong with making sure your love life isn't broadcasted everywhere. In fact it says right here it makes me mysterious. You should take a leaf from my book. Maybe you'll be knocked up a few numbers." Sirius tried to say with a straight face but he couldn't stop a small smirk tug at the corners of his mouth.

He'd met Frank at the age of 12 during his time in school. Truthfully, back then he'd never paid much attention to the loner until he broke up a fight between Frank and Regulus. Despite the rocky meeting, they got along quite well and had been helping each other in the industry ever since. Nowadays, they were both so famous that they didn't need to anymore. Still, they always met up for a lunch or dinner to catch up and the banter was always amusing.

"Hey, all publicity is good publicity." Frank stated matter-of-factly.

"You're starting to sound like my PR rep. He's always suggesting I do things to try and cause gossip."

"He's just doing his job."

"I know-" They were interrupted by a waiter bringing Sirius' water and asking for their orders. Frank was surprised when Sirius ordered a large deep fried dish. When the waiter left, he made his surprise vocal.

"Someone's daring. What's with the change?"

"What? Can't I order something different once in a while?"

"You always order a salad for lunch because of your 'health'."

"I just wanted something more. I'm a little hungry today." Sirius shrugged, trying to hide his unease by flipping casually through _Heat_. The truth was he was a little peckish from his three-day shag marathon with Remus. The two men had come three more times that morning before Sirius left to meet up with Frank. They'd ordered in food over the course of the last few days but he had yet to eat anything substantial today. He also had a bit of a hangover right now and was also hoping a larger, slightly greasy meal might help it.

"You're also looking a little scruffy. Normally you're well groomed." Frank watched Sirius with suspicion. He might not be as close as James or Peter were with Sirius but he had quite the eye for detail. After watching Sirius flip through _Heat_ and try to make small talk, something clicked. In a quick motion, Frank reached over and pulled off the small scarf Sirius had decided to wear around his neck on a relatively warm day.

"Oi!" Sirius shouted, scrambling after the scarf before quickly trying to hide the numerous love bites with his hands.

"You've been having sex! A lot of it." Frank finally said with a grin as he handed back the scarf. Sirius grumpily grabbed the scarf and tied it around his neck securely before he went back to acting nonchalant but it didn't fool Frank.

"I've no idea what you're on about. It's an allergic reaction to some...thing."

"That is _not_ a rash. Wow, I didn't know you had it in you. So who was it? One person or a bunch?"

"I don't know-"

"I _know_ all about sex. Remember, I'm Frankie Long? The-"

"Philanderer of Britain?"

"Not the word I was going to use but yes. Men or women, I can tell when someone's shagged out."

"It's not..." Sirius started but was unable to think of a reply and decided to focus his attention back to the magazine.

"I _knew_ it. Now I can't see you at an orgy or anything, so it must have been one person. Who? Was it that male model I suggested? Groupie?"

"No, I'm not going to talk about this."

"Wasn't a prostitute was it?"

"No he wasn't!" Sirius exclaimed, much to the amusement of Frank.

"That's a relief. No good can come of that. Just get reprimanding calls in the middle of the night from your mother...uh, not that I'd know anything about that."

"I don't think the shrewish bitch who claims to be my mother would even bother calling me nowadays. Prostitution allegations or not."

"You're lucky- hell, you got me going on a tangent. I'm not going to say anything to the tabloids about your tête-à-tête. Seriously, you can be frank with me." Frank said, using their old school day pun. Snickering slightly, Sirius shrugged. If he was going to tell anyone about this, it might as well be Frank. James would probably have an aneurysm if Sirius told him he'd just spent three days getting intimate with Remus Lupin. It wasn't that Sirius felt shame about what had transpired- he hadn't gotten around to deciding how it was supposed to make him feel. But, he had enough trust in Frank to know that whatever was said between them wouldn't leave the room.

"It's not a big deal. Just this musician bloke who stopped by and stayed over for a bit."

"How much is a bit?"

"Since Saturday."

"Saturday! You had it off with someone for three days? Must be smitten. Or he was an animal in bed."

"Animal." admitted Sirius, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks from the memory of the past few days.

"I'm impressed. Does this animal have a name?"

Sirius hesitated. Saying his name would solidify what had happened as well as beg for thinking about what it meant and what would happen now. He'd save those thoughts for the studio.

"It's fine. If you don't want to say anything, you don't have to. Just glad you're getting some sex. So I assume this little piece in _Heat_ that says you are potentially dating Leona Lewis is incorrect?"

"If you thought it was true, I would ask if you'd lost your bloody mind." Sirius said, wrinkling his nose in disgust and making Frank laugh. "Where the hell do these rags get these stories? Last I heard I was getting intimate with some American bird I've never met."

"Any publicity is-"

"Good publicity, I know. Hopefully with my little break, I'll be able to hide from paparazzi radar for a bit."

"I wouldn't count on that." Frank said ruefully. Sirius raised his eyebrow, silently asking Frank to continue.

"I already asked Peter and James and they were all for it. My supporting act had to cancel last minute because of some personal crisis. I was hoping you guys could fill in for me. It's just the European leg of the tour."

Sirius sat back in his chair and appeared to be deep in thought. He rubbed his rough, unshaven face and pretended to contemplate the offer. In reality, he was going to do it. It sounded like a lot of fun. Taking Frank down a notch or two even for a moment was just enjoyable and sometimes necessary.

"When is it?"

"A couple of weeks. I know you wanted a break and all…but it'll be fun! Like I never left the band." Pleaded Frank. Sirius gave him a few more moments of silence before sighing melodramatically.

"All right, I'll do it, but we better get better treatment than the kind I bet your tour manager arranged for the other support band."

* * *

In the smoky living room of Lily and Remus, the members of Bella Donna could be found lounging. Alice was lying on her stomach in the middle of the floor, lighting another cigarette as Remus stubbed out his own in an ashtray. Cuddled on a chair with foil in her hair was Lily, puffing away as she looked through a list on a notepad. The only one not smoking was Dorcas, who had settled on the sofa with Remus while he painted her toenails.

"So the set list looks all right so far but what about a cover?"

"I don't know about you guys but I'm tired of doing Pixie covers." Alice said in exasperation, rolling over to her back.

"Yeah, the joke's getting old and most people don't get it anymore." mumbled Dorcas, eyeing Alice's cigarette.

"That's why I'm mentioning it. Then what do you want to cover?" Lily asked, she honestly didn't know what to suggest. They'd been usually performing Pixie covers but they'd pretty much gone through all their favourites. Next week, they were going to do a short tour around Europe, which would be filmed for some limited edition CD and DVD their manager, Mundungus Fletcher, had organised.

"What about a Towers of London cover?" smirked Alice, causing Dorcas to scowl, "they _did_ want us to do some 'shenanigans' for the DVD and publicity. I'm sure that would cause a bit of buzz."

"Let's not use their songs to start a fight. I'd hate to have Dorcas go through her own assault case. Wouldn't do for someone who helps run a battered woman's shelter." Lily interrupted.

"I could always run around naked. I'm sure that'll cause a stir." Remus said, tongue out in concentration as he finished up Dorcas' toes.

"Let's finish up the set list then discuss the legalities of your potential nudity." Reasoned Lily.

"I think Dorcas should ask Emmeline. She's got good taste. I mean, she _is_ dating Dorcas after all." Remus offered in between trying to blow Dorcas' toe nails dry.

"Aren't you sweet? We're still not taking you to Japan with us," smiled Dorcas, causing Remus' charming smile to turn into a pout, "but I'll text her anyway for some brainstorming ideas."

"Can't Fletcher think up another way to promote the fucking DVD than testing police patience? I'm _really_ not in the mood to risk going to jail. How many of you guys want a new manager? Dung is getting on my last nerve." Lily stated, trying to remember how long their contract with him was supposed to last. Maybe they could find a loophole.

"Well after this tour, hopefully we won't have to see him much for a bit. Anyone else want a one? Dorcas? You haven't had a fag all day." Remus observed, offering his cigarettes to Dorcas.

"No, I promised Lee I'd quit. Alice said she was quitting with me..."

"I'm taking it a step a time." defended Alice, lighting up her fourth cigarette of the day. Before Dorcas made another comment, her mobile went off.

"Speaking of Emmeline- said she just put her iPod on random and Teenage Kicks came up. What about it? It's a classic."

"Hell I haven't listened to them in a while. God, how did it go again?" Alice asked, finally getting up. She looked around the room and found Remus' acoustic guitar. Picking it up, she played a few chords, trying to remember the tune.

"Teenage dream, so hard to beat. Every time _he_ walks down the street." Remus sang along, smirking at his own change in the lyrics.

"Haha, perfect, an ode to Remus wanking to the boys he never shagged."

"Hey I've got an idea," Lily said suddenly, everyone stayed silent as she continued, "why doesn't Remus just make some big to-do about being gay and sing Teenage Kicks like he's talking about a man?"

"If we're going down that route, I might as well just sing Velvet Goldmine."

"Do we really want the band to go through a 'one of us is gay and it's important' thing. Might take away from the music." Dorcas reasoned and the rest had to agree.

"Well, I don't need to make a big deal. Just sing a song about a bloke and let a journalist try and put the pieces together yeah?"

"Are you all right with that?" Dorcas asked seriously, looking Remus in the eyes. "I mean, I know it'll definitely some tabloids if you talk about shagging men but you don't have to if you're not comfortable." Her concern put a genuine smile on Remus' face. He was about to assure her when Alice spoke up.

"Why no one has made a story of you liking cock is beyond me. Given all the men you've shagged this past tour."

"Journalists are blind-" Remus was interrupted by his own mobile. Taking a look at the screen, he noticed he just received a text from Sirius asking him to come over.

"Speaking of cock, I've gotta run."

"_Another_ booty call?"

"Sorry ladies, but I'm off. This one can't wait." announced Remus, standing up quickly and hurrying to his room. The girls were amused by his actions. He had always been nonchalant about these types of meetings of his but lately he seemed somewhat...excited.

"I thought you wanted me to help you dye your hair blue," Alice called after him, "and what about Teenage Kicks?"

"We can dye it on the bloody DVD. Oh and I'll sing Teenage Kicks. If they didn't know I was gay in the first place, they should get another job." Remus yelled back. After five minutes, Remus walked back into the living room in search of his jacket. He had changed into a rather torn pair of jeans and one of his nicer shirts. As he looked for the jacket he casually placed various chains and a pair of handcuffs on his belt loops. It was generally known amongst the girls as his 'shag me outfit'. As Remus walked past, they got a whiff of the spray on deodorant he'd doused himself in.

"Look! He's got the handcuffs out. Getting lucky are we? Who the hell is more important than tour planning?" Lily teased but moved off the sofa so Remus could see she had been snuggling into the leather jacket the whole time.

"Even put on some eyeliner. Wait, is this that bloke you stayed with over the weekend? I've lost count the times you met up with him this past week. Who is he? He your boyfriend now?" Alice joined, grabbing onto Remus' leg so he couldn't move.

"No. I'm off, see you later." Said Remus dismissively as he shook Alice off his leg on his way out.

"If you're not coming back till we leave for France, at least learn the Kicks lyrics!"

"Sure!" Remus agreed before they heard a slam of the front door.

"If he's worn his studded boots, he's trying to impress someone. Converses mean he can't be bothered." Dorcas said, laughing as Alice and Lily jumped up and rushed over to see which pair of Remus' footwear was missing.

* * *

There wasn't much time between Remus knocking on the door and trying to lean casually against the doorframe before Sirius opened it and dragged Remus in. Although Remus would later deny it, he uttered a yelp as the door was slammed shut and he was pushed against it. A pair of needy lips and hands brought him back to what was happening and Remus smiled as he realised they were heading towards the front of his trousers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning**: This story (and chapter in particular) contains sexual scenes between two men.

**A/N**: I now own studded boots, a few torn jeans and a chained leather jacket. Is this story consuming my brain? Nah! What gave you that idea? X.X'''  
**A/N2**: I'm starting to wonder if I'll get kicked off of FF for these scenes I'm writing...though I've always been overly paranoid.

* * *

"You sure you don't know who Remus is doing the dirty with?" Alice asked through the bathroom door. Unable to wait until Lily finished washing excess dye from her hair, Alice had settled for getting information whilst Lily finished up her shower.

"I told you already, every time I ask he gets really defensive tells me it's none of my business." replied Lily, turning off the water.

"But we're sure this is the same guy right? Not a bunch of different blokes like always?" It took a moment for Lily to reply to Alice's queries this time. Soon, the bathroom door swung open and the steam hit Alice. Lily was standing only in a towel, with another wrapped around her head and Alice moved so Lily could walk by.

"He kind of acts the same every time he gets a message yeah? Also, I took a look at his mobile when he was busy and the texts all are coming from the same number. Unless Remus has stared whoring himself out in an orderly manner and this is a pimp's command, it must be the same guy." Lily explained as Alice followed her to her bedroom door. Alice waited outside once again as Lily closed off the room to dress.

"But if you saw the text you saw the bloke's name."

"Dunno, it just said SB. At least, _I've_ never heard of SB as a first name. He really doesn't want us to know who it is and knew we'd snoop."

"But _why_ doesn't he want us to know? There must be something wrong."

"Remus doesn't have to tell us every tiny detail of his life. He's allowed to have some secrets." Dorcas, who had been listening in on the conversation from the living room, called out.

"Yeah but secrets mean there's a _reason_ you don't want someone to know something. Why wouldn't he want us to know about this guy? This is a big deal. Remus doesn't shag exclusively and that's what it's starting to sound like. What's wrong with the bloke? Something is happening. I called Remus a few days ago and asked if he wanted to take a few hits and he said no! Remus never says no to any kind of drug."

"Well you have a point there. Same thing happened to me." Lily observed. In truth, she was also dying to know what was going on with Remus but knew better than to press him any further.

"See!"

"Maybe he just hasn't been in the mood?"

"You don't think Remus really _is_ whoring himself out, proper-like with a pimp and all?"

"No, Remus enjoys sex to much to actually charge for it." Lily assured Alice as she opened the door fully dressed but with a towel still wrapped around her head.

"You sure there aren't any other clues as to who this guy is?"

"Well..." Lily bit her bottom lip in thought, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe. "This may sound a little odd but sometimes when he comes back, he smells fancy."

"Huh?"

"He smells fancy. Like he's been showering with expensive soaps and flowers and all that. It's sort of a gentle smell. Before he would smell like weed or crap deodorant after a shag. You remember."

"So the guy's rich?"

"I don't know! Remus refuses to say anything about it."

"But you agree that this is big, right? Is Remus settling down with some sugar daddy? He wore his studded boots!"

"I made that thing about shoes up! Besides, it's only been a week." Dorcas explained, poking her head into the hallway. "I'm sure he'll go back to his strumpet lifestyle once we start the tour."

"I bet the only reason he's not telling us is because he's embarrassed at enjoying sex with one person so much. He's bound to have a good reason. You're worrying over nothing." Lily said confidently. Although Alice didn't fully believe them, she let the topic slide.

* * *

Panting heavily, Remus let out an exhausted laugh out of sheer delight as he and Sirius slumped against the door. They sunk down to the floor but found it a little difficult to get comfortable because of their trousers still rolled down mid-thigh. Remus gave Sirius a few kisses that were more tongue than lips before speaking.

"That's quite the greeting."

"Sorry. Just been. So fucking horny." Sirius admitted in between biting Remus' jaw and the stars on his neck. They quickly shifted so Remus was on top. Rubbing their spent cocks together, Remus moaned as Sirius gripped his arse with both hands.

"That's fine by me."

In the end, Sirius decided to solve his issue with what the consequences of shagging Remus were by ignoring having to think about it. But the more he tried to ignore the feel of Remus' skin or how amazing it was to come in his mouth- Sirius found himself wanting Remus more and more. So of course a majority of the past week was spent fucking. As stupid as it sounded, Sirius was starting to think he was addicted to Remus (or at least the sex) because all he thought about during his Remus withdrawals was the next time they would see each other.

For some reason though, Sirius woke up that morning with a slightly clearer mind (most likely because he didn't have a hangover for once). Deep down, he knew that just simple fucking when one had the time _shouldn't_ feel so addictive or be the main event of a morning, afternoon or night. As much as Sirius tried to ignore what was happening, the idea of being found out started to gnaw at the back of his head. He needed to at least talk about what would happen when he left next week and keeping one's mouth shut. He dreaded the possible fit Remus would throw when he heard Sirius was just going to up and leave.

Unfortunately, discussing the finer points of being discrete was a little difficult when Remus sucked on Sirius' earlobe like that.

"I-I want- _shit_. Fuck Remus."

"What do you want?" Remus seductively whispered into Sirius' ear, almost making him forget the reason he asked Remus to visit. It took all of Sirius' self will to push Remus away.

"I want to talk with you."

"What?" asked Remus, confused at the question. He sat up straight so he was straddling Sirius.

"We really need to talk about us." Sirius continued, determination in his eyes.

"Starting to get bored with me huh? Don't tell me you're breaking up with me." joked Remus, though there was a look of concern bordering panic in his eyes.

"No, I- wait, _you're_ not getting bored with _me_ are you?" asked Sirius, even more worried than before. He tried to wriggle out from under Remus but failed. When Remus finally crawled off of him, Sirius pulled up his trousers and stood up.

"The sex is nice and you offer room and board. What's there not to like?"

"Well that makes me feel better." Sirius mumbled with a note of irony in his voice. He watched as Remus followed his lead to pull and do up his own trousers.

"So what's on your mind then?"

"I'm leaving next week."

"Oh, that it?"

"Is that it?" Sirius repeated, shocked at Remus' shrug. He watched as the man walked towards the kitchen. It took a few moments for Sirius to register that Remus was not upset when he had been building up the idea that the punk would hold a sort of grudge at the sex withdrawal. Though for that to happen, that would mean that they had a proper relationship between them...which obviously they didn't. Shaking his head, Sirius followed Remus and found him sipping a beer while leaning against the fridge.

"You aren't upset? I'm going on tour with Frankie Long."

"Who's that?"

"An old friend of mine. My band is opening for him in Europe for almost six weeks."

"Good for you. We're only doing a four week tour." Remus congratulated him and toasted him with the beer bottle before taking another sip.

"You're leaving as well?"

"Yeah, next week too. Coincidence huh?"

"Oh..." Sirius was speechless and frankly quite confused at what had just transpired. Remus didn't mind that he was going to be gone for six weeks and was also going away for four of them. He also didn't seem to think he needed to warn Sirius. Though they weren't actually dating were they, so there wasn't a need to plan these things out? Not knowing how to handle the situation, Sirius just grabbed Remus' bottle and took a few gulps from it. He really needed to be drunk at the moment because his sober self didn't know what to do. When he was drunk, he didn't have to think too hard about things. Which was probably the reason he'd been drunk most of the past week.

"If we're lucky, maybe we'll be in the same town for a night. I could visit you if you wanted." suggested Remus, walking up to Sirius and slipping his hands under the other man's shirt. The first reaction at the feel of those warm, gentle hands was to lean into them. With a smirk, Remus pulled Sirius towards him. Sirius suddenly had the image of his legs wrapping around Remus' naked waist. The image and touches caused his cock to twitch but it all suddenly stopped once the image suddenly had James walking in on it.

"Uh, that's another thing I need to talk to you about." Sirius put down the beer bottle and removed Remus' hands. "You haven't told anyone about us, have you?"

"No, why? You want me to?"

"_No_! I mean no I'd rather if you didn't tell anyone about me...and you. About us seeing each other. You won't will you?"

"I haven't told anyone yet and I won't if you don't want me to. You have my word on that. As much as my word is worth at least." Remus assured, still not offended from Sirius' preference. A large weight was lifted up from Sirius' shoulders and he sighed in relief. Remus watched him, amused.

"Thanks."

"No problem," shrugged Remus, going back to moving his hands under Sirius' shirt. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and pulled him closer, feeling a little less anxious about what they were doing. Noses lightly dusted one another and they started to give each other small kisses on the neck and face before letting their lips meet. Remus rubbed his thumbs lightly over Sirius' nipples when their beer tinged tongues started to shift against each other slowly. Shivering, Sirius moved his hands down to undo Remus' trousers again. Remus moaned when he realised what Sirius' hands were doing and retaliated by rolling up Sirius' shirt. Both recognised the cue and broke apart to undress. Sirius watched hungrily as Remus wiggled out of his tight trousers and pulled his shirt over his head. Within 30 seconds, they were both naked.

"I was serious about meeting up if we were in the same city." Remus said, nibbling on Sirius' neck as Sirius slowly backed him up against the fridge. He bit Sirius' sternum lightly before grabbing the back of his head and dragged their mouths together. The kiss started to become rougher as their tongues fought in between bites and nipping lips. A loud moan penetrated the air as Sirius pulled one of Remus' legs up and around his own waist so they could push their groins against each other a little more easily.

"Suppose we'll just have to wait and see." answered Sirius in a voice nearing a growl. With one hand on Remus' lifted thigh and the other on his hip, Sirius started to push their cocks together even harder, enjoying the rattle of bottles from the fridge every time Remus' back hit the door. Their desperate cries grew louder and Remus started to thrust back. Once both their cocks were painfully hard, Sirius pulled away. Before Remus could protest, Sirius was on his knees and took all of Remus into his mouth. He didn't give Remus time to process what was happening. A choked off cry was pried from Remus' mouth with a good, hard suck from Sirius. Soon, short breathy words of encouragement spilled from Remus' mouth as he clutched Sirius' head, thrusting in and out.

"Oh god, _yeah_. Please don't stop." Remus groaned, tightening his grip on the back of Sirius' head. Knowing it was a sign that he was getting closer to the edge, Sirius sucked a little bit harder. The thrusts stuttered and Remus came with a grunt.

Closing his eyes and leaning back against the fridge, Remus tried to even out his breath and not think about how he lasted a pathetically short amount of time. By trying to come down after his orgasm, he didn't notice Sirius had let go of his cock and was working on his own. Stuttered gasps from Sirius brought Remus' attention back down to where Sirius still kneeled, running his hand up his length.

Getting down on his knees, Remus grabbed Sirius' head in both of his hands and pulled him forwards. Sirius was a little surprised and stopped moving his hand for a moment as their lips touched. Tasting himself on Sirius' tongue made Remus groan again as he reached for Sirius' still hard cock. Rubbing some pre-come on his hand, Remus roughly rubbed his hand up and down Sirius' cock. The pace grew faster and faster until Sirius also came, moaning into Remus' mouth.

Feeling Sirius come onto both their stomachs and chests didn't stop Remus kiss. Moving their arms until they encircled one another, they slowly moved backwards until they lay together on the cold floor. The longing kisses turned back into pecks and Sirius settled his face in the crook of Remus' neck, completely content for the time being.

* * *

Sirius woke up about a half hour later, still lying on the kitchen floor, but alone. Something like this should have bothered him but in the short period of shagging Remus, he had learned the punk enjoyed exploring the flat when Sirius was still asleep. Nothing had been stolen yet so Sirius didn't see the harm in it.

Standing up with a slight moan of pain, Sirius almost regretted not dragging Remus towards the bedroom this time. He certainly regretted taking a nap on the kitchen floor and thought he could feel bruises starting to form on his knees.

Noticing that Remus wasn't in the living room, he made his way towards the bedroom but stopped when he heard the sounds of an unplugged electric guitar coming from the studio. The door was ajar so Sirius walked in.

Sitting on the sofa by the soundboard, Remus had taken down one of Sirius' many guitars and was trying to work out a tune. When he realised Sirius was watching him, he looked a little ashamed.

"Sorry...I can put it back if you don't want me to touch it." Remus started to move the guitar back to its place on the wall but Sirius waved it off. Though, he was amused to see that Remus had put on the same red silk boxers he always did when he stayed over at Sirius' for more than one shag. It was a good thing Sirius had them washed.

"What are you trying to play?"

"Teenage Kicks by The Undertones. Trying to remember what the progression was. We decided a couple hours ago to play it on the tour. I tried to open up your computer but there's a password."

"Oh, here," Sirius walked over to his laptop which was sitting next to Remus and put in his password. Once it finished booting up, he quickly pulled the song up on his iTunes and played it. With a genuine smile, Remus listened and started to work out the chords while Sirius pulled another guitar off the wall to play his own little made up solo. For the next hour they played guitar together, creating their own melody versions of the song, playing off of each other and joking. Soon that one song turned into just trying to out do each other's solos (Sirius won though Remus refused to admit it). Amplifiers had been pulled out as well as brand new pedals and effects units until a sea of chords and electronic devices surrounded the studio couch.

Three hours later, Remus started to complain of an empty stomach and Sirius was shocked to see how much time had elapsed. It had been the longest the two hadn't shagged when they were awake and within a five metre range of one another. It was also the most fun he'd had with the punk.

These thoughts and what it might have meant ran through Sirius' mind as he began putting up all the equipment they'd pulled out. Suddenly, all of Sirius' thoughts flew out of his head when Remus returned from ordering a take out. The punk pushed Sirius back onto the couch and straddled him all while singing his own version of Teenage Kicks. Sirius chuckled as Remus placed kisses on his stomach and hips in between lines as they waited for the food to arrive.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: Either the punks of Bella Donna are really difficult, or they just like to make Dung's life hell. You decide :P

* * *

Bella Donna stood in a line as they impatiently waited for Mundungus Fletcher's pre-tour talk to end. They all wore various expressions of boredom and annoyance. Alice had the markings of a sneer as she took out the safety pins from her outfit and placed them in the small bag Dung had deemed their 'weapons amnesty' bag with promises they'd get everything back once they reached Spain.

"All right you lot, if you're gonna damage somefing, better be damages we can afford to pay. No stealing _on_ camera. No permanent 'arm to someone likely to sue and win," Dung looked straight at Lily who smiled sarcastically back, "no explicit vandalising of public or private property. That includes tour buses belonging to other performers." Now Dung looked at Remus, who had suddenly found his fingertips to be very interesting.

"Just no doing anyfing 'ugely illegal in front of cameras. Please, if you're itching to powder your noses, all sales of recreational products and the usage of must be done wif cameras out of sight. It's all right if the crew sees the effects but remember- wipe your noses. Got it?"

"This is a shit talk Dung." Alice observed as she placed the last of her safety pins in the bag, "I thought you _wanted_ us to do illegal shit for the cameras." .

"Well after a chat to me lawyer it's been decided that for legal purposes, it's best to avoid doing anyfing on camera that can be used against us in court. Last fing we need is for one of you idiots to be sent off to jail before you start recording the next album eh?"

"Do you guys still want me to be naked?" Remus asked, causing the girls to giggle and Dung to roll his eyes.

"Maybe just once. Censoring takes time and money."

"What the hell are they filming anyway?" Dorcas asked.

"We've been through this a 'undred times. The camera crew will film shows and general tour life to put together extra montages. The show in Amsterdam will be recorded in full. If we're lucky we may even stay in Paris a few days before to shoot a music video before we go 'ome. So, behave. But not too much."

"Yes mummy." Remus said sarcastically and the girls started snickering. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to get any more points across, Dung put up his hands.

"All right you delinquents. We need to catch a flight."

* * *

**Rita Skeeter: Paparazzi Watch**

Seems the mysterious Sirius Black has been spending his short break between tours in the arms of a lover. The Marauders front man was seen recently with fading love bites on his neck. Although there are yet to be any leads on who this woman is, it does rule out the possibility this singing cutie is exclusive with Kim Kardashian. The socialite has been in the US for the past month so obviously wasn't able to bestow Black with any remaining signs of affection.

* * *

[Excerpt from The New Gay]

More and more celebrities have been coming out of the closet nowadays, often with magazine spreads. I personally would never belittle these choices, as everyone needs to make a buck one way or another. Also, coming out to the entire world seems a lot harder than my coming out to my somewhat accepting family so kudos to that.

Another celebrity who has decided to come out is Remus Lupin of Bella Donna. Though this announcement isn't full of pomp and circumstance. At a recent show in Amsterdam, Remus declared their next to song to be one that 'revealed' a little about himself before going into a rendition of Teenage Kicks where he replaced all the female pronouns with male pronouns. Word soon spread and Remus was asked about the announcement in a German interview. He simply confirmed he preferred men and went back to discuss his band's plans.

* * *

Tour life was exhausting but Sirius loved it. There was nothing better than playing for a crowd of energised people. What made this particular tour even better was the fact that The Marauders weren't in the spotlight. Although the crowds may not cheer as loudly for them as they did for Frank (it was _his_ tour after all), the high profile of all the performers meant they still had a bit of luxury. Sure The Marauders had an occasional interview but they still were able to relax and sometimes just be tourists.

It had been two weeks on the road so far and as Frank had stated the other night, it felt like old times. While Frank had been much busier than The Marauders with promotion and interviews, all four men had spent a good amount of time joking and pranking one another. Sirius was looking forward to their longer stays in some of the larger cities as it meant that they had the option to check into hotels. Not having to sleep with one eye open in a cramped space would be nice but Sirius wouldn't put it past James to pick locks.

One thing that brought Sirius down though (other than that stupid article from Rita Skeeter that had caused an endless amount of questions and teasing of Sirius' sensitive skin from his band mates) was his lack of contact with Remus. Physical and verbal. Sirius kept on telling himself that they weren't anything special but he couldn't help but feel that wasn't true. Their last few meet ups weren't so sex focused and their kisses had become more indulgent than foreplay. Still, he hadn't heard from Remus in two weeks so what was he supposed to tell his ego? Or his neglected cock?

Looking out at the scenery speeding past, Sirius sighed. Everyone else was either sleeping or playing cards or pretending to sleep but actually plotting their next prank. He entertained the idea of joining the rather vocal Uno game when his mobile buzzed.

Just a glance at the sender made Sirius' heart start to pound. He looked at the others to make sure they weren't watching before opening the text from Remus.

'I'm kinda bored without u.'

A silly smile crept onto his face as he reread the text. It was close to 'I miss you'. Taking another quick look around the bus to make sure everyone was occupied, Sirius replied with a simple inquiry. A response came within thirty seconds.

'I miss u and ur cock. And silk boxers.'

A warm feeling stirred in Sirius' gut. Maybe Remus _did_ feel something more. With more confidence, Sirius started to type in his reply.

'My cock misses your mouth. Have any suggestions for their potential reunion?'

The next hour was filled with some of the dirtiest text messages Sirius had sent and received in his lifetime.

* * *

"Hey Sirius, are you in here?" Frank called out to the empty tour bus. When there was no answer, he sighed in frustration. They had to leave soon and no one was sure where Sirius had gone off. While he liked to appear suave and somewhat mellow, Frank actually hated not being on schedule and found it hard to stay calm when things were running late. Although The Marauders claimed this was one of many of Frank's OCD tendencies, Frank liked to just think it was an extension of his perfectionism.

During a short break to eat in a stationary location for once and for the driver to take a rest, Sirius had received a series of texts on his mobile before disappearing while mumbling about important business. A few of the blokes in Frank's back up band joined James and Peter in the search for Sirius as the bill was being taken care of. Frank had decided to take another look in the tour bus but there was still no sign of the black haired Marauder.

Now growling in frustration, Frank called Sirius' mobile once again and was a little surprised to hear it inside the bus. Following the sound, he found the discarded mobile under a pillow in Sirius' little bunk…but no Sirius.

Maybe they'd just leave Sirius. It's what he deserved for running off without his mobile and making them late. Taking another look at Sirius' mobile, Frank was intrigued to see that as well as the six calls from him, there were a few new texts. Deciding he might as well see what had caused Sirius to piss off in such a hurry, Frank opened the message box.

The inbox was full of messages from a bloke called Remus Lupin. A quick look at some of the rather explicit messages gave him a good clue as to why Sirius had run off. Truth be told, now Frank wasn't sure he _wanted_ to be the one to find Sirius as Sirius was probably somewhere having a wank. Placing the phone back on the bunk, Frank started to walk to the front of the bus but almost jumped back in shock when the toilet door opened suddenly. A slightly flushed Sirius walked out, looking guilty and frumpled.

"Hey…we're leaving soon right?" He asked and Frank nodded before deciding to get a teeny bit of revenge.

"Yeah, we've been looking everywhere for you. Why'd you use this loo?"

"Oh uh, well-just assumed as we'd be going I um, might use this toilet…so we'd be able to leave faster." Sirius stumbled for a few moments until Frank decided to let him slide. At least he got the name of whom Sirius had been potentially shagging, even if he'd have to do a little research.

"No problem mate, I'll just let everyone know we're ready to shove off."

Frank watched in amusement as Sirius tried to not look like he was hurrying back to his mobile.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**: I've had a lovely week hanging out with some friends from high school. So that's why I hadn't updated earlier. Thanks always for the lovely comments. Sorry if I didn't reply, I started to get confused over which I had answered and which I hadn't. But they're always appreciated. I'm dedicating the last scene to all of you lovely readers :)

**Warning**: This chapter contains vivid scenes of m/m.

* * *

Admittedly, Frank was a little surprised when he researched Remus Lupin. While Sirius had always had a bit of a rebellious streak, it had never manifested in a leather clad, silver studded and tattooed punk with a penchant for stealing but Frank couldn't blame him. It wasn't well known but Frank always had a thing for Suicide Girls. Though nowadays he didn't attract the rebellious ladies as much as he had when he was a young teen. If Frank were to go bender, a small voice in the back of his mind that he refused to acknowledge told him he wouldn't mind it to be with a guy who looked like Lupin. Plus, the birds in his band were pretty fit.

Frank waited a couple of days for the right moment to let slip his knew piece of knowledge. At first, there hadn't been a time where he and Sirius were alone or unlikely to be overheard. Also, Frank just enjoyed watching Sirius jump up like a love struck teenager every time his phone made a noise.

Finally, during a post-concert party Frank found himself sitting alone on a sofa with Sirius, sipping beers. Loud music was playing and the other blokes were busy winding down in their own ways- including talking to the numerous attractive birds that had been able to sneak in. There weren't any tonight that caught Frank's attention and he was sure that the other blokes would distract them enough to give him ample time to talk to Sirius before they started to flirt with him again.

"So we'll be in Paris by the end of the week. I hear that Bella Donna is going to be there as well. Plan on meeting up with any of them?" Frank asked casually, watching Sirius freeze in panic, beer stopping halfway towards his mouth. He was still for a couple of seconds before deciding to play dumb.

"What are you on about?" Sirius asked, attempting to laugh off his short bout of silence. Suddenly, his mobile buzzed and he reached for it, only to stop at Frank's knowing gaze.

"That a message from Remus?"

"What? How- I mean who?" Sirius' eyes widened when he realised what was happening. "You _know_?"

"Don't worry, no one else does. Nor will they find out. I'm proud of you, mate. He's quite the...character. I didn't think you had it in you to pull him." Frank said patting Sirius' knee, a smile breaking his stern face.

"You can't let anyone know." Sirius started to panic and could feel himself edge towards hyperventilation.

"Calm down, I told you no one else knows. I only found out because I dug through your mobile."

"You did what?"

"Never mind that now. The point is, you're getting down and dirty with someone- and I mean _filthy_. I saw the texts." A blush started to touch Sirius' cheeks but Frank continued. "Congrats. It's about time you loosened up a bit."

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. Not even James and Peter."

"What did I tell you? I've got my mouth shut. Besides, James wouldn't be able to work it out unless he saw the two of you at it. And even then he's probably think up an excuse for it." Joked Frank, though there was a bit of truth to what he said. Realising there was nothing he could do; Sirius sighed in aggravated acceptance and took a long swig of beer. Another buzz from his mobile reminded him of Remus.

"So you going to look at what he sent you?" Frank challenged. Taking another drink of beer, Sirius glared at Frank before pulling out his mobile. There were two messages from Remus, a text and a photo message.

'Like what u see?'

A little confused, Sirius went to open up the photo while blocking the screen from Frank's curious eyes. Despite the panic Sirius had felt a moment ago, the picture still put a smile on his face. On the screen of his mobile was Remus eating an éclair. It wasn't overtly sexual but there was a come hither wink on Remus' smirking face. The screen was still blocked from Frank but he couldn't help but notice the smile on Sirius' face.

"If you have to wank in the loo, please put a sock on the doorknob to warn us."

* * *

"Texting your boyfriend again?" Alice asked Remus when she noticed he had sent a reply back to a text he received. It was about midday and they were an hour away from the next venue. Alice couldn't remember where it was because she was too hung over from the night before. The only reason she wasn't still sleeping like Lily and Dorcas was because her lip hurt too much from the infected piercing she got on a drunken whim a few week ago.

"I've told you a million times, I don't have a boyfriend." Insisted Remus, the smile he had from his constant texting turning into a self-conscious frown.

"Then who the hell are you messaging? For the past couple of weeks you've been permanently glued to that mobile of yours." Explained Alice, a little regretful of starting the conversation because all this talking was making the pain in her lip worse. She started to dig around the tour bus for a bottle of Ibuprofen.

"That doesn't mean I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, Lily says you come back every night thoroughly shagged back in London and always smelling like the same fancy soap and now you're texting naughty pictures of yourself to someone. Evidence suggests you've become monogamous. Never thought I'd see the day…"

"That doesn't- how do you know I'm not texting different people?"

"Whose SB? Because when I went through your mobile that was the only person you've been sending and getting texts from."

"You went through my mobile? You little-"

"If you didn't think I'd do it after you wouldn't tell me the first time, then you're too blinded by love to think straight. Haha." Alice pulled out a bottle of Ibuprofen and took a few while laughing at her own joke.

"He's nobody." Remus claimed but Alice could tell there wasn't any conviction behind it.

"Are you that ashamed of him?"

"It's really none of your business. And get your lip checked out when we get to Lyon."

* * *

Paris was a godsend. It meant sleeping in a room that was not shared with Frank Longbottom. Although he had kept his promise of not telling anyone of Sirius' secret, it still didn't stop him from hinting at it every other minute. In consequence, it made James damn near insufferable. James hated not being in on a secret (especially Sirius' secrets) and while he knew something was going on, he hadn't been able to figure it out. Even though James kept quiet about knowing there was a secret in the air, it didn't mean he was subtle about how it was driving him mental. The last week on the road had been hell between Frank's sudden interest in punks and James' stares of silent accusation. Sirius still had to share the Ritz Paris suite with James but he'd rather try and calm James down than deal with another comment about the attractive factors of tattoos.

Unfortunately for Frank, the Paris concerts were supposed to be accompanied by a detailed light show and so he had to be on stage for most of the day for various lighting cue setups and sound check. That meant a day without work and Frank. Sirius hoped that some Paris sightseeing would get James' mind off of the fact that Sirius received a large number of texts over the past few weeks.

The plan was working relatively well until they were finishing up their lunch when Sirius received his latest text from Remus. He wasn't surprised to see it was a photo message, given all the increasingly teasing photos he'd been sent as of late. Much like the other photos, the mobile camera involved Remus' tongue and a phallic object. However, Sirius wasn't prepared to see evidence that Remus was now in Paris. The punk was positioned in such a way that it looked like he was a giant licking the Eiffel Tower. It was obvious that someone else had taken the photo for him, which actually seemed to be the situation with most of the others that had been sent to Sirius. He wondered if these positions were normal enough that Remus' band mates didn't ask him questions about his photographic requests.

Going back to his lunch with James and Peter, Sirius ignored their questioning glances but received another message a few minutes later. This time, the picture was of a street sign. Soon, the messages were being sent in rapid succession as Remus continued to send photos of what appeared to be a journey through Paris.

Eventually, James became frustrated enough to ask whom the endless messages were from but Sirius waved it off as one of the blokes from Frank's back up band being bored during the laborious light and sound check. Acting casual worked until the bill arrived when Sirius simultaneously looked at the final message.

The picture was of Remus lying down shirtless on Sirius' hotel bed. It was obvious he had taken it by himself but the accompanying text message was what really got to Sirius.

'Come back before I finish myself off'

Looking sharply up at the faces of his friends, Sirius felt his thoughts running full speed through his mind. A couple ran straight to his crotch. One of the more practical thoughts happened to be how Remus had got into the room. Another less rational one was how naked was Remus? Taking out a wad of Euros, Sirius stood up and started to bid farewell to James and Peter.

"I thought we were going to sight see. It's our only real day off here in Paris." Peter complained, James quickly joining in.

"Sorry, something uh, just came up. Possible producing gig and I need to send some samples from my laptop- which is in the hotel...sorry lads! I'll meet up with you later." Sirius apologised before hailing a cab and taking the fastest route back to the Ritz.

* * *

Trying to make sense of the accounting notes that she knicked from the pile of Dung's papers, Lily continued to tug on her hair as she hid from the camera crew in the tour bus. If she could just make sense of the chicken scratches Dung called handwriting, Lily was sure she could prove he was pocketing more than his contract stated. While Lily had her suspicions for a few months now, she still had no concrete proof. Normally, this close to the end of the tour, she'd try to wait until she could snoop in Dung's actual office but the past bill she received from Frankfurt was fuelling her desperation for proof.

During their stay in a hotel in Frankfurt, the band got drunk and rowdy. It had ended in Alice with an infected lip piercing, a smashed up hotel room, a burning car and Lily semi-accidentally throwing a half empty bottle of whiskey at Dung's head. The next day, Dung had dragged Lily to the side away from the band and explained that as the public front woman of the band she needed to understand she was responsible. Also she shouldn't attack their manager. A heated fight over what he used all the money he was hoarding from them ensued and Remus had to physically drag her away from Dung before any damage could be done.

Really, it shouldn't have been a surprise to her when she was unable to pull money from her personal account because it had been drained from being charged damages for the Frankfurt hotel and the stranger's car.

This must have been Dung's way of teaching Lily a lesson for crossing his path. It only fuelled her anger and hatred towards him. So here she was, pulling her hair out because she didn't understand the code Dung had created for himself. Even though Lily hated Dung's lying and cheating arse, she had to give him credit for being able to look out for it.

"Where the hell is Remus? He's supposed to go to an interview with me in half an hour." Alice asked, walking into the tour bus. The swelling in her lip had gone down considerably and it was almost back to its normal size. For a moment, Lily froze in fear but relaxed once she saw the camera crew wasn't following her band mate.

"I don't know. Said something about meeting up with someone. Think he mentioned Ritz."

"Who does he know in Paris that could stay- wait, is this a booty call? Is he visiting SB?"

"Dunno, probably. Was texting a lot before he left. Sounded cheery too."

"Ugh, first he refuses to tell us who this guy is and now he's ditching me for arse. The camera crew is bitching because Remus pissed off, you went hiding and I told them not to follow me unless they wanted me to break their cameras."

"There's still Dorcas."

"They complain she's too boring because she just does charity business stuff and doesn't really cause any trouble."

"Tell them to stick their camera up their arses."

"I did. Hey, you figure anything else out about Remus' boyfriend before he left?"

"Only that Remus insists he still doesn't have one. Well actually, I suppose we know the bloke's rich now. Travelling down to Paris just to visit Remus? Spending a romantic afternoon in the Ritz—makes you want to vomit, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, romantic boyfriend or rich pimp."

"I told you, Remus isn't whoring out for cash. Haven't seen him shag anyone this whole tour. Here, take a look at this, can you make any of it out?" Lily asked, deciding that she had done all she could with the accounting notes and that the subject of Remus' love life was getting a little boring. A little disgruntled at the change of subject, Alice took a quick glance at the papers.

"Lily, we only have a few more days left of this tour. You can get someone to look into all this for you. I mean- you know I generally hate the law but they'd probably do better at figuring all this out than us. Though they may not be on our side if you keep on attacking Dung. Why do you have to do it now?"

"I _just_ do." Insisted Lily, she hadn't told anyone in the band yet what Dung had done to her. Or at least what she believed Dung had done. She didn't really have any concrete evidence besides a drained account.

Ever since they started actually making a profit from music, things got complicated. While she didn't want to trade it for anything, Lily missed the days when she could just store her money in her bass guitar case and not worry about accounts of any kind.

"I'm calling Remus again. If I have to go to this interview alone, I'm going to walk down to the Ritz myself and knock on every door until I find him." Alice announced with a sigh before walking out.

* * *

There were quite a few reactions Sirius could have had when he walked into the Ritz suite to find Remus snuggling into a mountain of silk sheets and pillows, flipping through a magazine. It was a little disappointing to see he was only shirtless but the bulge in his trousers made up for it.

Sirius should have opened with a smart pick up line, leaning against the doorframe casually. Maybe a question on how the hell Remus had found his way into the suite or how the tour was going. Never in his life had Sirius wanted to appear needy and desperate. He should have kept a clear head.

Instead, Sirius began to rip his clothes off frantically as he all but leapt towards the bed. Remus didn't miss a beat, catching Sirius as they fell into a tangle of limbs, moans and desperate tongues.

Giving Sirius a chance to breath, Remus broke away with a gasp and shoved them over on the bed so he was on top. He started to grind their clothed cocks together and placed new love bites on Sirius' chest. Hungry for Remus' touch, Sirius didn't care about any marks that would be left behind or any potential jamboree gossip rags would have at the visual leftovers of rough affection. Groaning loudly, Sirius started undoing Remus' trousers, fumbling slightly. The two men broke apart and watched each other with lustful eyes as they finished undressing.

Things started to go slower once they were naked. Both men took a moment to take in the appearance of the other. Remus shifted over and gave Sirius a few tentative but passionate kisses before Remus placed a soft hand on the other man's cheek. Leaning into the touch, Sirius looked Remus in the eyes and wrapped his arms around the punk's waist in order to pull them closer. Languid kisses were exchanged as Sirius settled into the bed and encouraged Remus to lie on top of him.

"God, I missed this." Remus admitted in between kisses, making Sirius' heart pound even faster. Wrapping his legs around Remus' hips, Sirius pulled them tighter together until their cocks were trapped between their bodies. Not needing further instruction, Remus started to thrust in a slow and steady rhythm. Their moans grew louder and Sirius arched his back, letting out a particularly needy mewl as Remus dug his face into Sirius' neck during a sharp thrust.

"Faster." Sirius whispered, feeling the need to be even closer taking over every fibre of his body. He wrapped an arm around Remus' back and tangled a hand through the punk's hair, enjoying the faster and harder thrusting. A hand gripped Sirius' thigh and soon he was joining in and pushing back up at every snap of Remus' hips. Short, breathy moans were leaving Remus' mouth and the feel of his warm tongue licking a messy path on Sirius' neck caused Sirius to come in a slew of deep moans. His moans were swallowed up by a kiss from Remus before Remus followed, nails digging into Sirius' thigh.

Sticky with come and sweat, they both collapsed, unable to move. Heavy panting filled the room until Remus finally gathered enough strength to roll off of Sirius. It brought out a whine from Sirius who was disappointed at the loss of contact before he realised Remus was waiting for Sirius to snuggle into his arms. They settled comfortably with Sirius half laying on Remus, placing light kisses on his neck.

"How did you know where I was staying? I never told you." Sirius asked once he caught his breath, lips lingering on the star tattoos he had missed over the past few weeks.

"Google. Your fan club is very dedicated. Telling everyone where exactly you stay."

"Oh…well how did you know which room? How did you get in?" Sirius never actually realised it was _that_ easy to find him. It unsettled him slightly.

"Bribed a valet then waited around the floor until the maids came to clean and walked in like it was my room."

"They believed you?"

"Yep, just smile and act like you're supposed to be there and no one thinks you're out of place. How I sneak into a lot of places," explained Remus, rubbing his thumb in circles on Sirius' hip. The gentle touch soothed Sirius' nerves a little and he kissed Remus tenderly on the lips.

"I missed this so much," admitted Sirius as he ran his fingers through Remus' hair. The dark blond roots were visible and the black dye looked faded. Sirius wondered if he could convince Remus to let it grow out when Remus suddenly leaned in for another gentle kiss.

"I've missed you." Remus said with feeling, making Sirius' stomach jump.

"How long are you staying here?"

"We've a couple of days. Two more shows tonight and tomorrow. Then back to London. My manager was saying something about a music video but I doubt that's going to happen."

"I've still got two more weeks on the road but we're staying in Paris for a few nights. If you're not busy tonight I can call up another key. James sleeps like a rock. Doubt he'd hear us." Sirius reasoned. They'd have to work out the finer details of time and logistics later but the kiss Remus was giving him now was a positive answer.

"Definitely. But you know...I've got a few more hours I need to kill before sound check. It'd be a shame to let this big bed go to waste." Remus moved so he could sit with his thighs on either side of Sirius', smiling when warm, calloused hands ran up and down them gently.

"James and Peter are sight seeing. Shouldn't be back for ages."

"Perfect."


	9. Chapter 9

Warning: This chapter has scenes with sexual content between two men.  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, they belong to JKR.  
A/N: Sorry for the long delay- I'm too tired to explain my life but I finally was able to get the next chapter out! Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"Is there something wrong? You've been on edge since we came back." James observed, placing a comforting hand on Sirius' jittery knee. It was just past 1 AM and Sirius hadn't got a text from Remus confirming the punk's arrival into the hotel suite. Remus had assured Sirius that Bella Donna's concert would end midnight latest and a cab ride to the Ritz would only take up to half an hour. Things wouldn't be too bad if James had decided to leave the post concert party rather early and join Sirius for an 'early night in'. Knowing full well that James probably would spend most of his time in their shared sitting room of the Ritz suite (and therefore hindering any way of Remus being able to sneak in undetected), Sirius knew he needed to distract James just until the punk was able to enter the room. So the only thing he could think of was drinking in the hotel bar and trying to make small talk. It had worked to an extent, but Sirius had obviously been nervous the whole time and now James decided to point it out.

"What? No! Why would you think that something is wrong?" Rushed Sirius.

"You've been fidgeting this whole time and every time I suggest going to get some rest you push me back into my stool. I know there must be something bothering you. Now what do you want to tell me?"

"Uh, well, I mean there really isn't anything."

"_Sirius_," warned James. "I thought we didn't keep secrets from each other. You know if you're in a bit of trouble I'll do whatever I can to help you out. We're best mates, right?"

Sirius knew the guilt tactic James was utilizing. Unfortunately, it was working like it normally did.

"Look, I'm sorry. I suppose I have been on edge the past couple of hours."

"You've been acting a little odd most of this tour. Been gone long periods of time and when anyone asks you where you were you either overreact or pretend you have no idea what they're on about."

"Maybe it's stress." Sirius half lied.

"I thought this tour would be easy for you. We're not headliners and most of the time we get to relax."

"The tour is easy yeah -but, well um there are certain things...well I'm not sure how to tell you." Continued Sirius. He couldn't think up a story to set James' mind at ease and the truth was almost at the tip of his tongue.

"Is it the pranking?"

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, relieved at having something to blame. The relief was evident on his face and James mistook it as verification.

"Bloody hell, if all our pranking has been stressing you out to the point you feel you need to hide from us, then you should have told us mate! We can tone it down."

"I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to ruin people's fun."

"Nonsense. Maybe we're getting a little old for prank wars- I mean, a couple of pranks here and there to give a boost of energy but I'm sure the blokes will be fine with toning it down a bit. At least in regards to their pranks against you. Admit I was wondering why you weren't pranking back as much."

"Like I said, wouldn't want to ruin everyone's fun."

"Nah. We can talk to Peter and Frank tomorrow. Come on lets head to bed. I've lost the concert high."

Following James back up their suite, Sirius felt a mixture of guilt and anxiousness pool in his gut. He felt horrid about lying to James again but he was also nervous over whether or not Remus would be able to make their midnight rendez-vous undetected. Just as they reached their suite, Sirius received a message on his mobile from Remus confirming he was currently lying in Sirius' bed. The anxiety evaporated but the guilt came back once James opened the door and again assured Sirius to not worry about pranking before bidding him a good night with a hug.

Seeing Remus lounging on a chaise in a leather jacket and tight, torn up jeans made Sirius' heart beat faster but it didn't do anything to purge the sense of shame that was creeping over.

Carefully locking the door behind him, Sirius sighed and started to shed some of his clothes. The lethargic gestures caused a small frown on Remus' lips, which only deepened when Sirius gave him a halfhearted kiss.

"You not up to it right now?" Remus asked, standing up.

"No, I'm fine." Sirius insisted before trying to get another kiss but Remus pulled away.

"You're not into it right now. What's wrong? Are you upset I'm late? I would have got here earlier but Lily smashed her bass and-"

"Nothing's wrong," Sirius insisted once more with a growl, the guilt turning into an anger. The shift in tone caught Remus off guard, as did the shove from Sirius, making Remus fall back onto the chaise. Taking advantage of Remus' confusion, Sirius quickly moved so he was straddling the other man and pinning his hands on either side of his head.

"Not that I don't mind you being forceful, but you're not hard right now. What the fuck is up? Because you're not." Shot Remus. A frustrated sigh left Sirius' mouth. The bluntness of Remus' words stung more than it probably should have. Letting go of Remus' hands, Sirius stood up and walked over to lie on the bed. He took off his shoes and trousers without a word. When it was obvious that he wasn't going to answer Remus' question, Remus sighed and joined him in a similar state of undress. A rough hand started to rub up and down Sirius' back. Although he wanted the anger to well up once more, Sirius could feel it ebb away him with every gentle caress.

"James hates you, you know." Sirius finally said.

"He doesn't even know me." Mentioned Remus in slight confusion.

"He thinks you're out to get me."

"Where would he get an idea like that?"

"Every time he's seen you, you've made innuendoes at me and he just took them as threats."

"So do you want to call this off? Because James doesn't approve?"

"No! I mean- I don't know. It doesn't feel right if James won't approve. He's my best mate." The guilt was starting to subside but it was filled with grief as Remus pulled his hand away.

"You obviously don't want this anymore. I'll leave."

The weight next to Sirius shifted and he felt conflicted. Some of the wind was knocked out of Sirius' lungs as he watched Remus start to pick up his clothes. Suddenly, a lump grew in his throat and tears started to well in his eyes. Sirius realised that he could lie to James for the rest of his life but the guilt wouldn't be as bad as the loneliness he would feel once Remus left. Before Remus could reach the door, Sirius was off of the bed and clutching Remus in his arms, thrusting a tongue into the shocked punk's mouth. The desire to hold on to Remus was overwhelming and Sirius was relieved to have Remus hold him just as tightly. Their kiss continued as they explored each other's mouths, not hungry for sex but for human contact.

When the kiss broke, they put their foreheads together, refusing to loosen the tight grip they had on the other.

"Don't leave me. Please don't go." Sirius whispered, closing his eyes. The lump in his throat was still there and he felt so stupid. He hated feeling so clingy towards someone he had only really known for a maybe a few months and yet there was nothing he could do about it.

"I won't." Promised Remus, walking slowly towards the bed. After a few more deep kisses, they had reached it and somehow Remus was able to convince Sirius to let go long enough so they could settle down comfortably between the sheets. Turning off the lights, Remus rushed back and held onto Sirius as Sirius curled around him and fell asleep.

* * *

A gentle shaking of Remus' shoulder woke him up but he simply rolled away from the hand and buried his face into the comfortable mattress. The shaking was persistent though and eventually garnered a grunt from him.

"Hey, wake up?" Sirius whispered into Remus' ear, reminding him where he actually was. Opening one eye, Remus looked up to see Sirius sitting over him with an apologetic grin.

"Oh. I forgot where I was for a moment." Yawned Remus as he stretched his arms and arched his back. He used one of his hands to pull Sirius down mid-stretch for a morning kiss. Sirius gladly indulged him.

"Glad to see you're still willing to be near me after last night." Sirius admitted, causing Remus to chuckle fondly. Placing his hands on Sirius' waist, Remus tugged at him lightly until Sirius was straddling him. The two men stared into the other's eyes for a few silent moments, smiles on their faces before going in for another kiss. Unlike the night before, the kiss sent blood rushing down to their groins. Sirius started to slowly grind against Remus, breathy moans moving between mouths. Hands started to roam towards Sirius' boxers and started to slowly roll them down, squeezing his arse on the way down. Sirius was about to do the same for Remus when a buzzing sound was heard and reminded him of the real reason he had woken Remus up.

"The hell-"

"Your mobile- it's been ringing for the past half hour. It's actually why I woke you. I didn't know if it was important or not." Stated Sirius, getting off of Remus to reach over for the mobile that he had placed on the bedside table. Knowing the mood had been killed, Remus went ahead and took a look at the caller to see it was Alice. She was probably calling him to ask him where he was so they could head to their interview that morning. Seeing that he technically still had an hour and a half until the interview, Remus sent the call straight to voicemail and pushed the mobile to the other side of the bed.

"Not important?" Sirius asked, watching Remus pull down his briefs to show a half hard cock.

"Nah." Shrugged Remus, moving over to try and pull Sirius' own boxers down the rest of the way after they had been pulled back up. He frowned when Sirius pushed the hands away.

"I should apologise to you. For being so difficult last night. We agreed we'd keep this a secret and-"

"It's really not a big deal. You don't have to be sorry for anything."

"No, I asked you over and put up a fuss-" Sirius moved down so he was staring up at Remus from his waist. Remus propped himself up on his elbows and watched in interest.

"I'm going to make up for it." Concluded Sirius before licking a wet path from the tip of Remus' cock to the base. The sudden contact made Remus jump a little but he quickly recovered and pulled up his knees.

"If this is what you have in mind then I don't object." muttered Remus, his breath starting to quicken.

"Just remember there's someone who might hear us." Sirius warned before sucking on Remus' tip. A groan left Remus' mouth before he could stop it and his head fell back. The sucking grew harder and harder until Remus started to curl his toes and claw at the sheets in pleasure. Short curses started to spill from his lips and became the cue for Sirius to slowly take more of Remus into his mouth. By the time most of it was in, Remus had arched his back and was thrusting shallowly into Sirius' mouth in time with his guttural moans. Sirius held Remus' hips still and started to alternate between sucking and skilful swipes of his tongue. It was sending Remus closer to orgasm until Sirius removed his mouth. Before Remus could vocalise his disappointment, a hand quickly pumped his neglected cock and soon Remus came with a grunt.

Taking a few moments to catch his breath, Remus was almost surprised to find Sirius moved back up the bed so he could give the punk a soft kiss. In the process, Sirius' own hard cock brushed against Remus' thigh.

Still a little hazy, Remus used the come on his stomach as a lube and started to pump Sirius until he was moving with every thrust of the hand. Sirius rested his head in the crook of Remus' neck and whispered needy moans into his ear. Remus sped up his hand until finally Sirius came, biting the stars on Remus' neck to try and stop from moaning too loudly. They lay in bed for about five minutes, content with resting in each other's arms.

"We should probably take a shower," suggested Remus, already finding his energy returning as he move to straddle Sirius.

"Start the water, I'll be there soon."

* * *

Once again, Alice was sent to Remus' voice mail. She hung up with an aggravated sigh and wondered what she was going to do. The day before, she ended up having to drag Lily (and the camera crew) to the interview even though it was supposed to be an article focusing on the two guitarist of Bella Donna. On their way back, they even destroyed a bit of public property just because they were pissed off- Alice over Remus and Lily over Dung. Alice didn't even have time to punch Remus that night for not going to the interview because he appeared right before they were due on stage and disappeared once Lily had calmed down over the shock of destroying her own bass.

Today though, she refused to go to the interview without Remus. He hadn't come back that morning but she had an idea of where he might be.

Alice decided to take things in her own hands. Thankfully, the camera crew was busy with Dorcas for once so she didn't have to figure out how to ditch them on her way to the Ritz. If she _was_ going to meet 'SB' for the first time, it wouldn't be polite to shove cameras in the bloke's face.

* * *

"I feel a little dirtier coming out than I do going in." Sirius smiled, giving Remus another deep kiss on the lips. They were leaning on the doorframe of the bathroom with only towels around their waists.

After ruffling a hand affectionately through Remus' hair, Sirius decided to brush his teeth. He pecked Remus once more on the lips before going back into the bathroom. It was nearing noon and he knew that they needed to part ways soon. Remus needed to go to an interview and Sirius just had to make an appearance and explain to James and Peter why he didn't join them for breakfast or lunch. While he did initially plan to join them for one of the meals, he felt bad at having to wake Remus up relatively early when they hadn't even had sex the night before so he waited. Everything between them seemed to naturally sort itself out in the end and that was all wonderful but Sirius still owed his band mates a better excuse than some hasty text about being tired.

As Sirius ran over his new explanation, Remus was leisurely getting dressed. When he had his trousers halfway up, he noticed there were quite a few messages from Alice. Not really thinking much of what she had to complain about, he glanced over some of the texts. He was a little startled to see the interview time had been moved up but it was the latest text that made his eyes widen in fear.

'I know your in the Ritz. Tell me where you are before I knock on every door.'

Putting on his clothes automatically became a priority but in his panic, he fell over. Remus struggled to pull up his trousers as he lay on the ground but his moist legs and the tightness of the trouser legs were not a good combination. Sirius stuck his head out of the bathroom once he heard the thud of Remus falling. Not noticing the panicked movements at first, Sirius was amused at the way Remus was trying to put on his clothes. By the time Remus had successfully pulled up and buckled his trousers though, Sirius realised something was wrong.

"Alice is here. And she's looking for me. And I don't know if she has a camera crew with her."

Suddenly, Sirius' stomach dropped but he didn't waste any time in helping Remus find the rest of his clothes. Once Remus was pulling on his leather jacket, Sirius started to lead him towards the door of the sitting room. Just as he was about to turn the handle, they heard a door slam and the two familiar voices of James and Peter in the hotel common room indicating there was no way out. For a moment, Sirius was sure his heart stopped.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**: Did my best to get this chapter out ASAP so you guys weren't left hanging too long :) if there are any mistakes let me know!  
**A/N2**: Also, Frank and Alice in this chapter= probably the most fun I had writing a non R/S scene in this fic. I see Alice in my head looking like a blonde Brody Dalle if anyone is interested. Hope you like the scene (and the whole chapter for that matter) as much as I liked writing it...

* * *

Things weren't _too_ bad, given the circumstances. Remus was trying to keep Sirius optimistic. On the bright side, Remus had called Alice and after a short, heated debate, was able to assure Sirius that she had no camera crew in tow and had yet to actually enter the hotel. Still, she was only giving Remus 5 minutes to show up before she entered and started to ask around for him. Alice was pissed and she didn't care how recluse Remus' boyfriend was.

To make matters worse, James and Peter didn't plan to leave the room any time soon. At least that's what their conversation seemed to tell the eavesdroppers. Sirius didn't have the energy or the calm to walk out there and try and get them out. Right now, he was fine with laying on the bed in just a pair of briefs and focus on all the glorious ways his life seemed to spin out of his grasp.

The only consolation to all of this was Remus was rubbing a hand along Sirius' thigh. While it did turn Sirius on slightly, his body understood that this was no time for sex…well it almost understood. Hearing the word boyfriend come from Remus' mouth added to Sirius' nervousness. It made his heart beat all the faster and jammed a lump in his throat but it still somehow gave him a feeling of hopeful excitement.

For ten more minutes, Remus listened to the conversation that was going on outside Sirius' room. During that time, Sirius had lace his fingers with Remus', mostly to stop the comforting hand from causing _all_ of Sirius' blood to move towards his groin. The hand was still comforting though, giving Sirius a reassuring squeeze every so often.

Remus gave Sirius's hand another squeeze but this time it was in anticipation. The voices had suddenly stopped and there was a sound of a door closing. After holding his breathe for another few seconds and not hearing any more voices, Remus realised it was safe to leave and gave Sirius a final kiss before walking out. Relieved he had actually pulled it all off, Remus smiled to himself as he shut Sirius hotel bedroom door with affection. Turning around, Remus was flabbergasted to find James sitting on a sofa, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Uh..." Remus said unintelligently, a sinking feeling in his stomach making him almost want to vomit.

"What the-"

"I wouldn't walk in there for a while." Remus blurted, before bolting for the door, his self-preservation instincts kicking in. Yes, it was a little cowardly but he didn't want to be around for the conversation that was about to take place between James and Sirius. Especially knowing how much James didn't like him.

James watched Remus run out and panic started to well up in his chest. He didn't know what the punk was doing here, how he got in or what he had done to Sirius but it couldn't have been good. Wrenching open the door as fast as he could, all worry disappeared when James saw Sirius only in a pair of briefs as he stretched comfortably on the bed. The smile on the guitarist's face disappeared when he noticed his friend looking at him and Sirius quickly grabbed the sex-wrinkled sheets to cover himself up. From the love bites on Sirius' chest to the smell of sex in the room, James didn't want to believe what was happening even if all of Sirius' strange behaviour started to fall into place. They stared at each other in silence, not moving for a full minute. Then Peter walked out of the bathroom, waking them out of their dreamlike state and all hell broke lose.

* * *

Knowing Sirius' secret was actually rather fun. Frank decided this the moment he started making subtle jokes and remarks in connection to Remus and all things punk. Sirius, as of now, had been unable to retaliate properly and James had been going out of his mind to see that Sirius was but without a particular reason. In the prank war that was waging during this tour, Frank liked to think he was winning.

Humming to himself as he strolled up the stairs, Frank looked through the French magazine he found that had a short interview with Remus Lupin. Just tossing the magazine at Siruis and suggesting a certain page would get his point across.

Still engrossed in the brilliance of his plan, Frank didn't notice a shorthaired bleached-blonde as he turned the corner until she walked straight into his chest.

"Oh! Sorry! I mean désolé," he quickly said but almost backtracked when he saw the woman was wearing tight plaid trousers, chains, a halter vest top and a rather angry lip ringed sneer. A smirk met his lips when he noticed the tattoos on her arms and breasts spilling out of her vest.

"Oi, watch where you're going!" She growled while pushing him. The shove brought Frank back to reality as well as making him fall down against the wall. Completely shocked, it took a moment for Frank to gather his wits and reply just as angrily.

"Me? What about you? Why don't you watch where you're going Courtney Love?"

"Piss off before I snap you in two."

"I'd like to see you try. I expect _you_ to piss off before I call security. How the hell did someone like you get passed the front entrance of the Ritz?"

"Ex_cuse_ me? You little shit!" The woman pulled her arm back to bestow a punch on Frank's face and he lifted up his hands in panic.

"Whoa! Wait! Wait! Let's just calm down! I'm sorry I offended you."

"But you're not sorry about what you said?"

"Okay, I'm sorry about that too." In a final attempt to get her to lower her arm, Frank gave her a charming smile. The woman raised a calculating eyebrow before putting down her arm.

"I'm looking for a friend, if you're dying to know."

"Really?" It was Frank's turn to raise his brow, thinking for a moment and something finally clicked. He actually vaguely remembered seeing a picture of this woman. "Your friend wouldn't happen to be heavily tattooed, in a band and goes by the name Remus would he?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"The name's Frankie Long." Frank introduced himself, holding out his hand with a smile that normally made women's legs buckle. He watched as the punk's eyes slowly moved from his face to his groin in amusement. There was no attempt to take his hand.

"Long huh? I'm-" before she could introduce herself, the sound of thudding boots caught their attention. Looking over, they saw Remus Lupin running down the hall.

"Where the fuck have you been? We need to get down there!"

"I thought I told you to wait outside."

"You just don't want me to see who your boyfriend is!" She accused before taking his wrist and moving towards the stairs. A little upset at being forgotten so easily, Frank decided it would be best if he left those two and see what Remus was running from. He walked down the path he saw Remus running down and unsurprisingly, heard the panicked voice of James.

"What the bloody hell is going on? Why did Sid Vicious what's his name just leave? How long has he been in there with you Sirius? Why weren't you dressed when I barged in? Did he hurt you? What's going on?" James almost howled the last question. The door to the en suite that James and Sirius were sharing was still open and Frank could see Peter trying to calm James down. It was obvious that James knew what was going on- he was just trying to find excuses and lies to believe.

After a few more minutes of shouting and frantic arm waving, it was obvious James wasn't going to calm down anytime soon (he had always been the more reactive of them). To be honest, Sirius wasn't really doing anything to help. He had his shirt on inside out and his trousers weren't done up all the way. He looked thoroughly shagged and very ashamed, so Frank decided it was time to step in.

"James, shut up and breathe. Sirius was afraid to tell you what was happening because he was afraid of how you'd react. Which considering the present circumstances was a very sensible fear."

"You knew what was happening? Why did you tell _him_? _I'm_ your best mate Sirius! _What's happening_?"

"He didn't tell me anything. I found out of my own." Frank insisted, seeing that this was slowly turning into an argument. Their bickering ended when Sirius finally spoke up.

"He's my boyfriend James. I think..." Sirius admitted, silencing Frank and James.

"You think?" Peter asked, trying to encourage Sirius to continue talking.

"We never really talked about it- look, I'm sorry James. I really am. I saw how you acted when you saw Remus the first time and I never wanted you to find out about it all like this. Fuck, I don't even know how I wanted you to find out." There was the weight of defeat in Sirius' words as he shrugged and just looked guilty. He raised a hand towards James in hopes of a sign that they would just laugh it all off but instead James sighed before grabbing his coat and walking out.

* * *

[Excerpt from Rolling Stone interview with The Marauders]

**Rolling Stone: ****So tell me how the band started.**

**James Potter**: Well it started 'round 2001? 2002? I remember we were sitting around my house one summer and moaning about there being nothing to do when my mum passed by. She told us to start something like a band that would be less damaging to our house. At first we thought it was a silly idea but Pete was the one who really took to it.

**Peter Pettigrew**: Yeah, I suppose she planted a seed. We all knew how to play instruments relatively well at the time but never thought about pooling our talents together. Then one particular day Sirius was being particularly moody and I suggested he write out how he felt in a song. The blokes made fun of me for the idea but I kept on insisting until he did it and then the rest really is history.

**RS: The three of you have known each other for a while from the sounds of it. ****How did the three of you meet?**

**JP**: Sirius and Pete and I have known each other since we started school at Eaton.

**PP**: We somehow ended up sitting together during a lesson on the first day and just started chatting- much to the anger of the teacher of course.

**JP:** Yeah, from that point on we were inseparable. We found we all had a love of pranks and joined forces against the school. After about the 4th call from the headmaster during our first year, my mum had taken to calling us the 'Maddening Marauders', which is eventually where our name comes from.

**RS: ****Your debut album **_**Pass It On**_** was released when the three of you were only 17. How did you feel when you saw it climbing through the charts the way it did?**

**PP:** A little bit of shock, a little awe. If the album hadn't done well, I'd probably had gone to university.

**JP**: Yeah, I don't think it really hit me until one day we looked out of our hotel room and saw all of these screaming girls. While that's exciting to a hormonal 17-year-old boy, it was still a little scary to think all those people hardly knew us but had somehow connected with us because of our music.

**RS: ****Sirius? How did you feel about the success of **_**Pass It On**_**? **

**Sirius Black**: I was excited I suppose.

**JP**: Sirius doesn't like to talk much in interviews I'm sure you've heard. I normally do the talking for him.

**SB**: He's quite good at it so I don't have any complaints.

**JP**: Don't let his attempts at stoicism fool you; he was just as giddy as Pete and I, if not more.

* * *

It was a little melodramatic of him to walk out but James had his reasons. They had been best mates since they were 13. If Sirius still thought that he couldn't tell James things because he was afraid of judgment then there was something wrong. Just the fact that Sirius was worried about it all showed that he didn't think very high of James and that's what hurt the most. The last time Sirius had kept something a secret between them had been when his family life got worse. More and more, the band became important to Sirius as he searched for a distraction in hopes of avoiding the issue. Suddenly and seemingly without warning, Sirius dropped out of Eaton. If James hadn't found out from a third source, he wouldn't have known to find Sirius and force him to live with the Potters as opposed to on the streets. Sirius doesn't keep secrets from James but when he does, it's normally because it's something horrible he doesn't want James to worry about.

James had to get out of that room before he started to punch someone...or cried. All he needed right now was to calm down so he could think clearly. To think that Sirius felt lying about a boyfriend was on par with being homeless- it was the stupidest thing he had done in a long while. And there had been some pretty stupid things along the way. Sure James would have been upset but he'd have gotten over it. That's what best mates do. Thinking otherwise was just disrespectful.

After walking blindly for about half an hour, James found himself in front of a music store. He looked at the various guitars in the window and was somewhat shocked to see a familiar multi-coloured red head flailing and shouting at an employee. Carefully opening the door, he walked in and found a slightly secluded area between a couple displays and listened in to the argument that was taking place.

"I don't fucking speak French! Speak English! I need this bass fixed by tonight."

"Non, mademoiselle, une semaine." The clerk tried to explain, getting angrier at Lily's refusal to try and understand him.

"I don't know what that means!"

They continued for a few more sentences until the clerk became too frustrated and started to shoo Lily out of the store.

"What do you think you're doing? NO! I need my bass fixed _tonight_. I have a show." Lily tried enunciating but could tell the French man was as stubborn as she.

"_Please_. I can't afford a new one right now and my fucking manager is being a dick and telling me that it's my fault my bass is smashed and won't lend me any money. I'm broke and I need a bass! Can I rent one?"

"Je suis désolé."

"Oh fuck you!" Lily all but screamed, packing up what was left of her bass guitar and walking with her head held high out of the store. James watched from his secluded spot, chewing on his bottom lip in thought. Suddenly, James pulled out his mobile. It was time he called in a favour.

* * *

It was about half an hour before their performance was about to start and it was one of the few times they weren't surrounded by cameras (the crew had followed Alice and Dorcas somewhere). Lily was sitting on the floor of the waiting room, trying to tune her bass as Remus watched from a chair. She had used a mix of glue and heavy-duty tape to fix it but it wasn't working very well. It would have been fine if the fret board wasn't busted. It wasn't sturdy enough to hold tightened strings. Sighing, it seemed she would have to borrow the bass from the opening band which would be a journey on it's own as she wasn't really getting along with that bassist either.

It frustrated Lily that she couldn't just buy a new bass but Dung had made sure she wouldn't get any more money in her account until after the tour. She had been living off of free food in the green rooms and her anger had just accumulated and resulted in her pretending her bass was Dung's head and smashing it during the encore of last night's show. She felt better until she realised she had smashed her bass and there was one more show left.

She was considering calling the record label and see how much they were really making and how much Dung was giving them. Something told her that Dung was pocketing quite a bit of it.

"You should have told us you couldn't get a new one. We could have pitched." Remus insisted as he watched Lily fail to tune the bass.

"It's fine. I'll borrow Davis' bass."

"Good luck with that one. If you weren't so proud, you'd have your own."

"Shut up Remus."

"You should have also told us that Dung was singling you out this whole tour. He shouldn't have made you pay for that mess in Frankfurt."

"I think he's taking money from us." Lily said seriously, looking Remus in the eyes. He looked back at her and nodded.

"I think so too."

"What are we gonna do?"

"Band meeting after he falls asleep. Dorcas and Alice should be able to say something."

Nodding and going back to her bass, Lily sighed. This was turning out to be a really shitty tour. Their solemn silence was cut off when Alice, Dorcas and the cameramen burst in holding a tall box.

"Lily! Some Frenchie delivery bloke told us this was for you."

"What is it? Who's it from?"

"We don't know. There's no sender name. Open it!"

With everyone watching, Lily took the weighty package and opened it up to find a guitar case inside. When she looked inside it, she gasped.

"Well that's lucky." Dorcas said with a smile. Inside the case was a bass guitar. It was painted a gorgeous streaked blue over black and was brand new. Gingerly, Lily picked up the bass, unable to believe her eyes.

"It's a Roscoe. They cost thousands of pounds."

"It says here number 3 of 10 ever made." Alice read from a card she found in the case, "Swamp Ash body, Spalted Maple top, Bolivian Rosewood fingerboard. Wow. Someone must really like you."

"Who the fuck sent this?" Demanded Lily, still dazed at the masterpiece she was holding close to her.

"We told you we don't know." Dorcas admitted, looking through the packaging to find a name.

"Hey, there's a note on the back of this," Alice noticed as she flipped the card over, "says, 'for Lady Bird, sorry about your dick manager'. What's that supposed to mean? Well despite Dung being a dick. That's a well known fact."

"I..." Lily sat thinking for a moment, trying to sift through her brain on why anyone would call her that. Suddenly it clicked and she started to blush.

"You're blushing. This should be a good story." Remus teased.

"It's nothing. Just...when I was little I started taking singing lessons and at the school there was this boy who followed me around calling me Lady Bird because I had lady bird wellies. Kept on bringing me the damn things every time he saw me."

"Aww, isn't that sweet? Lily's childhood lover."

"He was never my lover!" Lily insisted, blushing even more, "I only knew him for a couple of weeks before my dad lost his job and couldn't afford for me to take lessons. I don't even remember his name."

"Whoever he is, he remembers you and somehow knows that you don't like Dung. At least that solves the bass issue." Remus said, watching Lily still entranced at the clear sounds coming from the strings.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Yay! Another chapter! Thanks for all the kind words! Sorry I haven't been up to date with comments lately. They are all appreciated though!  
A/N2: If you're interested in getting a better visual of how everyone looks in my mind...well A Fine Frenzy AKA Alison Sudol is what I think Lily would have become if her father hadn't lost his job all those years ago and she hadn't become punk and rebellious. I just mention this because that was the first thought I had when I watched her vid Electric Twist (which is awesome).

* * *

**Rita Skeeter Exclusive**

_Pass It On: Marauders Last Tour_

It seems that this could be the last tour The Marauders will perform together. Strained relationships between the members have reached a breaking point. Reports of James Potter and Sirius Black in particular have reached my ever-listening ear. For the past week, the two men have yet to say a word to one another that's not in relation to performing and are hardly seen together before and after shows.

While I admit it's a shame that this wonderful band is going to break up after supporting Frankie Long but I'm sure I'm not the only one to wonder if this means a solo album from the delectable Sirius Black. I sure hope so.

* * *

**Celestina Warbeck  
**_From Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia_

Celestina Nyesha Warbeck (born 16 December, 1988) is an English singer- songwriter, dancer and model, better known simply as Celestina Warbeck. Celestina started her career as a model when she was discovered in a London talent agent's office at the age of 14. Although her original intent for the trip into London had been to try and get signed as a musician, she felt modelling would be a good way to try and enter the entertainment business.

Celestina released her debut album, _Can't Have My Heart_, in 2009. The album peaked in the top ten of the _Billboard_ 200 chart and features her hit singles "Hot, Strong Love", "Right Out", "I'm Gone" and "Bad Boys". _Can't Have My Heart_ earned Celestina a number awards and many more nominations.

Since her debut as a pop singer, there have been numerous comparisons made between Celestina, Rihanna and Lady Gaga.

* * *

Earlier in their friendship, most of the petty fights that Sirius and James had often ended with a punch. As they matured slightly and spent even more time together, they developed a silent understanding of the other. Nowadays, their arguments normally would end with a few hours of silence between them until they were cooled down enough to give each other an understanding nod and perhaps a pat on the back. This fight had been different though.

Despite the numerous attempts at small talk and apologies, James refused to acknowledge Sirius. Any mention of what had happened in that hotel suite fired James up once again and Sirius realised early on he needed to back off and let his friend try and get over the shock. Unfortunately, others started to notice and tried to find out what was wrong, eventually making matters worse.

It had been a few weeks after the tour and Sirius had yet to hear anything from James. In fact, James had even missed a charity dinner the band had planned to attend. This only served to highlight how rocky their relationship had become. Sirius had started to regret going on the tour. Everything had ended so badly and not only did Sirius no longer talk to James but he had also stopped talking to Frank -but that was because of reasons other than the Ritz incident.

Peter was the only band member who was still in contact with all three of his old friends and was constantly trying to find ways to fix the severed ties. Currently, he was working on Sirius as they chatted in Sirius' flat. Even though Sirius felt there was no need for Peter to stick his nose in matters that would hopefully naturally heal on its own, he still enjoyed the company of the drummer who had a particularly good sense of humour and could make him laugh even if thoughts about James or Frank darkened his mood.

"Frank's still pestering me to ask you for the number of that blonde bird in Remus' band." Peter mentioned lightly, in hopes that mentioning Frank in a somewhat amusing way would lessen Sirius' anger.

"Has he apologised to me yet?" Demanded Sirius and Peter shook his head, trying to hide a sigh. "Then he's not getting any help from me. Besides, I talked to Remus about it and he told me Alice would rather stab Frank in the eye than listen to him try and charm her. Tell him that."

"Come on mate, you know Frank's a bit of a wanker. It adds to his charm. Do you really need to stay angry with him? He did try to help out between you and James."

"Well it didn't do any good, did it?" Sirius bitterly said. "Besides, Frank being a wanker doesn't give him an excuse for getting me drunk and suggesting I get a tattoo."

"No offence, but you're the one who went whole heartedly with the idea. Anyway I think it's kind of…cute. Getting the initials of your boyfriend and all. How's it healing up by the way?"

"It's all right thanks." Even though Sirius didn't want to admit it, he still got a thrill every time he thought about the tattoo. On one of the last days of the tour, Frank had gotten Sirius so drunk that he had been relatively open to any suggestion on how to pass time. Frank suggested tattoos and Sirius decided it was a brilliant idea. Though from what Sirius could piece together, the getting a tattoo and Remus who had numerous tattoos were two thoughts that kept on linking. So in the end, Sirius had the initials RJL tattooed on the very spot Remus had licked him the first time they met.

No matter how much Sirius objected to the tattoo or blamed Frank for being a complete bastard, he knew he wasn't going to make any plans to get it removed any time soon. The first time Remus saw it, he grinned like a maniac and gave Sirius the best blowjob he had ever received. The tattoo had only just healed fully and Remus had been somewhat obsessed with it. As long as it kept on reassuring amazing sex, Sirius really didn't see any reason to get it removed. Besides, it wasn't like anyone else could see it.

"Can we talk about something else? This is getting me depressed." Lied Sirius, already feeling himself heat up at the thoughts of what Remus had done to him in bed.

"Uh sure…what did you have in mind?" Peter asked, deciding to let Sirius guide the conversation. As much as he would like to try and mend things with Sirius and James, he knew he had to be careful. James may have been the more dramatic one but Sirius knew how to keep a grudge.

"What's been going on in your life?"

"Doing a few more hosting gigs for the BBC."

"Really? Buzzcocks again?"

"Yeah, also may be on the couch with Graham Norton. A lot of it is still early days but I guess they liked my last time hosting Buzzcocks and wanted me to do a few more."

"That makes sense. You did well on Buzzcocks. I couldn't stop laughing."

"Yeah…if I'm lucky, I convinced Celestina to be on the panel."

"Celestina?" The name rang a bell and Sirius saw a tinge of pink on Peter's cheeks. She must have been important to the drummer.

"Warbeck. You remember? We first met her at Lollapalooza and then she sat at our table during that charity dinner."

"Oh yeah, the chatty one," Sirius suddenly remembered the singer. She seemed sweet and talked quite a bit. Another thing Sirius remembered about her was that she was attractive- even if he didn't like to admit there were women he found attractive.

"She was laughing at all your jokes at the dinner."

"Yeah when she wasn't flirting with you." Peter said with a tinge of jealousy. He knew he wasn't the most attractive one of The Marauders and tried to make up for in humour but for a bird like Celestina, that wouldn't be enough

"Flirting? Is that what she was doing? Aw, come on Pete. Don't be upset. You know just as well as I do I'm not interested in her."

"Yeah, well you still exchanged numbers."

"Only because she wanted me to produce a couple of songs for her new album."

"Yeah, right. That's definitely what she had in mind." Laughed Peter bitterly. It caused Sirius to frown. Before Sirius could say anything to make Peter feel better, the front door of the flat opened. Remus walked through the door with a bag of groceries and acknowledged the two men in the living room before making his way towards the kitchen. Suddenly, Peter stood up, rubbing his hands together nervously.

"Uh, I think I'll be heading off." Peter announced.

"You sure? You practically just got here."

"No, I wouldn't want to disturb the two of you. See you soon Sirius. Tell Celestina I said hello."

As Peter made way for the door, Remus exited the kitchen and smiled.

"Hey Peter. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm going though. Bye."

The door closed quickly behind Peter, leaving the two men alone. Remus walked over to sit next to Sirius on the sofa with a sigh. He leaned into Sirius as arms snaked around the punk's waist.

"I don't think he likes me either." Said Remus and Sirius kissed him on the neck gently.

"Don't say that."

"It's true. None of your friends seem to like me."

"Give them time to adjust. They'll warm up." Assured Sirius. Although Remus didn't believe it, he didn't say anything further as Sirius reached out for the remote to turn on the tele. Once a suitable channel was found, they snuggled closer together. Basking in the attention Sirius was still giving him, Remus moved his neck so more kisses could be placed on it. Eventually, their attention was brought back to whatever show was playing as they found each other's hands and weaved their fingers together.

* * *

James was surprised, but excited nonetheless, to find Lily Evans standing on his doorstep. After his initial shock wore off, he invited her in and suddenly realised there was a bass guitar case strapped to her back.

"What brings you here?" He asked, not bothering to ask the other questions of how she knew where he lived and how she got past security.

"I wanted to give your bass back. I can't keep it." She said, taking the bass guitar case off her back.

"You remembered me? I mean, you remembered me from way back when? The nick name and everything?" He felt his chest inflate with glee. It was a long shot that she'd even remember all those years ago. He was convinced at that age that she was his soul mate and the redhead had stayed in the back of his mind since then. Maybe she felt the same.

"Oh…um no. You're name's engraved on a plate in the back of the fret board. I noticed it a couple weeks ago." Admitted Lily and James felt like an utter berk. Of course she didn't remember him.

"Oh yeah…"

"Thanks though…for the bass and uh, remembering I guess. I mean, after I read the note I got some flashbacks. It's not that I didn't want to remember before though," explained Lily. She felt bad for James. Sure he had struck her at first as a creep but now she knew why. He'd liked her since they were kids and still liked her enough to give her a bass when she most needed one. The fact that James had known her from years before put a lot of his actions into perspective. It was actually rather sweet of him if she took the time to think about it.

"I- that time was the start of my life turning to shit really. I don't really think about a lot of things from when I was a kid." Lily explained and James seemed to understand.

"Oh, no. That's fine. I suppose I should have known something was up when you had been pulled out of lessons."

"We were what? 5? You weren't to know. I'm sorry I acted like a bitch to you before last time we saw each other though."

"You didn't remember me. I must have looked like a creeper." James agreed, shrugging off their recent past.

"Well…thanks for everything. Here." Lily tried to hand James back his bass but he refused to take it back.

"No, it was a present, you keep it."

"I can't. Not without being guilty."

"It's not a big deal. I can afford another one."

"Yeah well I can't afford one and it's not right to accept it. I feel like I'd owe you something more than I'm comfortable with." Lily continued and James noticed she was starting to get agitated.

"All right. Maybe one day you'll take it." Caved James. He was finally having a proper conversation with her and didn't want to sour the mood. Taking back the bass, James had full intentions of giving it back to Lily one day. Or perhaps buying one especially made for her.

"Well, thanks again. I should head off."

"Wait- do you want tea or something? I mean, we could catch up properly. It's been a long while yeah?" For a moment, Lily looked hesitant before finally agreeing. Excited, James sat the bass on a sofa before leading her all the way to the kitchen.

"So uh, your manager still a jerk?" He asked casually, not knowing he was opening a can of rabid worms.

"God is he ever. I absolutely hate him! The smug fucking berk."

"Uh…"

"He's a conniving thieving bastard and I wish I had some case against him. Wipe that smug smirk off his face forever."

"Case?"

"Oh sorry. I suppose I should go ahead and tell you. I think he's been taking money from the band and pocketing it. I mean, none of us get much and he made me pay for all these damages in Germany one night when we got rowdy. It was why I couldn't buy a bass when I needed one."

"He charged you? It's his responsibility as a manager to deal with the finances during the tour. Not shove them off to you. In fact, it should be in his contract. That itself could be a grounds for legal action. Hey, I can call up my lawyer and talk to him about it and maybe he'd have some suggestions about what to do."

"First a bass and now a lawyer? This really is too much."

"Hey, you gave me back my bass. This is legal business. If your manager really is cheating you out of money, then wouldn't it be better to figure it all out now legally before you get into any trouble trying to get a case with other methods?"

"Well I suppose…"

"You don't have to feel like you owe me anything. I've been going out of my mind with boredom these past few weeks. It'll give me something to do if anything. I mean that is if you want me to help out more."

Lily looked at James for a moment. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to help and a part of Lily wanted to let him. Sure she had her pride but maybe spending more time with him might be fun- even if it was all legal jargon. Remus had all but moved out it felt and she'd been feeling a little lonely as of late.

Smiling, Lily took James' offer as well as the cup of tea he handed her.

* * *

Since returning from tour, Sirius had found Remus lounging throughout his flat more and more. It wasn't disconcerting at all. In fact, Sirius rather liked being able to walk over to Remus, plant a large kiss on his forehead and then walk away without questions. He had a feeling Remus enjoyed it as well.

Still, Remus was not bound to Sirius in any tangible way and so had taken to coming and going as freely as he wanted. Though often it would be just going out for needed socialising and getting some clothes at his flat before coming back and snuggling next to Sirius.

After finishing some errands, one including a meeting with his manager Kingsley Shacklebolt, Sirius returned home. He wasn't surprised to find the flat dark and quiet so just assumed Remus had wandered outside. Walking towards his bedroom, an exotic smell caught Sirius' attention. It was a mix of peppermint, roses, eucalyptus leaves, lavender and a hint of smoke. Following it into the bedroom that happened to still have its lights on, Sirius walked further until he reached the bathroom door. It was only open a crack but a little steam was escaping. Poking his head in, Sirius was surprised to see Remus lying back in the large tub, up to his neck in bubbles. A lit cigarette was in one hand and a small teacup was in his other as a makeshift ashtray. Sirius wasn't sure whether to be amused to see Remus in a bubble bath or to be upset Remus was smoking in the flat.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a man who liked baths." Sirius stated as he walked in. Remus didn't show any sign of being shocked at having been found out and Sirius wasn't sure if the flush on his cheeks was a blush or just a sign that the water was hot.

"Sorry but I sort of pegged you for a man who would have bubbles and bath salts. Though them being in pink packaging was a bit of a surprise." Remus replied taking a long drag and letting the smoke slowly escape from his nostrils and mouth. Taking a seat on the sink counter, Sirius leaned back, hoping it would help him assess the situation.

"If you had noticed, it was all unopened in an equally unopened gift basket. It was a present from a bath salt company but the name on the gift card- if memory serves me right- was Shakira. I think they must have thought I was dating her at the time." Sirius said, defence in his tone. For a moment, he faltered, wondering whether to question Remus on the cigarettes. A lighter and new packet of cigarettes was sitting on the ground by the bathtub. From this angle, he could see slightly into the teacup and saw other cigarette butts. Knowing that Remus had stopped smoking pot at the knowledge that it made Sirius uncomfortable (or if he was still doing it, was hiding it very well), Sirius took a breath and chanced it.

"Why are you smoking? You know I don't like it. Well, I mean I never stated it but you know how I felt about the weed and-" Sirius stopped when Remus roughly shoved the half smoked cigarette into the cup, putting it out. Then he let his arm fall over the side of the tub, teacup dropping to the ground with ash and butts spilling out and mingling with the broken china.

A little shocked and hurt at the reaction, Sirius slipped off the counter to leave but stopped when he heard Remus' next sentence.

"I used to take baths when I was little. After a bad day at school, I'd get in and pretend it didn't happen."

"Was today a bad day?" Asked Sirius in concern. He remembered something about Remus getting picked on as a child and all thoughts of being angry with him dispersed. Moving over to sit on the edge of the tub, Sirius made sure to avoid the ash and porcelain on the tiles.

"Lily's gonna take Dung to court. Said she's finally got some evidence that he's been cheating us and pocketing our profits."

"Oh. Well that's good then, isn't it? You'll get it back?"

"Well Dung is a twat. But he's a smart twat. Once he hears what she's planning he'll probably piss off somewhere we can't find him. It's all bullshit. I hate court."

"Well if it's a legal matter, he'll have to come to court sometime right?"

Remus shrugged a little before settling further into the bath. It was an obvious sign that he didn't want to think about the impending lawsuit anymore. Sirius started to take off his clothes and poked Remus so the punk would scoot over a bit. The tub had more than enough room for one person but they'd have to shift a little until the both of them could fit comfortably.

Once Sirius got into the hot bath, he settled down and put an arm around Remus. The saddened punk simply let his self be held, burrowing his head in the crook of Sirius' neck before closing his eyes with an indulgent sigh. Kissing Remus' forehead, Sirius smiled and just started to stroke Remus' wet hair.

* * *

Late that night, Sirius found himself lying in bed with Remus sleeping in his arms. For once, he felt at peace. It didn't matter that James was still angry with him or that Frank was still a berk. None of that mattered at this moment because he had Remus.

Giving the sleeping punk a soft kiss on the forehead, Sirius thought back to the visit Peter had paid him about a week earlier. He genuinely felt bad for the drummer. It was true that Sirius and James earned a lot of attention from women. Sure, Pete got quite a few ladies as well but his looks had always been a soft spot for him. Since their fame exploded, Pete started to go to the gym more often and took more and more advice from their stylists but he may not really ever reach the same status of Sirius as the heartthrob.

Even if Sirius didn't care about birds throwing themselves at him, he at least had someone like Remus now. Someone who he could go home to and not care about what tabloids or managers said. Someone whose kiss made any shit day better. There was nothing better than that.

Before drifting off to sleep, Sirius made a mental note to call Celestina the next day to try and talk about producing a few songs and perhaps putting in a few good words for Peter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning: **This chapter contains graphic M/M sex. **  
Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement intended. All characters belong to JK and Co. Song belongs to PJ Harvey. **  
****A/N: **The lovely song Sirius and Remus play/ 'write' is actually PJ Harvey's _This Is Love. _If you don't know her or the song check them out! She's awesome.

* * *

**Rita Skeeter Exclusive: Sirius Black In Love**

Sorry ladies, Sirius Black is off the dating market. It seems Sirius has been in a relationship with British pop-singer Celestina Warbeck for quite some time. A friend of Celestina says the two met at the Lollapalooza Music Festival in August and hit it off right away.

"Sirius has always been a bit commitment phobic but he's so happy with Celestina. Celestina thinks he may be the one and that's also a pretty big deal as she's never had much luck with men before," a friend tells us. "They spend any moment they can together and talk all the time on the phone. He's such a gentleman with her. Celestina says this is what true love feels like."

The British heartthrob has never openly discussed his love life but has been romantically linked to many women including Natasha Bedingfield, Mya, Kim Kardashian, Leona Lewis and Katy Perry to name a few. Though it sounds like Celestina may be the woman he's been waiting for. Reps denied the relationship but numerous photos have surfaced of the two happily linked arm in arm, walking around London after a dinner date. Perhaps Celestina was the one to place those lovebites on Sirius' neck all those months ago…

* * *

Life had become a blissful blur. At one point, it was realised Remus had left enough clothes at Sirius' that a couple of drawers became reserved for his things. He even had his toothbrush in the bathroom and his favourite brand of beer in the kitchen.

While Sirius still wouldn't risk being seen outside with Remus, the two had not become stir crazy. Quite the contrary, it was a lot of fun. Sometimes they'd watch movies together, play video games, play guitar or just snuggle together in a bath. Lately, Sirius had found himself biting his tongue, trying to keep himself from declaring how he knew he truly felt about the punk. He already gotten Remus' initials tattooed under his navel and didn't want to appear sappier than he already looked. It was silly, he knew, but he was entitled to have some pride left.

The only real problem they had right now was that bloody Rita Skeeter. First she wrote that article about The Marauders breaking up and _now_ she had an article about his dinner with Celestina accompanied with paparazzi photos he didn't even know were taken. Yes, Sirius had gone to dinner with Celestina but it was to talk about writing songs and Peter.

At first, Celestina had assumed it was a date but Sirius quickly set the record straight and told her he wasn't interested but thought she seemed to get along with Peter. Although she was upset at Sirius' lack of mutual desire, she said she'd think about Peter and then they got to talk about her new album. Much to Sirius' surprise, she was a huge fan of bands such as The Stone Roses and Suede. The reason she had wanted him to co-write and produce a few songs (other than trying to have a go at him) was because she felt he genuinely was someone who would successfully mesh the pop sound the label wanted with some style of the musicians she admired. Their conversation quickly turned to one about their favourite musicians and eventually decided it would be best to finish up talking as they walked around the city.

After the article was released, Remus jokingly moped about the flat and complained that Sirius was going to leave him. In an attempt to shut him up every time he started to whinge, Sirius gave Remus a rather good blowjob. So in a way they both benefited a little from Skeeter's active imagination.

Right now, they were in Sirius' recording studio. Sirius had set up his laptop to record their session as they had started doing as of late. It made him a little guilty that they didn't use the live room or most of the new equipment but their little recording sessions often ended in sex. Sirius thoroughly enjoyed their post-recording sex sessions but it sort of dampened the mood to have to rush around and shut all the equipment off. At least with the laptop he could quickly stop it and if the melody was good enough he could officially record it in the studio later.

They had settled themselves on the control room sofa, a guitar each, where Sirius was showing Remus his newest chord progression. From the deep sounds of the power chords, it was obviously influenced by Remus and from the smile on Remus' face, he was very aware of it. What Sirius didn't want to tell him was it was actually the sound he felt ideally embodied Remus' personality. Intense and resonant.

Even if Sirius didn't say it, Remus somehow understood. After Sirius repeated his progression a couple of times, Remus joined in with a light melody of what Sirius was to him. After they had settled on a simple arrangement, Remus started to add his own cheeky lyrics.

"I can't believe life's so complex, when all I want to do is watch you undress." He sang, making Sirius smile. Again, the feelings that were starting to become nature urged themselves to the tip of his tongue and for some reason, Sirius decided to forgo the little bit of pride he had left and sing out the only possible chorus for this song.

"This is love, this is love, that I'm feeling. This is love, love, love that I'm feeling." Sang Sirius, focusing on his fret board at first before looking up and seeing a satisfied smile on Remus' face. They suddenly stopped playing and stared deeply into each other's eyes. Immediately, another thought that had been fermenting in Sirius' head urged itself to the surface of his consciousness.

"I want you inside me." Sirius said suddenly.

"Really?" Remus asked, not believing his ears. If Sirius really did want to have anal sex then Remus was a little shocked (excited, but shocked). While Remus hadn't found anything wrong with the frotting, blow jobs or mutual wanking that had become enjoyable routine, he simply assumed Sirius didn't like anal play and settled with the fact that little Remus wasn't likely to get anywhere near Sirius' arse.

"Yes, I want your cock inside me Remus." Sirius said, putting down his guitar and looking into Remus' shocked eyes. It took a moment or two before Remus finally processed Sirius was, well lack of a better word, serious.

"But I don't- I mean I didn't think you wanted it. I, I don't have any lube or-" Remus was cut off by a kiss from Sirius. He gave Remus a reassuring smile as he ran a hand through Remus' hair.

"I bought everything. Don't worry." Sirius stood up and walked over to a small cabinet that Remus had never actually bothered to look in. Pulling open one of the drawers, Sirius pulled out a packet of condoms and some lubricant and blushed slightly at Remus' questioning brow.

"I sort of hid it...I admit I was a little shy about you seeing it. I wanted to surprise you." Admitted Sirius, walking back to the sofa and sat a good distance away from Remus. Finally snapping out of his daze, Remus put down the guitar he had been playing, moved closer to Sirius and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Are you sure about this?" Remus asked.

"Yes." Replied Sirius confidently and Remus decided it was his cue to start rubbing at Sirius' crotch. Feeling familiar desire starting to pulse through him, Sirius took off Remus shirt so he could run his hands across the many tattoos on his chest and stomach. He eventually focused rubbing Remus' nipples and a guttural moan left the punk's mouth. The groan went straight to Sirius' groin and soon there were naked and writhing against each other in pure need.

"Should we- ah, should we go to bed? Ugh, fuck." Remus grunted, ready to move but then Sirius grabbed his cock and started to pump it.

"No, I need you now. I can't wait that long."

A whimper was heard from Remus as Sirius removed his hand and reached for the lube. Not wasting anytime, Sirius squirted a generous amount into his hand, pushing the rest of the bottle towards Remus chest and got to work preparing himself. It had been awhile since Sirius bottomed, so he took his time adjusting to the feel of his fingers, stretching himself out. In slight awe, Remus stared at Sirius, not believing what was happening. He snapped out of his daze when he realised Sirius had started to thrust himself on his fingers, moans increasing the closer he got towards the edge.

Quickly, Remus put on a condom and lubed up. He placed a hand around Sirius' wrist to stop his movements and they started to shift into a better position.

They settled for Sirius lying on the sofa with a throw pillow under him to prop him up. Lining up his cock, Remus slowly started to enter Sirius. It was tight and hot and the moans from Sirius only encouraged him. When he was up to his hilt, Remus placed one hand on Sirius' hip, occasionally moving over to rub against his tattoo. Another hand found its way on the sofa arm above Sirius' head for leverage as he started to pump in and out. The pace was slow and tentative at first, Remus not wanting to hurt Sirius but also having trouble controlling himself when even the tiniest movement caused waves of pleasure to seep through him.

It took a few more thrusts but Sirius started to feel more comfortable as any pain gave way to pleasure.

"Harder." Sirius commanded and Remus didn't need to be told again. The punk started to thrust faster and harder, trying a few different angles until a long, loud groan from Sirius was the sign that Remus had found his prostate. Smiling, Remus continued to pound into that one spot, making Sirius fall apart like never before during all their previous sexual experiences together. Their moans mixed in the air, full of want as Remus placed a leg on the floor so he could thrust even harder into Sirius. The punk's foot accidentally hit the laptop that was on the floor, reminding Remus that every sound they made was still being recorded. That knowledge only served to fuel him even more as his thrusts grew more erratic.

The only sounds that Sirius could hear were their heavy moans and the sound of Remus' flesh slapping against Sirius'. It pushed him teetering towards release and he finally came with a shout the moment Remus touched his ignored cock.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, _fuck_." Remus was still pumping Sirius' softening cock until he also came hard with a curse.

* * *

On James' doorstep stood his oldest and best friend in the world, Sirius Black. It had taken a few months but the sight of the other man finally didn't make him see rage. The other day, James finally felt that he could forgive Sirius. Or rather, Lily had said he should forgive Sirius since it had been months since the fight. James had never told her what the fight had really been about or that her own band mate was the one who unintentionally started it all. Rather quickly, James realised Lily had no knowledge of who Remus was with and decided it wasn't his place to say anything. Whatever Sirius and Remus did wasn't his business and even if James was still mad at them, he wasn't about to go blabbing about things that he had no real part in. If they wanted to hurt those closest to them, he wasn't going to stop them. There were consequences and they'd have to be the ones held responsible for them.

Consequences, in James' opinion, could be wonderful. James had sent Lily a bass and in consequence, she started to spend more time with him. At first, it had been because of that nasty business with her manager. Once they finally found some substantial evidence of his stealing the band's profits and violation of management duties as stated by their contract, the bastard had left the country. Somehow, he got wind of what they were planning to do and decided to take what money he still had access to and run.

That had all been rather disappointing for Lily especially but there was some tiny good to come out of it. It seemed that Lily had actually enjoyed all that time with James and again, in consequence decided to spend time with him even if all trial proceedings had to be put on hold. Then just last week, they had their first kiss. It had been as perfect an experience he ever had in his life and made him feel lighter than air when he thought about it, even a week later. If people actually had one soul mate then James' would be Lily and it seemed that she too was starting to realise this.

What was happening was precious and amazing and so perfect that James wanted to protect it and keep it all his own. This was one of the reasons he was willing to forgive Sirius. If Sirius had felt a fraction of what James was feeling at the moment when Sirius started to see Remus then perhaps the secret was understandable.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should never have kept my relationship with him a secret." Sirius said the moment James opened the door.

"I should be sorry. I should never have blown up like I did. It's your life and you should feel free to see whoever you want without having to check in with me."

"But you had a right to be angry. I was sneaking around behind your back-"

"Let's agree we were both a little wrong and forget it?" James concluded, stepping back so Sirius could walk inside.

"All right." Once the door was closed, they gave each other a long hug. Time with Remus was wonderful but Sirius still missed his best mate.

"Have you forgiven Frank yet? He's been ringing me every so often."

"No I haven't talked to him since the tour. I think I'll make him sweat a bit longer. Teach him a lesson."

"Come on then, lets see it." James nudged and Sirius rolled his eyes, knowing automatically what James was referring to. Lifting up his shirt and pulling down his jeans a little, Sirius showed James his tattoo.

"Aww, isn't that sweet?" Cooed James, earning a shove.

"All right enough of that." Sirius pulled his shirt down and started to walk towards the living room.

"You gonna keep it?" The question made Sirius stop suddenly. "I'll take that as a yes. So you two are a proper couple then?"

"Yes." Answered Sirius, almost hesitating then feeling silly about it when James pat him on the back.

"Still going strong you two? From all I've been hearing would have thought you would change it to CW."

"Bloody hell, don't get me started on that trash." Sirius flopped down on James' sofa and buried his head in a pillow.

"Ah- so not true then? Peter'll be relieved to hear that."

"Pete's upset about those tabloids?" Winced Sirius. He never thought that Peter would actually take Skeeter's words to heart. It did explain why he hasn't stopped by lately. Still, wasn't this just typical? Once Sirius made up with one friend another one got angry with him.

"I wouldn't worry about it. He knows you're mad about cock. Probably angry that you went out to dinner with her and didn't let him know though."

"That dinner was purely business. She wants me to produce a few songs for her and I even put in a few good words for Pete."

"Was that walk in the park purely business? Hey, I know there's nothing funny going on between you and her. I'm just saying you probably didn't think it all through when it came to Pete. Call him up later and explain it all."

"At first I was angry at Skeeter for all those bullshit articles but it seems she was right about the band breaking up."

"Hey now don't say that. It's not over until we say it's over. Peter'll get over it like I got over you and Remus." James assured. It felt good to have his best friend back. Without him, Sirius would just continue to commit faux pas after faux pas.

"So what have you been up to? It's been months yeah?"

"Oh you know, this and that. Nothing too important though." James shrugged. The thought of telling Sirius about Lily crossed his mind but he decided not to. If Sirius could keep some secrets then James could too.

* * *

"Hey Alice." Frank was relieved that Alice had finally decided to come back home from whatever she was doing. He had been waiting on her doorstep for over an hour now and had started to feel a little unsafe.

"What the fuck?" Much to his displeasure, Alice shouted and pulled out a knife. Most blokes would be put off that a woman was pointing a knife rather close to their larynx when they had only good intentions but Frank wasn't most blokes. Thus, this was not deterring him in the slightest though he did raise his arms up just to show no ill will.

"Alice! Where have you been?"

"Who the fuck are you? What are you doing on in front of my house?" Alice insisted, still not putting away her knife.

"I'm Frankie Long, remember?" He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It _did_ deter him to see that she didn't remember him at all. "We met at the Ritz, you ran off with that guy in your band."

"Oh, you're that creep I almost punched in the hall." She said, finally recognizing him and putting the knife back in her boot. "Why are you here?"

"Well I wasn't doing anything and was hoping that maybe we could do something together. Movie? Wine?"

"Nah, I'd rather not."

"Uh, okay well can I come in?" Alice had already pulled out her key and opened her door. Frank wasn't sure exactly what was happening. Women didn't turn him down. Or if they shot down one idea it was just to cut short the foreplay and get to the real fun.

"No. But if you want I can call you a cab. Bloke like you all alone in a neighborhood like this? You'll get mugged in a second." She said before closing the door on his face. It took a minute for Frankie to realise she wasn't going to open the door again.

For the first time in a long while, Frank felt insecure.


	13. Chapter 13

**Warning**: This chapter contains graphic man/man action.  
**A/N**: I feel like it's been a while but maybe it just feels like that because I've been working mostly 12 hour days for the past couple weeks. Anyhoo, this chapter is brought to you by my urge for escapism after a horrible few days. :/  
**A/N2**: As always, your comments fill me with joy. *heart*

* * *

"What's all this business about you fighting with Peter and James? Don't tell me Skeeter's ran out of stories and has started to report the truth. Why am I the last to know about this? I _am_ your manager. I'm entitled to the knowledge that the band is breaking up." Just as Sirius reached the hallway of his flat complex, he received a rather testy call from Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Don't worry about it-"

"You bet I'm going to worry about it. I met with you weeks ago and you said you were going to sort out things with James. Then I hear you've got Peter upset because you've stolen his girlfriend. I thought you were gay?" Kingsley complained but there was a hint of amusement in his voice. Sirius looked around the hallway to make sure there was no one near before whispering testily.

"I _am_. Besides, I patched things up with James just now and I'll fix up the mess with Peter."

"Sirius, I want the truth for once. I didn't say anything last time when you refused to tell me what was going on between you and James but now you've upset Peter. PR's going mental from every major publication calling to ask about the break-up or when your wedding to Celestina Warbeck is. Do you know how unprofessional I feel having to make up some excuse because you don't bother telling me anything?"

"I'm sorry Kingsley." Sirius said, getting a little tired of having to apologise to everyone. When Kingsley's next tirade started, Sirius sighed and leaned against the wall.

"Don't you trust me anymore? I _told_ you when I first started to manage the band that I'd do whatever is in my ability to protect you. All of you. I _can't_ do that if you don't tell me what's going on. Either you start telling me the truth or I'm handing you over to the tabloids to fend for your own." Finished Kingsley, making Sirius slide down the wall in defeat. Kingsley was pretty much right on most counts. It took Sirius a moment before he could select the proper words.

"All right, all right, I'll tell you. So me and James got in a fight in during the tour _and_ before you start up again, we've made up."

"Okay, I knew that. What were you two bickering over?"

"Well, I've sort of been...seeing someone and he didn't approve."

"Really? As in a proper relationship without contracts?" Kingsley asked, legitimately interested now.

"Yes. It's pretty serious. Been, I don't know...quite a few months now. Started a few weeks or so before the tour. I didn't tell James about it because they didn't seem to get along but it's all fixed."

"Who is he? Did you finally call that actor I told you about ages ago?"

"No," Sirius rolled his eyes. "And I'd rather not tell you right now. I'm in a hallway, you never know who's listening."

"All right, I know when to stop prying on a matter. Tell me later then. Now what's this business about Peter."

"Pete's got a eyes on that Celestina Warbeck and was upset that she liked me. She also wanted me to produce a few songs for her and we talked about it over dinner. A dinner where I tried to get her to consider asking Pete for a date. Then Skeeter saw pictures of us leaving the restaurant and thinks we're dating and now Peter's upset. And that's it."

"Hmm, I see. Well, patch things up with Peter and next time don't go sticking your nose in romantic heterosexual manners. Thank you for telling me the truth for once though."

"So I can go now?" Sirius asked impatiently, getting up from the wall and taking the last few steps to his front door.

"Yes but I want meet up with you to discuss this secret boyfriend of yours."

"Are you going to do anything about the band break-up rumours?"

"In due time, free publicity and all that."

"What happened to 'protecting us'?"

"I did my part. I made sure you boys were all happy. I say let the tabloids make up their own reasons and then dispel it all to the highest bidder in a full spread announcing the new album. You have any demos yet?"

"Okay I'm hanging up now." Announced Sirius, not waiting to hear any of Kingsley's objections before unlocking his door and walking into the flat. Even though he was relieved about having Kingsley satisfied for the moment, he still knew he had to deal with Peter and probably Celestina. It was possible he didn't make it clear enough at dinner that he had no interest in her and maybe a friend simply slewed up words from Celestina. Either way, he needed to find a way to relieve tension. Walking towards the living room, Sirius called out to Remus.

"You better have a hard on because I want it up my- oh." His demand was cut short when Peter walked out of the kitchen a little white faced. He had a fresh cup of tea in one hand it but went ignored.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius almost stumbled on his words.

"I came by to talk to you. Wanted to apologise about not stopping by." Explained Peter. "Though if this is what happens every time you walk in then I'm not sure I want to visit anymore."

"Ah well- um, I didn't mean-"

"I hope you did." Remus shouted from the kitchen. He walked out with a beer in his hand and gave Peter a pat on the back. "Was just chatting with Peter though I'll wait in the bedroom if you want while you talk things out. Make it short." Finished Remus, waving goodbye to Peter before slapping Sirius on the arse and walking towards the bedroom.

"He's a nice chap." Peter said finally. "I uh, well you may have been wondering why I haven't got in contact with you lately. I read that article about you and Celestina and it upset me. I know you wouldn't date her but still, it was sort of a sensitive subject at the time."

"Yeah I wanted to talk to you about that. We only talked about me producing. I told her at the start that I'm not interested romantically but if she still didn't get it I'll call her and explain again."

"You don't have to."

"No I owe it to you especially."

"Well that's another thing I wanted to tell you. Celestina called me up a few days ago when she was doing a few shows in South America and we just talked for hours. She wants to meet up later this week when she gets back to the country. Said to say thanks to you on her behalf for getting her to notice things she didn't before. You've done more than enough." Explained Peter, smiling as he handed his tea to Sirius.

"Now I'm going to go because I don't want to see what happens when Remus get angry. I'm sure he could kick my arse."

"He probably could kick mine too so I'd better get in there." Agreed Sirius before frowning at the choice of his words. Peter just laughed and headed towards the door.

"Well I'll see you later mate. Have fun but not too much."

"Yeah, oh call Kingsley and tell him you're not angry anymore."

"Will do."

As soon as the door closed behind Peter, Sirius put down the tea and rushed towards the bedroom.

* * *

Yes, James had always been the more dramatic one of the band. He'd own up to it. If the band hadn't worked out, maybe he'd have considered drama school. Lucky for him, even if the lads thought it was a little annoying at times, Lily felt his dramatics were endearing. Well, her actual phrasing was 'you're entertaining when you scream like a little girl' but she had kissed him on the cheek after saying it so it was practically the same thing. But, his dramatics _did_ have some positives. It was sometimes surprising how blowing things out of proportion could really get things done.

"Look what I found on the Internet." Lily said, walking into the bedroom and throwing a folded up piece of paper on his lap. She had spent the night and was currently wearing his boxers and one of his t-shirts. Bloody hell did she look better in James' clothes than he did. James took a moment to appreciate her appearance- her tousled hair, flushed pink lips and sensual curves. Settling more comfortably in the sheets, James sighed, earning a quizzical eyebrow from Lily that reminded him she was waiting for him to read whatever was on that sheet.

"Something about us? Did Rolling Stone pronounce us the hottest couple in rock?"

"Just read it you dolt." Lily rolled her eyes but still sat down next to him on the bed, waiting for his reaction. Unfolding the paper, James frowned when he saw she had printed out an article from Rita Skeeter's website.

_**Rita Skeeter Exclusive  
**__**Love Triangle Ends The Marauders**_

_Photos have surfaced of The Marauders drummer Peter Pettigrew holding hands and passionately kissing Celestina Warbeck- just weeks after Celestina started to become more public in her relationship with Sirius Black. This may come to as a shock for many but as always, I was on the case to search for more clues. It seems that this sordid love triangle is playing a large part in the reasoning behind The Marauder's break up. It's unknown how long exactly Celestina was playing Sirius for a fool but I have been able to work out that she had been making her interest towards Peter known during the tour with Frankie Long. In order to shift notice away from his budding relationship with Celestina, Peter started a row between Sirius and James towards the end of the tour._

_Now that the secret is out though, there is no hiding. Sirius is heartbroken and refuses to leave his flat and I feel that is entirely understandable. His heart has broken by what he thought was his true love and best friend so he's entitled to stay home for a bit with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. If you want my opinion, I think he should write about it all in a solo album._

"Fuck." Was James' initial reaction. First she writes the band is breaking up, and then she goes on about Sirius dating Celestina (which admittedly was funny until he found out it had upset Peter) and now she was out to ruin Peter _and_ Sirius' love lives. Though with all the shit she posted on her website, James was a little surprised she hadn't decided to combine all the stories into one huge article until now. At least she was being efficient at lying. Still, why there hadn't been an official statement dispelling any of these rumours? That simply was not acceptable.

Before Lily could comment, James stood up and called Kingsley on his mobile for a good rant. The rant must have lasted at least five minutes and within the first two Lily realised she should at least get comfy in the sheets as she watched James pace. There wasn't time in between any of his statements for Kingsley to defend himself. It was a good thing Kingsley was such a good chap underneath it all or else he'd have probably punched James by now.

"What happened to all that bullocks about protecting us all? How are you protecting us from this harpy? Here she is, spouting lies about Sirius and Peter. She's basically calling Peter a rat and his girlfriend a slag! Is that protection? And what's all this about people still assuming we've broken up? Shouldn't a rep be making statements against all this? What sort of manager are you?" James flamed, before promptly commanding Kingsley to sort it all out and hanging up. It took a few heavy breaths but James was able to cool down a smidgen before he noticed Lily giggling on the bed.

"What's so funny?"

"You are. You're sort of cute when you get all angry."

"I am?" James smiled, forgetting his verbal assault of Kingsley as his anger soon morphed into tenderness and warmth. No time was wasted and he hopped onto the bed to tickle Lily. For a minute, he seemed to be winning until he found himself rather painfully pinned back down on the bed. And not in a good way.

"So your manager listens to you and doesn't make a fuss when you yell?" She asked curiously.

"Well I don't know about the not making a fuss part but he's promised to protect us blokes at the best of his abilities. It's supposed to include publicity as well but I suppose sometimes he gets sloppy on that. Ow, shift over a bit will you? Thanks- we have a PR agent but a lot of the main stories or statements have to be approved by Kingsley. He's a good bloke though."

"Huh."

"Huh?" Lily moved and freed James who sat up.

"Just huh. I mean, he sounds pretty nice compared to Dung."

"Dung is a rat."

"Yeah, but at least he was willing to work with us. Not many reliable managers want to work with a punk band with a reputation for illegal activities."

"Manager search not going well?" Asked James, twirling a strand of Lily's hair around his finger. She started to pick at the sheets dejectedly.

""No."

"Well I could ask Kingsley if he'd know anyone. I mean, after he fixes this mess I suppose. Don't want to make too many demands after an outburst."

"Maybe...thanks. So do you really think he'll fix the issue?"

"Best of his abilities in this case. I mean, who can really fix a problem like Skeeter?"

"I'd offer to punch her again but you know, probation."

"You're on probation? For what?"

"Well I was already on thin ice when I punched her." Lily said with a devious smile. "It was kept quiet and the only person who knew about it that would actually say something was Skeeter. I think I scared her enough to have her stop writing anything about me at all. If you didn't know, she doesn't mention me at all on her site anymore."

"How'd you get out of the country for the tour?"

"Written permission. Dung might be a rat but he knows people."

"I'll remember to add that to the list of qualifications when I talk to Kingsley. Must haves: abilities to curb jail time." Joked James, earning a shove from Lily as well as a kiss.

* * *

"She's got one thing right. You don't really leave the flat that often but you're not nursing a broken heart." Remus smirked, thinking back on the article that had resulted in Sirius now having to go to a photo-shoot and interview, which he was probably going to be late for because he was currently bent over the kitchen table. What was supposed to be a rather quick breakfast turned into a shag. Actually, that bit was normal but the fact still remained that there was supposed to be a car waiting for him downstairs. Oh, and James, Peter and Kingsley were likely to be in said car so if one of them got impatient they might find a way upstairs and-

"Fuck." Sirius moaned, arching up and pushing back into Remus' thrust.

"Though," continued Remus, thrusting in and out of Sirius at a leisurely pace. "I think she may be on to something with the ice cream. What do you think? I drizzle some melting ice cream on my chest and you work your way down."

"Why are we talking about Skeeter right now?" Sirius managed to ask. Thinking about Skeeter during sex was sort of turning him off. Even if the ice cream suggestion was an attractive proposition.

"Thought it might help timing. You know, thinking about the queen to last longer and all that."

"I need to leave soon." Insisted Sirius, moaning again when Remus quickened his pace.

"I know." Remus growled into Sirius' ear. Soon, Remus pulled out of Sirius, earning a whimper of disappointment. When Sirius started to command the punk to at least finish what he started, he was spun around and found Remus on his knees. Before Sirius could fully comprehend it, he was swallowed by Remus and within a few uncontrollable shallow thrusts came. Stars were swimming in front of his eyes and he tried desperately to even out his breathing and keep his legs from failing. Remus found his way back up and nuzzled Sirius' neck.

Giving into waves of adoration, Sirius melted as he gripped Remus' face tenderly and almost shivered when he felt arms winding tightly around his waist. The two men indulgently searched each other's mouths as if there was something new to be found- tongues twisting and teeth nipping. Car long forgotten, Remus started to moan into their languid kisses as Sirius ran a slow hand up and down his cock.

"Oh god! I'm gonna- I don't wanna make a mess on you when you have to go." Admitted Remus, trying to push away but Sirius was persistent and wouldn't stop moving his hand until Remus came with a grunt. In satisfaction, Remus lightly nibbled Sirius' bottom lip.

"It's worth all the cleaning up afterwards." Assured Sirius, wraping his arms tightly around Remus once again and kissing the star tattoos.

"I'll help you clean up." Offered Remus but Sirius declined.

"If you help I'll never leave. But I'll be back tonight after dinner yeah?" Within six minutes, Sirius was wiped off any reminders of their morning routine and quickly threw on some clothes before kissing Remus goodbye. In the car, Peter blushed, James gave him a knowing look and Kingsley rolled his eyes as they drove off but Sirius was too content to even care about what they thought.

* * *

[excerpt from _LA Times_, Entertainment section]

Popular band, The Marauders, have been plagued by rumours of band break ups and love triangles for most of this year. Recently, the band did an interview with Rolling Stone to dispel these vicious rumours. In an exclusive interview and photo shoot, the boys assured Rolling Stone that they are still planning to write and perform together as a band, even with several side projects in line.

The article has gotten quite a few people talking, though not about the rumours that the band sought to dispel. One of the most noticeable changes was front man Sirius Black contributing a relatively large number of anecdotes and explanations. In the past, Sirius was known to be short in interviews, even brusque. Often times, he'd not say more than a few words. Ironically, theories to his change have been arising even though the article's purpose was to set the record straight.

So far, the most popular theory has been tied to a picture from the spread. In a candid shot of the boys roughhousing, Sirius' shirt is lifted up to reveal a tattoo. It appears to be initials though the actual letters have been disputed as no one has gotten a full view. No one has really been able to place a reasonable identity but of course, speculation generally points towards a love interest. Discussion over Black's mysterious relationship status is a rather popular past time of numerous tabloids and gossip writers but what some claim to be 'concrete evidence' only serves to further fuel gossip.

* * *

[excerpt from _TMZ_]

It seems popular gossip columnist Rita Skeeter was wrong about Sirius Black dating Celestina Warbeck. Though it's not the first time the boastful writer got her facts skewed. Public statements were released from both stars claiming that they never dated and that Celestina is 'happy and content' in her budding relationship with Marauders drummer Peter Pettigrew.

Now that's cleared up, it seems everyone is once again taking blind guesses at who Sirius Black's beau is. Pictures from Rolling Stone show that Black has initials tattooed on his stomach but no one has been able to figure out what letters they actually are or _who_ they belong to. Many believe the possibilities have been narrowed down to either BIL or RIL. Unfortunately, Black and his people have refused to comment on the matter. Feel free to take a stab. Your blind guess is as good as our blind guess.


	14. Chapter 14

Warning: This chapter contains m/m adult content.  
A/N: Another chapter. Been a while. Blame working late hours and increased alcohol consumption. But I doubt you want the sordid details of my life. Now here's a lovely long chapter for you readers :D P.S. much love to commentors even if I don't get around to answering all of them.

* * *

Sitting on the floor of Dorcas' flat, Alice waited until it was time to wash the bleach from her roots, all the while complaining about a certain contemporary blues-folk singer.

"He's like a persistent fly that I want to swat. No! Worse. He's a roach. I've already swatted him and he keeps coming back."

"Perhaps you're sending mixed signals." Suggested Dorcas, absently wondering to herself whether she was the sanest of the group or not. Frankie Long had been the conversation topic for almost fifteen minutes now.

"Absolutely not. I've made it quite clear that I'd rather shag a dead rat. I bet a dead rat could make a better pseudonym than Frankie Long."

"Well not clear enough obviously. You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you like all the attention Frankie gives you and even though you tell him off he's reading the signals that respond well to his advances."

"_What_? Are you saying I _like_ that idiot?"

"Just a possibility."

"I can't believe you're even suggesting that! Do you know what he's like? I googled him you know. He's a womanizer and chauvinist pig. You of all people should be insulted on my behalf."

"Chauvinist pig he may be but I'm not the one who just spend the past fifteen minutes talking about him." Dorcas observed with a slight smirk, causing Alice's cheeks to turn a light shade of pink and her lip to jut out in a sulky pout. "Either punch him or shag him and he'll go away."

For a moment, Dorcas thought Alice's only response would be a death glare but after collecting her rage, Alice continued the conversation.

"So hear anything from Lily and Remus lately?" Alice said in a horribly veiled attempt to change the subject. Although she looked at her toenails in interest, it did nothing in making her question sound nonchalant.

"Nice topic change. And no I haven't but not without trying. Lily's gone underground after that Dung business and Remus…well I assume he's still seeing that boyfriend of his. Just hoping they were free soon. Neither have been answering their mobile."

"Lily's pride is probably too hurt and Remus is getting screwed into a mattress. Doubt he can hear the phone what with his head in a pillow most of the time."

"Either way," Dorcas rolled her eyes at Alice. It was obvious she was jealous of Remus' situation whether it was of the guy shagging Remus or the fact Remus had a boyfriend. In Dorcas' opinion, maybe Alice should go ahead and give Frank a chance. Or a night. From what she heard, Frankie was a womanizing jerk but Alice had a sexual appetite to rival his rumoured one. Also, Alice was outspoken and often times just plain bitchy so even if they didn't balance each other, _someone_ was bound to come out a slightly better person. But Dorcas wasn't going to start a fight over that.

"I think I found a decent woman that can manage us. Already's been talking about being able to book us for a few shows in a few weeks if we were up to it. One opening for Anti-Flag. You know how Lily drools over Justin and how upset she was when they weren't able to meet us to record a few things."

"So band meeting and more rehearsals? Good, I need something to do. Been bored out of my mind lately." Alice said, interested in meeting this prospect manager.

"Yeah, now I just need to find Lily and Remus so we can start practicing."

"Don't worry about that. I'll track them down." Alice assured, already taking out her mobile and dialing Remus' number. She rolled her eyes when it went to voicemail.

"Hey Remus. Just wondering if you could stop sucking cock long enough to stop by for a band meeting. We may have a concert coming up and a new manager so yeah, important shit okay? Call Dorcas or else."

After hanging up, Alice started to dial Lily's mobile and didn't even notice the eye roll Dorcas was giving her. For a moment, Alice thought she was also going to go to Lily's voicemail but at the last moment, Lily answered.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"Where have you been? Dorcas has been trying to get into contact with you."

"Oh. Sorry. I misplaced my mobile. Was only able to find it now because it was ringing." Lily half lied. Over the past few days, she had been getting calls from Dorcas and at first she ignored them before and just sort of hid her phone somewhere at James'. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her; she just didn't want to be reminded of the band for a bit. The lack of management and her failure to press charges had started to depress her. Eventually, she had decided it would be better to start acting like an adult again and talk to one of the girls. Also, James wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck was making her feel better about life in general.

"Excuses, excuses. Well you missed Dorcas' potentially good news."

"Good news? About what?"

"She may have found a new manager. And he sounds like an all right girl. Already has a few concerts lined up for us if we agree. Also thought it may be of interest to you that one of the concerts in opening for Anti-Flag. We all know how Justin Sane's political views get you all hot and bothered."

"Oh…that's great." Lily said, rather unenthusiastically. She was excited at getting an improved manager but she was guilty at being reminded of her past infatuation while cuddling with James. Perhaps she was also guilty that no one else knew they were together. It wasn't like she was ashamed of him…was she? No, absolutely not.

"You okay? You don't sound too happy."

"No! No I am. I'm just, a little distracted." Lily nudged James when he tried to kiss her lips in the middle of her sentence. "Listen. Can I call you back later? We can figure out a time for us all to meet. Have you called Remus?"

"Yeah but voice mail. Hopefully he calls back before the end of the year. If not I say we ask someone to fill in. See you later Red." Alice chirped before hanging up, leaving Lily to think for a moment.

"Hey James, get dressed. Let's go for a walk." She suggested, untangling herself from James.

"Where?"

"Outside."

"You mean…" James said, starting to understand Lily was saying they should go outside and be seen by other people. Potentially gossiping and photo taking people. For a moment, he was ecstatic until an idea popped into his head. Raising an eyebrow at Lily, he asked her an important question.

"Wait, you're not going to punch anyone who tries to take a photo are you?"

"No. Now put some trousers on and take me out on a proper date." Lily insisted, hitting James in the chest lightly with the back of her hand. Slipping out of bed, she went on a search to find either her clothes or some of James' that looked particularly good on her. James watched with affection and slight daze in his eyes before following.

* * *

Looking like a wolf staring down his prey, Remus crawled onto the bed towards Sirius. Both men were down to just their trousers though nowadays, clothes just seemed like a formality. A pair of jeans did keep Sirius from feeling too grubby and Sirius had to admit he did love the way Remus' arse looked in those tight trousers he was so found of wearing.

Suddenly, Remus tugged Sirius' trousers down so his tattoo was showing. Keeping his eyes on the 'RJL' tattooed near Sirius' hip, the lusting punk quickly took off his studded belt and threw it behind him before giving the initials a thorough suck. When Sirius was still tense after a minute of heavy licking, Remus looked up.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Thinking back to the article, Sirius wondered if the tattoo was even worth getting considering all the trouble it was causing him now. Maybe he should have gotten it removed after he had sobered up from the tour.

"Nothing." Sirius stubbornly insisted, causing Remus to raise an eyebrow. The other man shifted upwards and gave Sirius a soft kiss. Instantly, Sirius melted and drew him closer until they were intertwined tightly. After a few slow kisses, Remus kissed a trail towards Sirius' ear before trying his question again in a whisper.

"Really, what's wrong?"

"Stupid magazine cover. Picked the photo with my tattoo showing. Tabloids are all talking about it." Mumbled Sirius, shifting slightly so Remus could place more kisses and licks on his neck. It also gave Remus the opportunity to move between Sirius' legs, which curled around him like a reflex. Leisurely, Remus placed an arm by Sirius' head to get more leverage before latching on to the other man's mouth. Tongues become reacquainted with one another and soft moans were swallowed. Sirius grasped Remus' lower back tightly as he felt the punk grab onto one of his thighs and start to slowly rub their clothed cocks together. Neither man wanted to break the thick honey atmosphere that had settled down around them by trying to remove their trousers completely so they settled for unzipping and rolling them down just enough to let their cocks rub freely against the other.

Their kiss concluded naturally and Sirius nipped the bottom of Remus' smiling lip but the slow movement of their hips didn't falter. Placing his forehead on Sirius and looking straight into his eyes, Remus picked up the conversation once more.

"Does it matter what tabloids say?" He whispered. It took a moment for Sirius to focus on what had been asked but he was able to push back the delicious feel of clenching back muscles under his hands to remember why he had been upset in the first place.

"Just..._mmmm_. Just annoying, is all." Their pace was starting to feel torturously slow and Sirius tried to speed Remus' moving hips by clawing as his waist. In response, Remus pushed their cocks together harder but not faster. Added pressure made Sirius' eyes flutter and arch his back.

The dilated amber eyes staring down on him softened at the reaction.

"It doesn't matter what they say- think." The reassuring, breathy voice pushed Sirius closer towards the edge.

"No."

"Only matters what you want."

"I want _you_." Groaned Sirius and at those words Remus' irises became tiny rings around his pupils. A stuttering cry escaped Remus' lips as he came hard. After a few more quivering pushes, Remus collapsed, burying his nose in Sirius' neck. At first, Sirius didn't mind the other man taking deep, almost sob-like inhalations against his throat but the pounding in his erection was getting to be too much. Gently, he pushed Remus' lax body over and moved his legs so he was now rubbing against the punk's thigh. Sucking hard on the stars tattooed on Remus' neck, Sirius quickened his pace. Finally catching some of his breath, Remus placed a hand on the back of Sirius' head pulled him down for a firm kiss. Something finally snapped inside Sirius as he felt Remus move to caress the initials with a gentle thumb and Sirius came with a whine.

They stayed like that for a while, with Sirius splayed comfortably on top of Remus. Eventually, they moved apart to clean up slightly and remove their trousers completely but they curled back to a similar position. When they had settled in the covers, Sirius felt Remus peck his forehead.

"I want you too." Remus mumbled quietly, tightening his grip on Sirius. As their heartbeats evened out and they melted into each other's bodies, a certain feeling of calm settled around them. Smiling like an idiot, Remus started to place light kisses on Sirius' lips while running fingers through his hair. Knowing that this was the best mood Remus would ever really be in, Sirius decided to take a chance.

"Since we're on the topic of wanting..." Sirius started, letting a finger dance ever so lightly on Remus' chest, tracing the edges of his tattoos in exactly the way he liked.

"Mmhmm?" The kisses Remus placed on Sirius' lips only grew deeper and Sirius had to fight the urge to just forget what he wanted to say.

"Have you ever," he started, in between kisses, "considered letting me top?"

Remus' reaction was instantaneous. His whole body was rigid for a second before he consciously tried to relax but Sirius could tell he wasn't calm anymore.

"Wha- why? I mean, we have a good thing going on yeah?" stammered Remus, trying to dance around the subject.

"Yeah, but I'd like to top once in a while. You wouldn't want me to have all the fun right?"

"I have fun."

"I know but…why are you so opposed to the idea? What happened to what I want?"

"I, well. To be honest, I never had good…experiences as a bottom." Explained Remus and Sirius could tell that he was uncomfortable with the conversation. It struck Sirius as a little odd given how open Remus was about sex in general. Whatever had made him dislike being a bottom must have been more than a 'bad experience'.

"What do you mean?"

"Can we not talk about it? I was probably on crack at the time. Subject closed okay?"

"Well if you were coked up no wonder you didn't like it." Sirius pressed, moving so he was on his elbow looking down at Remus trying to hide in a pillow.

"I said subject closed."

"Don't be stubborn. Just let me have a try. It'll be good for you. I'll make it good for you. Don't you trust me?"

Looking up at Sirius with a skeptical glare, Remus crossed his arms. He knew the guilt tactic that Sirius was trying to pull.

"Why do you want to top so much?"

"Because it's only fair I have a go. I know how good it can be. And again, don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. I trust you more any anyone else so yeah, the guilt trick is working. I'll think about it, is that what you want to hear?" Remus started to rave and then mumble as he tried to separate himself from Sirius with sheets and pillows. "You're the first person I've loved in a long time if I'm going to do it one last time might as well be with you."

"What did you say?" Sirius asked, undoing the soft barrier.

"Said I'd think about it."

"No, the other thing."

"What other thing?" Lying on his back, Remus stilled once he remembered what he had said under his breath. He was too embarrassed to move and look back and Sirius.

"_The_ thing. The thing about eventually letting me top because you love me."

"I never said it was topping was a sure thi-"

"You didn't have to." Smirked Sirius smugly as he settled down and lay next to Remus. The only part of their bodies that touched now was their interlacing fingers.

"I love you too." Sirius said as sincerely as he could. A squeeze from Remus' hand was the only acknowledgement that Sirius needed at the moment as his tired body relaxed completely and let sleep overtake him.

* * *

"Hey Sirius, how's everything?" The warm voice of Celestina Warbeck queried. She had called him with a very special request in mind.

"I'm all right." Sirius answered nonchalantly. In reality, he was looking through his fridge and making a list of foods he wanted to buy. All of which were going to be used on himself and Remus that night as a surprise. Although Sirius would vehemently claim that nothing related to Rita Skeeter was of any good to mankind, he did like that food idea Remus had thought up during their short talk about her. Also, it was a nice way to butter Remus up to the idea of bottoming again, pun intended. Mentioning the switch of positions out loud just made Sirius want it all the more. Given that Remus was so forward about everything, perhaps he'd like it deep down if Sirius were the same about this as well. He just had to make sure Remus understood that he would do all in his power to make sure Remus enjoyed it.

"Not too busy are you?"

"Uh, not really." Remembering Remus had a fondness for clotted cream, Sirius decided to put it on the list.

"Good, because I wanted to set a date with you. And before you start that lovely speech about you not being the right man for me, it's a recording session date."

"Oh sounds good. You have a time in mind?"

"Well I was actually going to just pop in today but Peter said it would be better if I gave you a warning so you can get your private matters in order, whatever that means."

"Ah, well I'm glad you did," Sirius straightened up and paid more attention to the conversation. "Because you know…I'm busy." The last thing Sirius needed was to have Remus angry for being pushed half naked into a closet because Celestina decided to pop in for an undisclosed amount of time. He also didn't want to think of any pun or euphemism or whatever correlated with that thought.

"Well, I'm brimming with ideas. I want to get some down before the inspiration goes away. How about tomorrow? We can use that studio of yours. You say you don't use it that often so let's break it in? Peter and I will be there by 11 okay?"

"Oh- um-"

"Great! Can't wait!"

Before Sirius could ask if she could come by at a later date, she hung up, leaving him stuttering into his mobile. It seemed an ulterior motive was just added to reasons why he wanted to experiment with food. What Remus' reaction to being told to leave was unknown but Sirius didn't have a good feeling about it. Everything seemed to scream a reminder of their relationship being founded on Remus being a sort of secret live in call boy. If anything, the question made Sirius guilty and so he only assumed that Remus would react badly to it. Also, Sirius did _really_ want to top and this seemed like something that might sway Remus otherwise.

He'd have to get a lot more clotted cream.

* * *

Content, sated and delightedly exhausted, Remus laid back in the bathtub as Sirius straddled him and kissed his neck. It had been a rather eventful night, just as Sirius decided earlier that day, Remus came back to find a plethora of food options to explore during sex. The chocolate, ice cream and clotted cream, which were Remus' favourites, had left the both of them rather sticky (that wasn't even including their come) and so they decided to move things towards the bathroom, cleaning up and making a few new messes. Remus was ready to go to bed and not wake up for a long while but Sirius seemed unable to get enough. Rubbing tired hands up and down Siruis' back, Remus took the other man's lips into a slow kiss.

"Clotted cream was a nice touch." Remus stated, enjoying Sirius humming contently against his throat.

"You know, if bottoming keeps you so energetic, I may just let you top." Joked Remus. Sirius softly chuckled and went back to kissing the tattooed shoulders and neck, thinking about his next moves. Licking a path up Remus' neck, Sirius decided on a plan of action.

"I'd make it feel good for you. You know? I love you." Assured Sirius, looking directing into Remus' eyes then gave him a confident kiss without breaking eye contact. Something in Remus faltered and Sirius knew that Remus was considering switching positions. Whatever bad experience the punk had to have made him so skittish to even consider bottoming would be forgotten once Sirius was allowed to have a go. Sirius was sure of that. The prospect was exciting but it was a topic he'd have to come back to.

"I love you too," Remus admitted softly. "I'd do as much as humanly possible for you."

"Same." Sirius smiled, happy when Remus smiled back.

"Lets dry off and go to bed. And this time I mean sleep." Remus started to move but Sirius pushed him back against the tub. Guilt started to seep through Sirius muscles for he knew their romantic night together was about to become significantly less so.

"Before that…uh Remus? I sort of need you out of the flat for a few days."

"Why? Fixing another surprise for me? If you keep up at this rate, I'll be too exhausted to even get out of bed. Is that your plan?"

"No, well- it's sort of a surprise. Um, you see, Celestina invited herself and Pete over tomorrow to record some demos and she seemed intent on staying here until the work was done."

"Invited herself? Yeah, women tend to do that don't they?" Remus mused, rubbing his chin and thinking back on all the times the girls in the band had popped up where he hadn't wanted them and then acted like it was their god-given right to be there.

"You're not upset are you?"

"No, well a little because you thought you had to do all this to ask me. What was that this whole thing was about?"

"No! I mean, a little yes but I was planning on doing it long before she had called."

"It's fine. The girls wanted a band meeting ASAP anyway and I haven't been to my flat in ages. My flat? Remember? The place I'm supposed to be living in."

"Mine has such a better view though…at least I think it does. I've never been to your flat."

"You're not missing much. Just a little place I share with Lily. 54 Nolen street. Though I think she has full range of it now. Wouldn't be surprised if she just rented my room out."

"I feel bad now. Keeping you cooped up here."

"You have your reasons. I understand. Though it'll be nice to go back to my place. I'll admit not as luxurious as yours but it's mine and I'm comfy there. Uh- _was_ at least."

"Comfy? Do you feel safer there? Does that mean you'd rather bottom there than here?"

"So demanding you are tonight." Remus said, raising his eyebrow with a smirk and causing a blush to rise in Sirius' cheeks. Instead of replying, Sirius stood up and stepped out of the tub. He quickly toweled off and threw Remus a towel of his own. Trying to stunt any conversation that would either make him feel embarrassed about his persisting, Sirius took his toothbrush and finished up his normal before bed routine. If the mirror hadn't been so fogged, he would have seen Remus drying off behind him, giving Sirius an amused expression. As Remus picked up his own toothbrush, Sirius started to make his way towards the bedroom. A tattooed arm grabbed Sirius' waist and dragged him back so he was flesh up against Remus. Even though he tried not to show it, it was obvious in the way Sirius leaned back into the embrace that he enjoyed it.

"I love you." Whispered Remus, tickling Sirius' ear. Sirius turned around so he faced Remus and kissed the punk gently on the nose.

"I'll go change the sheets." He said before walking out of the bathroom, Remus' gaze on his back was a comforting feeling.

"Oi, when do you need me to leave tomorrow?" Remus called out, words muffled slightly by his toothbrush. Pausing on his way to the closet, Sirius answered back.

"She said she's getting here by 11."

"AM? I don't even get to sleep in?"

"Just gives you more time at your comfy place, doesn't it?"

* * *

Watching Peter and Celestina gave Sirius a mix of happiness and nausea. He was happy that Peter had finally found a bird that genuinely liked him above others and yet...their cutesy behavior was not productive towards producing a demo. It was the second day of recording Celestina's demos and Sirius didn't feel as if they were moving at normal pace. The idea of sending Peter off for some take out crossed Sirius' mind at one point so he'd maybe get a few things recorded with Celestina. Luckily, Peter seemed to have gained telepathic abilities because he decided to go shopping in order to impress Celestina with his cooking prowess. When he returned, they had been able to record a number of promising starts and were so focused that Peter went along and just added a few beats of his own.

The day was looking to be quite promising, even if Sirius all ready missed having Remus around. Perhaps the hours they tended to spend together weren't healthy for a relationship in the long run. Then again it seemed their relationship revolved around sex so maybe it wasn't the healthiest of relationships to begin with. But Remus was the only person that could make Sirius feel giddy at times, like Peter and Celestina. Sirius decided that dwelling on it was unhealthier than just enjoying what they had.

Bringing his focus back to the current matter at hand, Sirius continued to rub spices into a piece of raw chicken. Peter's parents happened to have had a Spanish chef when Pete was young and sometimes he watched the man cook. As such, Peter was actually really good at cooking Spanish dishes and had agreed to show Sirius how to cook paella. Sirius really only took interest because he knew how much Remus liked spicier dishes.

Enjoying watching the men cook, Celestina had decided to sit at the counter and listen to some of Sirius' guitar and piano bits he had recorded every now and then in hopes of snagging one she particularly liked.

"You've recorded quite a bit Sirius, have you started demos for the band at all?" She asked offhandedly.

"Not really. I mean, I've recorded some stuff I thought might suit us. What about you Pete?"

"Not too much. I sorta just wait for you and James and add to whatever the two of you come up with." Shrugged Peter.

"If James isn't doing anything you should bring him over. I've been telling Peter I'd love to watch the three of you work."

"She just wants James to do some bass work for her demos." Peter explained, earning an exaggerated gasp from Celestina.

"Might as well, I think we're cooking enough for 10 people." Said Sirius, laughing until he heard something that made him clench up.

"Oh this is interesting. I think I found your next single. Wait, but you're not singing this first bit are you?" Observed Celestina, listening to the song that Sirius and Remus had recorded. Sirius didn't want to think about what his guests would say when they heard the _other_ part of the recording.

"Eh, no, that's just a mate of mine. Came over and we played around a bit." Sirius said hastily while closing the laptop before anything else could be heard. Thinking Sirius embarrassed about the recording just because Remus was singing on it, Peter chuckled to himself.

"I think I am going to call James. It's a good beginning. It'll get Kingsley off our backs anyway to hear we recorded _something_. Besides James can't resist my paella."

Cursing his own idiocy in letting someone surf through his audio files that had pornographic evidence, Sirius washed his hands and started to put the chicken in the fridge to marinate when his mobile buzzed.

_'Done? Lily's left for the weekend. I'm alone and horny. Take pity- miss you :('_

The clipped and borderline childish entitlement in Remus text might have annoyed others but it just made Sirius feel a little smug that the big bad punk was somewhat clingy. He responded quickly.

_'No, but I think you're sexually spoilt…still, I miss you too.'_

"Odd, James has other dinner plans he won't break but says we should meet up for drinks later. He's got a few demo ideas of his own." Peter mentioned after the conversation he had just had. Sirius had been so concentrated on his thoughts of Remus, he didn't even notice Peter had been talking to anyone on his mobile. The clear importance of his relationship with Remus tugged at Sirius' mind but he ignored the mixed feelings of guilt and longing. Would it really be that bad that he came out? What was he hiding from, really?

"Leave him to his boring dinner plans. We can have our own little party here. Maybe I'll invite some of my friends and they can sing back up. What do you say Sirius? Do you like Caribbean girls?

"Uhh…"

"It takes a certain, let's say distinct individual to catch Sirius' eye." Peter told Celestina with amusement in his eyes.

"Oh I know just the girl then. Don't look at me like that. I've seen how Sirius had been looking at us. Don't worry, I'll find just the right girl so you can make eyes at each other all you want. Hey, I'm good at this sort of thing."

Yes, Celestina was trying to be nice but just for a moment, Sirius thought about how no one would try to set him up with women again if they knew he was gay. Though, as she rambled on about this wonderful girl visiting from Prague, Sirius thought that maybe it would be better to keep people guessing. At least they wouldn't have real fodder about his real life. If others got wind of him and Remus, they'd probably ruin their relationship with tabloid story lies. What they had was too important to invite others to fuck it up.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** I should be working on an essay. But here I am, posting man on man action. See how much I love you guys?

* * *

Much to Sirius' displeasure, Celestina decided that she did indeed need to turn Sirius' private studio into a harem. To be honest, four women (one already spoken for) do not make a brothel but there were still too many women for Sirius' liking. Also, the fact that two of them seemed intent on having a threesome with Sirius once everyone else left was very disconcerting. The best way to keep them out of his lap was to make them record a few backing vocals. Only when soundproof wall and glass separated them did Sirius feel safe.

By 1 AM, Sirius was able to usher Peter, Celestina and the Concubines out of his flat and into cabs. It seemed very likely that James was going to spend the night on Sirius' sofa but when Sirius returned from saying his goodbyes (and good riddances but those were mostly in his head), James was sitting on the sofa, pale faced.

"I don't know how you can stand women. If I weren't into blokes before I would be now after a few hours with those harpies. Lovely voices I have to admit but I thought I would need pepper spray to keep their hands off my thighs. James, you all right?"

"Uh, um yeah." James said, rather distracted. It was then that Sirius noticed James had a familiar laptop sitting shut next to him.

"James, what did you hear?" Sirius asked, a little afraid of the answer. Why hadn't he deleted that end bit of the song when he had the chance?

"Just…just a song that Celestina thought would be good on our next album. Wasn't found of the ending myself. Though if she thinks that audio of you going at it with your boyfriend would make a good single then I think I have to question her judgment!"

"She didn't hear that bit actually." Sirius grimaced, noticing that James was starting to get hysterical, though he seemed to be more upset at the fact he heard his best mate star in porn, which was better than him being upset Sirius was having monogamist sex with Remus.

"I'm glad. No one should have to hear that. Unless it's what gets you and Sid Vicious off."

"Are you still upset about us…seeing each other?" Sirius asked, recognizing the nickname James bestowed Remus when he was particularly agitated.

"What? No. Well I am if it means I have to constantly see or hear evidence of your active sex life. Look, I know you're into shagging blokes but does that mean I have to be inadvertently apart of it? I don't invite you over to see me shag Lily!"

"Sorry- wait what?"

"Oh…oops." James realised his slip and both men ended up looking similar to confused deer in the headlights. James more so than Sirius.

"Lily? Who's Lily?"

"I suppose you were going to read about it in the tabloids anyway." James started to admit, a pink tinge adorning his cheeks but there was still a bit of pride in his voice. "You know Lily Evans? The one I'm always talking about. From Remus' band. Well we're together now. And it's official. We went out and paparazzi took photos and all and we don't care."

"I thought she hated you." Sirius mentioned, little confused at this new tidbit of information.

"She didn't _hate_ me. Just didn't remember me."

"Remember?"

James patted the cushion next to him, inviting Sirius to sit down for what appeared to be a rather long explanation. Once Sirius was settled, James continued.

"I never explained why I was so smitten with Lily from the start, did I?"

"No, just assumed it was one of your little quirky obsessions and didn't question it. You know, like how you didn't question me liking blokes."

"Well," James started, cheeks reddening a shade deeper. "When I was a kid, about I don't know, maybe seven, my parents enrolled me in singing and piano lessons and the like at this school, There was a ginger girl about a year younger who wore these adorable wellies that were shaped a bit to look like lady birds. And, even though I was seven, I _knew_ that she was just, perfect. I couldn't articulate it then but I knew she was the one. It was Lily. Then she was taken out of lessons rather quickly afterwards and recently I found out it was because her dad lost his job and couldn't afford the lessons. But back then I didn't know what was happening and I was depressed for weeks afterwards. I stopped thinking about it so much when I got older but when I saw her on a magazine cover a couple years back, I knew it was a sign."

"Really?" Sirius asked, trying to process what James had told him. Nodding eagerly, James continued.

"Yes. Then in Paris when I stormed out on you, I saw her at a guitar store and, long story short; I sent over one of my basses when she couldn't afford a new one. I suppose the card helped her remember and we started spending more time together. And well…that's the only major secret I think I've kept from you. Now you know."

The two men sat in silence- James waiting for Sirius' reaction and Sirius still working through what James had told him. In truth, James had always been a bit of a romantic fool so it seemed fitting to his character to decide who his soul mate was at seven. What surprised him more though was the confession that it had been the one major secret James had kept from him. It made him feel guilty once more about his secret relationship with Remus. Thinking back to what James mentioned about him and Lily not caring about who knew about their relationship sent a jolt of jealousy through Sirius.

"Remus told me he loved me yesterday." Sirius finally said.

"Do you…"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm glad for you two. Though if you don't mind, I'd rather not hear the dirty details." James pointed his thumb at the laptop, causing Sirius to laugh slightly.

"Don't worry. Though if you want to know my new secret it's that Remus is shy about bottoming."

"Yeah, I said no dirty details thanks. For that, I'm going back to my place."

"Aww, don't be like that."

"No, I decided while you were down stairs saying goodbye to those lovely ladies that I'd go back. Lily said she's waiting for me. You don't mind if I don't come back tomorrow do you? I think Lily and I'll spend the weekend together as we wait for the tabloids to start printing and Kingsley's call complaining about PR protocol. You know, romantic stuff."

"All right. I may call Remus. He doesn't normally fall asleep until 3. He knows better than I how to deal with women."

"Good luck with that. Celestina's friends seemed pretty determined and I'm not sure your boyfriend could take all of them on in a fight." James joked and made his way towards the door. They waved goodbye and after locking the door, Sirius made his way towards the bedroom while dialing Remus on his mobile. After two rings, Remus answered.

"Lupin's Escorts. How may we be of service?"

"So is that how you've been earning that extra cash?" Asked Sirius, flopping backwards onto his bed.

"You should know. My best customer and all."

"You tell all your clients you love them?"

"Only the special ones." Remus' promised, causing elation to swell in Sirius' chest. The voice sounded so close and Sirius felt as if he could just reach a hand out to his side and feel Remus lying there. The reality was depressing. What Sirius could use right now was a familiar warm body. He didn't care if Celestina was arriving the next day for more demo recording. All Sirius wanted was Remus kissing him. All he wanted after having women throw themselves at him was to have the man he loved in his arms. Quickly making up his mind, Sirius stood up and started to pack an overnight bag.

"So you're roomie will be gone this weekend huh?"

"Yeah. Lily wouldn't tell me where she was off though. Said if I didn't tell her who I've been with the past few months that she didn't have to tell me who she's out destroying London with."

"Poor you, all alone in your bed."

"I'd rather be in yours."

"I don't care where we are, I just want to be with you."

"I love you."

"I love you too." Sirius said, and it sounded more like a vow to him. "Look, I've got to go. Early day tomorrow and all."

"All right. Have fun. I'll be here. All alone. By myself."

"Night." Sirius chuckled, hanging up on Remus. Once he called for a cab, he started to send a text to Peter ordering him to not arrive until later in the day. It may appear little unprofessional to Celestina and her flock but Sirius didn't care.

* * *

At around 2:13 AM, Remus was sitting on his sofa and practicing the chorus of one of Bella Donna's songs. The band had their meeting earlier that day and it had been decided that once Remus and Lily officially met this prospective manager, they would have an official decision made. From what he and Lily heard though, the woman was likely to get the job. That led to the reason why Remus was practicing. If they were going to do a couple of shows soon, then he needed to brush up on their songs. He would have been rehearsing with the girls but Dorcas had to do some stuff for Emmaline's shelter, Alice was too annoying what with her constantly talking about Frankie Long and Lily claimed she had places to be and someone to see.

Lily waited until Dorcas and Alice had left though to mention her weekend plans and even then, she wouldn't tell Remus whom she was seeing. Only if Remus said who his boyfriend was would she tell Remus who hers was. And of course Remus wasn't going to fall for that though he was interested in who had been able to pull Lily out of her Justin Sane obsession.

The buzzing of the door broke his concentration and worried him slightly. There wasn't anyone he knew that would be knocking at this hour unless Lily's boyfriend turned out to be an arse or Alice decided to vent about Frank some more. Bringing his guitar as a potential weapon just in case burglars had taken to asking permission before entering nowadays, Remus cracked the door a smidgen when the buzzing became rather insistent but was surprised to find Sirius staring right back at him.

"You mind letting me in soon?"

"What are you doing here?" Asked Remus, opened the door all the way to let Sirius in.

"I missed you. And Celestina ended up inviting three harpies over who tried to have an orgy with me and now I feel the need to assert my sexuality. But mostly I missed you." Sirius said, giving Remus a kiss once the door was closed and locked.

"I missed you too. It's boring here alone."

"Well let's change that." Suggested Sirius, letting Remus guide him to what Sirius assumed was the bedroom. For the first time since Celestina and Peter and arrived that day, Sirius felt at peace.

* * *

Remus woke up with a moan on his lips and a pleasant throb in his groin. He also noticed that his wrists were handcuffed to the bedposts. Looking down, he saw the dark headed man who was the reason for his current predicament.

"I thought I only had one pair of handcuffs." Remus wondered aloud as he tested them.

"I bought another pair." Sirius answered, removing his mouth from Remus' hard cock for a moment.

"I see I'm a bit of a bad influence on you. What will the people of Briton say?" Remus smirked at Sirius but a hard suck wiped the smug look of his face. The groans that left Remus' mouth grew with each lick and Sirius had to hold down Remus' hips in an attempt to slow down the punk's thrusts. After a few more licks and sucks, Sirius removed his lips from Remus' cock, much to the chagrin of Remus.

"If the people of Briton saw how much of a degenerate you've turned me into, they'd say what a lucky man you are." Announced Sirius, but Remus was too focused on the way Sirius was licking his red lips to pay much attention to what they were saying. Once the lips found their way back to his cock, Remus laid his head back with a contented sigh. His eyes drooped shut as he felt a feeling of peace with the world at each delicious sensation.

That is until he felt something cold and wet poking at his arse.

"What the fuck?" Remus shouted, jumping up slightly and looking down to see Sirius with an innocent look on his face and a lubed finger.

"You agreed to consider bottoming. Well sort of."

"My still undecided decision was supposed be accompanied with a long forewarning, lots of planning and the ability to say no!"

"I'd thought you'd might get squeamish, that's why I bought the extra handcuffs."

"I _am_ a bad influence on you."

"Hey, relax. It'll all be fine if you just relax." Assured Sirius, rubbing a comforting hand up and down Remus' thighs.

"I told you, I don't bottom." Remus persisted.

"_I _told you I'd make you feel good."

"And with consent, I'm sure that's important."

"_Relax_," Sirius insisted, crawling up so he was straddling Remus' waist. Carefully placed caresses and a kiss behind the ear loosened the punk up quite rapidly and they started to thrust lazily against one another.

"You'll love it like you love me." Assured Sirius between languid kisses. Moving downwards again, Sirius found the lube and slicked his fingers again. He could tell that Remus had tensed up once more, but it wasn't as violent as before. Knowing he didn't have much choice in the matter and that Sirius wouldn't let him get off if he didn't at least consider the matter carefully, Remus sighed.

"All right, let's get on with it then. But if I start screaming you better pull out."

"Oh you'll be screaming but it won't be in pain." Promised Sirius, pouring a little more lube onto his finger. Slowly, he ran his finger in between Remus' cheeks, stopping to rub gently against the puckered hole. A shiver from Remus made Sirius look up at the punk and notice the fear that still lingering in his features. Knowing that just wouldn't do, Sirius offered a warm smile before taking in Remus' length into his mouth. With pleased groans flowing out of Remus' mouth, Sirius started to work more on the tight hole. The first couple of attempts to get his finger through were unsuccessful but Sirius was persistent.

Moving away from Remus' cock, Sirius sat up and moved the punk's legs so that they were bent and spread for easier access. Looking up into slightly dazed eyes for permission, Sirius tried once more to push his finger through and was successful this time. The ring of muscles was tight around his finger but Sirius took his time to try and loosen them. Suddenly, he pushed down on Remus' prostate and earned a gasp. Looking up, Sirius was pleased to see Remus arched and straining against his handcuffs, eyes closed in pleasure.

"Oh, god. Do that again." Remus urged and Sirius was all too pleased to comply. A string of grunts and moans left Remus' mouth and Sirius was able to push in one, two more fingers and loosen the hole sufficiently. Removing his fingers caused a sound of disappointment to leave Remus' lips until he looked down and saw Sirius preparing him self for entry. When the head of Sirius' cock was rubbing against Remus' hole, he tensed up again.

"Hey, you okay?" Sirius asked, stroking Remus' hip. Letting a bracing breath leave, Remus nodded.

"Yeah, just do it."

Slowly, Sirius pushed through the tight ring, stopping every few moments to let Remus get used to the feeling. Hisses of pain caused Sirius to stall but once it ebbed away from Remus face, Sirius continued. The tight ring around Sirius' length sent amazing pulses of pleasure through his body. At one point, he had to wrap his forefinger and thumb around the base to keep from coming.

It took a bit longer than Sirius would have wanted but he was finally all the way in. He waited for a minute or so, letting any pain Remus was feeling to numb a little. Finally, Remus started to shift and caught Sirius' attention. There was no more fear in his eyes.

"Ah, Sirius, p-please..."

Smiling, Sirius started to move his hips so that he was moving little by little. Realising he was getting no protest, Sirius shifted so he could pull in and out easier, hitting Remus' prostate each time. Little gasps left Remus' mouth, serving as encouragement for Sirius to move faster and harder until the gasps escalated into loud groans.

"Oh-harder! God! Harder!"

"Like, ah, like this?" Gripping the punk's hips hard, Sirius pistoned in and out of Remus' arse, making sure to hit the prostate each time. The bed was starting to shake a little and he could feel from the clenching that Remus was getting close.

"Fuck, _yes_." Hissed Remus but let out a disappointed noise a few moments later when Sirius stopped moving as fast. Opening his eyes, he realised Sirius was taking the cuffs off of Remus' wrist before quickly going back to his previous pace. Arms now free of restraints, Remus started to run his hands down Sirius' chest before starting to jerk himself off.

"Faster, just a little to the..._shit_. _Yes_!" Remus came with a loud shout that resonated in Sirius' ears as he gripped the punk's hips a little harder and thrust a few more times before he also came. Sirius let himself grow limp inside Remus before he had calmed down enough to pull out and start cleaning up with some towels he had found.

A yawn left Remus' lips and the punk started to snuggle back into his sheets, content and spent.

"So have I changed your mind about bottoming?" Sirius asked, as he gave his muscles a stretch. The only answer he got was a happy muffled sigh from Remus.

"Hey, you're not going back to sleep are you?" Sirius demanded, a little disappointed.

"Yes, you should consider joining."

"I'm hungry. As your guest I think you should get up so we can have breakfast. Also I need to get back to my flat soon."

"I'll just nap a bit and then join you. Soft boiled eggs with a few soldiers as usual. Hey, blame yourself; you're the one who tired me out."

"Fine but if you're not up within ten minutes then I'm eating your egg and heading home." Sirius mumbled but it seemed Remus had already fallen asleep. With a final peck to Remus' neck, Sirius made his way towards the kitchen, not bothering to find anything to cover up with. He had spent about five minutes rummaging through the refrigerator when a distinctly female voice spoke up.

"That was a lot of noise."

"Jesus Christ!" Sirius shouted, quickly grabbing the first thing closest to him to try and hide his lower bits. It ended up being a milk carton.

Snickering at the table with a magazine and cup of coffee was Lily Evans. It was obvious that she had been sitting there the entire time Sirius rummaged through the fridge and probably a large portion of Remus' introduction into anal sex.

"So _you're_ the one Remus has been spending all his time with."

"I-er, Remus. I thought you weren't going to be back until later."

"Change of plans." Lily shrugged, taking a sip of coffee. She looked oddly relaxed for a woman who had a naked stranger in her kitchen. "Wait- hold on a second. You're in James' band. It's Sirius right?"

"Uh...yeah." Sirius said, shifting the cold milk carton uncomfortably. His curses to James not being able to keep the woman preoccupied for a whole weekend were forgotten with a blush when Lily took a look towards the milk and smirked.

"Good for Remus." She applauded, and Sirius was sure by the way she was looking at him, she wasn't referring to his status of being in a popular band. As if it wasn't awkward enough, Lily added "Cute tattoo."

"Um, I'm going to-" On the counter, two pieces of toast popped up from the toaster and Sirius' stomach choose that moment to remind him the reason for his trip to the kitchen. With a snort, Lily offered him a piece. Awkwardly, Sirius reached out to grab a slice, took a bite before putting the carton on the counter and scrambling quickly back to Remus' room. He could hear Lily's giggles until the slammed the door shut behind him.

"Remus! Remus, wake up!" Sirius jumped onto the bed and shook Remus' shoulder. The other man tried to crawl deeper into the sheets but gave up at Sirius' insistence.

"What?"

"Lily is in the kitchen. She knows."

"_What_?" Now Remus sat up, hair sticking up at odd angles.

"I guess she decided to come home early but she was in the kitchen and obviously heard everything."

"Everything that just happened?"

"_Yes_" hissed Sirius, watching Remus' eyes grow large. He continued pushing Remus to get up and handle the situation.

"Wait, what do you want me to do?" Asked Remus, barely catching the clothes being thrown at him.

"I don't know, talk to her. You know her better than I do. Make sure she doesn't tell anyone." Noting the panic in Sirius' voice, Remus quickly put on a pair of boxer briefs and headed out his door. There was a frown on Sirius' face as he watched the door shut. Sitting on the bed with a sigh, Sirius took another bite from his toast and then set out trying to find his clothes.

Just as Sirius had said, Remus found Lily sitting in the kitchen. She was flipping through a magazine and taking sips from a mug.

"Oi Red, what are you doing here?" Asked Remus, crossing his arms and trying to fix Lily with a stern gaze.

"I stopped by to grab a few things I forgot but decided to stay for the show." Lily answered, huge grin on her lips. Rolling his eyes, Remus walked up to the table and considered sitting. He opted to lean on the back of a chair instead.

"What? Not up to sitting? Well after what I heard I'm not surprised."

"Listen, you can't tell anyone about us." Remus decided it was best to cut to the point. Lily could go on for ages like this if she wanted to.

"Boyfriend still in the closet is he?"

"Ye- it's none of your business. Just promise me you won't say anything. Lily, I don't want him to get any more upset than he is now." Stated Remus with finality.

"Don't worry, I won't go blabbing about you and your little boyfriend. Oh excuse me, I mean big boyfriend."

"Lily-"

"I told you I promise. My word is good. You know that. Tell him to stop worrying. Anyway, I'm going. Don't want James to be waiting too long."

"James?"

"Oh, yeah that's _my_ boyfriend. Potter. Might know him. He's in The Marauders, like Sirius. I know your boyfriend so you can know mine. Fair is fair." Lily claimed, standing up and putting her mug in the sink. Before she left, she tapped Remus on the arse.

"I hope you're open to a threesome as an incentive. The two of you seem to know what you're doing. James is sweet but he's a bit tame sometimes." Giggling at the stunned look on Remus' face, Lily picked up a small bag, winked and made her way out. Remus waited to hear the front door shut and lock before he walked back to his bedroom. There, he found Sirius fully dressed and packing up his things. He didn't seem to have been able to find his shirt (which was a little understandable at the mess Remus' room was) so had just put on one of Remus' worn The Clash shirts that held together with safety pins. It actually looked rather good on him. If it wasn't obvious Sirius was on his way out, Remus would rip it off.

"Sorry about her. She's a little unpredictable sometimes." Remus apologised.

"Yeah she won't...say anything will she?"

"Her? Nah. I told her not to say a word and she promised. Though she did mention something about a threesome in return but I told her we'd have to talk about it first."

Sirius looked up in shock and Remus laughed.

"_Kidding_. She was joking...I think. Hey, don't worry about it." Assured Remus, giving Sirius a rather thorough kiss.

"All right. I, I know things have been going good for us. I want to come out to everyone but…I think I still need time. You're all right with that?" Sirius had a pleading look in his eyes.

"Yes, it's fine. Take as much time as you need. Long as we're together, I'll wait forever." Promised Remus, earning kiss. As the kiss deepened, Sirius dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around Remus' neck. Remus tried to move then closer to the bed but Sirius broke the kiss with a soft gasp for air.

"I need to go. Peter and Celestina. The cab should be arriving any minute."

"All right, remember what I said last night. Give those birds an inch and they'll have you're pants off before you know it. Then I'll have to step in and that wouldn't be pretty. Probably won't catch a hint but just ignore them. Oh hey, before you go-" Remus started to rummage through the mess on top of his dresser and handed over a pair of aviator sunglasses and a knit cap. At the raised eyebrow, Remus explained.

"Thought you might not want to be recognized. What now that everyone is awake. Though with that shirt they'll probably think it's me."

"Thanks." Sirius said, putting them on as Remus picked up the bag and walked him towards the front door.

* * *

"You're shagging Sirius Black, and you didn't even bother to let us know?" Alice exclaimed. The shout almost made Remus fall off the sofa. It was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she, Dorcas and Lily walked into the living room where Remus was currently watching tele. He frowned at Lily who looked sheepish and shrugged. It had been a few days since she had learned of the relationship between Remus and Sirius.

"I promise I didn't tell anyone else. Did you really expect me to keep something this big from these two?"

"And according to Lily, it's _big_." Alice said before she and the other girls broke out into giggles.

"I was afraid I would have to go in his room and pour cold water on them- the racket them two were making!"

Sighing, Remus watched the three women try and compose themselves.

"Oh and don't think she didn't tell us about that tattoo he has on his stomach. RJL? When are you getting your matching tat?" Alice asked while trying to pinch Remus on the cheek. He swatted her hand away.

"I bet he has but we can't see it." Lily said before she and Alice made an obnoxious and drawn out 'ooh'.

"But really. Sirius ruddy Black? You're being bummed by Black? He's the brother to that little shit in The Death Eaters. _And_ apparently loads of women want to shag him." Added Dorcas.

"Yeah, but I guess he doesn't want to shag _them_." Lily said, before breaking down into more laughs.

"What about Lily? She's dating James Potter. Remember four eyes on the bass?" Remus put in, trying to divert the attention away from him somewhat.

"Yes that's true and we gave her shit as well. Now it's your turn." Admitted Alice before going back to the topic at hand. "Now, where were we? Ah yes, you know even though he's a Black, I wouldn't mind giving him a go. I have to admit he's kind of fit. You really know how to pick 'em don't you Remus?" Alice observed.

"You three need to promise me this isn't going to get out." Cut in Remus, knowing this was a sort of hazing process but didn't want things to get out of control. As much as he wanted to be open with Sirius, he knew he couldn't just shouting out to everyone about their relationship. Sirius needed time and Remus would wait. That was one promise he was intent on keeping. The girls returned his concerned look with their own looks of disbelief that he would even think they'd rat on him.

"Pft, like we'd sell a story. We never told Dung about you vandalizing that Jona whatever sisters tour bus during the Europe tour."

"Yeah, besides I'd hate to see the wrath of an unshagged Remus if we did."

"Which is a surprise in itself because I always thought Remus was a top." Alice put in, smiling mischievously.

"What was that he said before? Something about hating to take it up the arse but don't mind giving it?" Joined Dorcas.

"Believe me, that's not what I heard from these walls. And it takes quite a bit for sounds of 'oh harder Sirius' to echo through."

For the first time in ages, Remus could actually feel himself blush from head to toe as he stormed past the chortling ladies so he could slam his bedroom door closed.

* * *

[Excerpt from Radar Online website]

**James Potter Seen With Lily Evans**

Just a few days ago James Potter, bassist of The Marauders, was seen holing hands and kissing fiery Bella Donna bassist Lily Evans. Lily, who is known for her violent and outspoken ways seems to be a far cry from the mild mannered Potter. It's unknown how the two got together but some sources say they bumped into one another accidently and surprisingly hit it off well.

Pictures below are of the leather clad Lily flipping off paparazzi with James' arm around her shoulder.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**: Been a while. Sorry lovlies but I've been crazy busy. On break now though and am hoping to have this series done soon. There should be only a few chapters left! Also, sorry I haven't been good on replying but again, it's been a crazy couple of months in terms of work load and stress. You guys are awesome though!

* * *

Ten months or so with Sirius and Remus knew he had changed. His previous pessimism and general aversion to most people had become a slight skepticism, which for his outlook on life was quite the improvement. Remus had never thought of himself as a 'relationship' person but being with Sirius had been different. Things felt right, for lack of a more eloquent word. It didn't feel like too much work. For fuck's sake, Remus had even let Sirius take him from behind and Remus actually _enjoyed_ it. But if Remus had learned anything in his life, it was that things were always too good to be true. And while he loved Sirius, Remus did not have enough patience to handle his nagging.

For the past couple of weeks, Sirius had constantly questioned Lily's reliability. It had put Remus on edge and had given him the urge to spend as much time away from Sirius as possible. That resulted in Remus rehearsing more with Bella Donna, eventually writing a few new songs with them. Though there may be a silver lining to most unfortunate occasions, it had halted plans of getting his newest tattoo- the Canis Major constellation on his left wrist. Emphasis on the Sirius star of course. The original plan was to surprise Sirius with it but lately, most of what he was saying irked Remus. So all that was postponed till further notice.

Not wanting to go through the now normal slew of questions for the hundredth time, Remus took his time brushing his teeth as Sirius waited in bed. The next day, Remus was due to leave for a little over a month for some shows scattered around the UK and Europe with Bella Donna. Having a better manager and new concert dates were exciting but he didn't want to leave with this stupid suspicion Sirius concocted hanging over their heads. Really, he just wanted all of it to go away so they could just have sex.

"So?" Sirius asked expectantly once Remus entered the bedroom.

"She's not going to say anything. I've told you a hundred times." Promised Remus, irritation evident in his voice. There was no way he was going to tell Sirius about Alice and Dorcas. While Remus trusted those girls with his darkest secrets (many of them illegal doings), he knew that Sirius would simultaneously have a panic attack and temper tantrum.

"Really?"

"_Yes_. I don't know why you're so upset about this. Lily _promised_. She told me she won't say anything and she even promised James. Besides, even if people did find out, what's the problem?"

"The problem? The problem is my own business being splattered on every dirty rag and website in the civilised world."

"You're business is my business right?" Remus asked, crossing his arms defensively. He was tired, annoyed and ever so horny. It wasn't the best mood to be in at the moment and he could already tell he was picking a fight but couldn't stop himself. Often, Remus just rubbed people the wrong way. He was too snarky for his own good at the worst of times and had to get the last word in. It's why he had been bullied so much as a kid. Picking fights had sort of become a habit for him. It just never happened with Sirius before.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying, is it horrible to be truthful about something? Unless you're ashamed of yourself? Of me?"

"Don't put words in my mouth. You know that's not true." Warned Sirius. Both men glared at each other, daring someone to speak next.

"Fine. I'll just be you're live-in whore then right?"

"What is your problem?"

"_My_ fucking problem is you being paranoid. You're accusing my friend of being a gossiping bitch. If you ask me, the women you're hanging around nowadays are more likely to make some shit up about than Lily is going to tell someone about us. Which is better? More lies or us being able to walk outside together?" Spat Remus. Admittedly, there were some feelings of resentment and jealously stemming from watching Lily being able to prance around London with James. Yes, he loved Sirius but would it kill either one of them if they could go outside? Hell, he'd be satisfied with a quick meal at a fish and chips shop. Maybe Remus was starting to get stir-crazy. He didn't want to lose Sirius but he also didn't want to be forced out if there were guest over as if he were an embarrassing roommate. Also, he wasn't fully convinced Celestina was as incompetent to not notice that Sirius didn't want groping women around him if Sirius had outright said it.

"It's not my fault Celestina has taken me on as her lonely hearts project and the women she invites over have become progressively tarty. I've told her to stop but she hasn't listened. Peter's promised to try and talk sense into her."

"So Celestina's all right even if she's trying to set you up with women but you question Lily's loyalty because she knows you like dick? You know what? I think you like all that attention from women. Maybe that's why Celestina still tries to set you up. Because you don't really tell her to stop."

"What the fuck are you on about? You think I like being felt up by a randy tart?" Sirius asked, his voice rising in anger. He stood up, trying to show he wasn't intimidated by Remus who had moved from the bathroom door towards the bed with clenched fists.

"Yeah, I think you do. What? Tired of me?"

"Well, when you act like an irritable arse, tits beat out your bits any day. At least they seem to show some amount of appreciation." Sirius shot back, knowing he would regret everything he was saying the next day.

"Miss getting fawned over by all of your fans who think the sun shines out of your fucking arse? Well as someone whose had their dick up it, I can confidently say it doesn't." Concluded Remus, trying to keep the wavering out of his shout.

"That's rich given how needy you've been to have me do all the fucking lately."

Deciding that staying any longer would be a threat to his mental health and very possibly his physical well being, Remus found a pair of trousers and a shirt then proceeded to put them on.

"What are you doing? Going to run away? You're father did that didn't he? Suppose it runs in your blood." Sirius spat, following Remus out of the room. Words seem to be spilling out of his mouth without filtering through his brain. If he were thinking, Sirius would have wondered whether or not some of these things had been dwelling in the back of his mind without his knowledge and now that his logic decided it was a dandy time to piss off, every bad thought or worry he had ever had about Remus flooded out from hurt and fear.

"Sirius, I hope you choke on a cunt." Remus said, tears threatening to prick at the corner of his eyes. Grabbing his mobile, leather jacket, guitar and a pair of shoes, he made his way out and slammed the front door hard enough to rattle the wall. It took a few seconds for Sirius' anger to give way and realisation of what just happened to hit him. His throat tightened painfully and bile rose up to his tongue but he bit it back. Continuing to stare at the door, Sirius wasn't sure what to do next.

* * *

[Excerpt from BlindGossip]

**Anarchy in the UK**

What punk rocker has been hanging around London town at late hours and defacing private property? A store window was found bashed in but owners report nothing was stolen. Although there is no real evidence, some are pointing the finger of blame towards a certain guitarist in a punk band that have been known to cause chaos. He was seen hanging around the area with a guitar strapped to his back but there has yet to be any hard evidence to connect the two.

[Excerpt from _People Magazine_]

Sexy Brit musician, Sirius Black, has been a very naughty boy indeed. For the past couple of weeks, there have been reports of his having a new woman visit him every night. One of his visitors has let slip that Black has quite the sexual appetite that has yet to be satisfied. This has started to worry fellow band members who fear that Sirius has developed a sex addiction…

[Excerpt form Yahoo! News]

**Bella Donna: Back With A Smash**

After a rough patch between Bella Donna and their management, the rockers are back. Under a new manager, they have scheduled a month long tour around the UK and select cities in Europe. Their first show opened up last night in Liverpool to a very receptive crowd. The band opened up with some crowd favourites before introducing a few new songs they had recently written.

Lily Evans surprised some when she walked onto the stage with a head of solid red hair as she has become known for her trademark multicoloured hairdo. The one to pick up where she left off though was guitarist Remus Lupin, who sported messy light green streaks in his otherwise blonde hair. The band ended their energetic set with a cover of _I __Wanna __Be __Your __Dog. _Crash ending it was Remus who smashed his guitar like many punk forefathers before him.

* * *

It was quite obvious the next morning that Remus hadn't come back home and Sirius pretended to not care. He was still angry with the punk over what he said, although Sirius _did_ have his share of nasty words. What had happened to 'waiting forever'? Remus should have respected Sirius on his insistence of outing himself when he was comfortable. But over the next few days, his worry started to grow, though he tried not to show it.

Instead, he buried himself in work and fine-tuning some of Celestina's demos. For some reason, no more scantily dressed women tried to worm their way into his flat. Either Celestina decided that Sirius was a lost asexual cause or Peter was able to convince her to stop with the complimentary escorts. Didn't matter what the reason, Siruis was glad it had ended. If it hadn't, he'd probably be a lot more stressed than he already was.

By the second week, there was still no contact from Remus. Sirius broke the promise he made to himself years ago and started to read up on trash rag websites for any clue of what Remus was up to. Wriggling thoughts of Remus cheating on Sirius out of revenge or spite started to fill his head. The fact that Remus made no attempt at contact whatsoever when Bella Donna had their show in London only upset Sirius more. Pictures surfacing of Remus smoking during shows made things even worse. The fear of their relationship having ended and Sirius not actually being aware of it rose and within a day, Sirius called Remus. It didn't matter how bad the fight had been or how much it had escalated, Sirius didn't want their relationship to end because of petty jealousy or blind accusations. Especially over absurd insinuations like Sirius was cheating on Remus with women.

It took about four calls but Remus finally picked up.

"Remus?"

"Yeah, was there something you forgot to shout at me?" Asked Remus, although there was an air of accusation, the anger sounded forced.

"No. I- Remus? I didn't mean..." Whispered Sirius. Hearing Remus's voice was doing something to Sirius. All the self-righteous anger was gone and the only thing left was the guilt and fear and abject sadness. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm not ready. I'm not like you. I can't just not care. I want to but I can't. Who I am to everyone else in the world...it's all tangled up in this image of who I wanted to be. But not anymore. I just want to be with you."

His confession streamed out until he was nearing tears.

"I'm sorry too I guess. About what I said. It's just...I don't like it when you worry about us and then start to lash out at my friends and me. I know you're afraid but you shouldn't be. It's not a big deal really."

"But it _is_. It is to me and you said- you said you understood."

"I do. You just need to start trusting me more okay? Hey, we should talk about this face-to-face. I'll be back in a couple of weeks once we're done with shows yeah?"

"Sure. I suppose that's best. I love you."

"Yeah, me too." Remus assured hurriedly and hung up. It felt as if a spear had punctured Sirius' heart. There may have been reasons why Remus couldn't actually say it back but it still hurt.

* * *

There was something in Remus' eyes that told Lily that he was not in a good place. When she walked in on him in the green room, hurriedly hanging up his mobile, his lips were fixed in an unattractive brooding pout. Given that he hadn't been sending and receiving texts constantly this tour, Lily took a shot in the dark.

"You get in a fight with Sirius?"

"Don't say that name out loud. Someone might hear." Remus warned bitterly.

"What happened?" Lily asked, sitting down in front of Remus. At first, Remus avoided her eyes and she knew he was considering whether or not to talk about it.

"Maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it. You haven't been yourself lately. I mean, I thought you would have learned a lesson from me about destroying instruments when you still have shows left. Pretended it was lover boy's head?"

"He's being a bitch. Ever since you found out about us, it's all he can talk about. He's so paranoid that some rag is going to get a hold of it and spread the news." Complained Remus.

"Not too much of a bad thing. Maybe I'll be able to see you in the day instead of having you being holed up in Black's closet."

"That's what I've been trying to tell him. But he starts to freak out at the mention of being out. I don't know if he's worried about all his preteen fans having their hearts broken over knowing they'll never date him or what. I...I sort of wish that somehow a reporter figures it out and announces it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. No. I don't know. I just wish I didn't have to be so quiet about it all. If he was anyone else, I'd probably have ages ago."

"But he's not just anyone." Lily added, knowing how much fun she had with James doing little things like buying groceries or flicking off paparazzi. While she knew Remus deserved a life where he could go out whenever he wanted with whoever he wanted, she wasn't sure how to solve the issue. She didn't think there really was a solution- that is until Sirius grew some and came out.

* * *

"Hey there Fire Lily."

Disgust and annoyance oozed off of Lily the moment she heard the nick name Severus had bestowed on her years and years ago. The only other person who ever called her that was-

"Rosier. God, it's you. Was prison nice? How long before you were someone's bitch?" She replied with false sweetness. Evan Rosier gave her a sarcastic grin before hopping onto the sofa next to her. Lily would have to talk to their new manager, Tara Edgecombe, about certain people being able to get back stage.

"Oodles. Still haven't figured out who ratted me out though. Was it that snake of a boyfriend of yours perhaps? Snape was quite upset with me before the filth knocked down my door."

"Ex-boyfriend." Lily gritted her teeth.

"I know." A genuine smile was on Rosier's face now.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Now why the angry tone Fire Lily? We used to be such pals."

"I never liked you. I only tolerated you because you sold me crack."

"Which is a commodity I can still provide."

"Yeah well I'm off of it."

"Hmmm, thought you might insist on that. Hear you're hanging with a higher 'calibre' of men. Really Fire? Some bloke from a _pop_ band. Us low lives not good enough for you? No wonder Snape couldn't handle being with such an uppity bitch." Lily tightened her grip on the book she had in her hands. Probation or no, Lily was tempted to punch Rosier and break that nose of his. Maybe even poke his eyes out with the corners of her book.

"Either piss off or I'll castrate you."

"Now, now Fire Lily. My real reason was to ask the whereabouts of my favourite costumer."

"What? Who are you talking about?" Lily asked, not really interested in what Rosier had to say. She assumed anyone who spent a certain amount or was so skin on cash had to resort to shagging him for drugs would be his 'favourite' customer.

"You're a little sharper on coke, you know?" Rosier noted before continuing, "I meant Remus you bint."

"You leave him alone. He doesn't want to see you." Shot Lily, automatically feeling protective of Remus in his relatively sensitive state. Not that Remus would ever admit to being in a 'sensitive state'.

"How do you know? We got on quite well. Met up every time he wasn't wasting time with you. Gives great head too."

"Remus has a boyfriend now. He's clean too. Doesn't even smoke weed." Lily started.

"Really?" The smugness on his face turned into a tight, thin-lipped look of displeasure.

"Yeah," Lily continued with more confidence, glad that she had finally found something to knock Rosier down a few notches. "They're absolutely mad for each other. It's pretty serious." Lily was quite proud of her pun as well as the anger that was now swelling in Rosier.

"Looks like you aren't the only one to clean up your act because of some bloke huh? Funny, never saw Remus as a settling type. Guy must be pretty good in bed."

"Actually Remus lets him top. Bet he never let you do that huh?"

"No, he didn't actually."

"So yeah, I doubt Remus'll want to see you. He and his boyfriend are at it all the time anyway so not like he'd have time to meet up anyway. I think they're moving in together soon. Officially that is. So you can go ahead and take your bag of second rate cocaine to someone else." Lily announced haughtily, standing up with her hands on her hips. Realising his cue to leave, Rosier actually took it, giving Lily a last look of disdain before closing the door behind him. Feeling much better about herself, Lily sat back on the couch and went back to her book. She started to hum one of James' songs that she didn't absolutely hate and a smirk grew on her lips.

* * *

**Rita Skeeter: Breaking News**

A little birdie tells Rita that a familiar British heartthrob isn't singing about women in his soul baring songs.

You heard it here first: according to a very reputable source, Sirius Black is gay. He's been hiding this secret and the fact he's been in a relationship with an unnamed man for quite some time now due to 'publicity purposes'. Though it makes sense given he's hardly ever photographed with women. My little source tells me that his dinner date with Celestina Warbeck was all a rouse for paparazzi and the fact that it brought together Celestina and Peter Pettrigrew was unintentional.

This will cause the hopeful hearts of millions of female fans to break and I can assure you that mine is among them. Though I am sure I can speak for all of us when I ask the question of who this unnamed man is. Perhaps it's this man who is somehow causing rifts between The Marauder members and is the reason for the imminent break up? There are so many possibilities right now and I can assure my readers that I will do all I can to find the gritty facts.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**: Here's a nice long chapter for you guys! Happy whatever you celebrate/ happy new year! You guys are awesome!

* * *

Sometimes when tabloid stories surfaced, they were forgotten, even if there was a grain of truth. If it wasn't scandalous enough or just didn't peak the interest and imagination of the public then it simply would not gain momentum. When the story of Sirius' homosexual tendencies broke, momentum was all it gained. Within three days, the story was in every gossip website and every magazine that could publish it in time. Kingsley told Sirius that he could either deny the allegations or come out. Denying would lead to a series of interviews and some paparazzi walks with a 'girlfriend'. Coming out was the best option and it had been planned out in the best way possible. It seemed one of the highest bidders that Kingsley thought would be easier on Sirius was the Ellen DeGeneres show. He was going to flying out the next day to do the taping and Sirius was sure there was going to be loads of him discussing how relieved he was that the truth was finally out. And he was...but he wasn't as the same time.

There was supposed to be a weight that lifted off his shoulders. There was supposed to be the feeling of freedom and liberation. All he felt was hurt, betrayed and as if his heart was punched till it was bruised. Remus must have been so upset or angry about everything that he blabbed. To Rita Skeeter of all people. He must have. Sirius couldn't think of another explanation than Remus or one of those birds in his band telling Skeeter. That knowledge hurt Sirius to no end. It was absolutely killing him from the inside out.

So here he was, drinking at 3 PM. Well, a little tipsy at 3 PM as he started an hour or so ago. He didn't want to step outside and he didn't want to talk to anyone right now. There were 5 missed calls from James and 3 from Peter on his mobile and on his seldom used house line there were 2 messages from James and a message from Kingsley confirming travel plans. Two bottles of beer had been consumed and a bottle of champagne was just finished. Sirius stood up to see what other alcoholic findings he had hidden in his kitchen when his mobile rang once again. With no intention of answering, Sirius looked at the screen to see whether it was James, Peter or even Kingsley and almost dropped his glass. Very clearly on his mobile screen was the name of one of the last persons he wanted to talk to. Just before the call went to voicemail, Sirius picked up.

"Sirius? How are you? What happened? I'm in Berlin and just got the news of everything. Are you okay?"

"How the bloody hell do you think I am, you snitch?" Sirius snapped back. As much as he didn't want this conversation, his drunken addled mind felt it would be the chance of liberation he deserved.

"What? You don't think I sold the story?" Asked Remus.

"If it wasn't you then it was one of those bitches in your band. Either way, it all comes back to you doesn't it?"

"I swear-"

"All I wanted was this one thing. This one simple thing and you couldn't let me have it! Is this how you break up with everyone you see? Just out them to various rags?" Sirius' voice had started to rise into a shout and there was no way that he was going to let Remus get a word in edgewise. He started to pace around. "I don't care what bullshit apologies you made up. Think about someone other yourself for even a nanosecond."

"Sirius, just listen. It's not-."

"Not what I think?" Sirius cut in. The more he said, the better he felt. The anger that lashed out had been building up the moment he read the article. "It never is, is it? You told me to trust you and this is what happens? You can't just treat me like that. What you think is good for me may bloody well not be. Let me make my own fucking decisions from now on. Actually, I'm going to make one right now. It's over okay? In fact, I don't want to see you ever again. So don't even bother coming back to my flat. I'll just have your stupid things sent to your place." With that, Sirius hung up. A weight had been lifted but with its departure it left a gaping, bitter emptiness. Throwing his mobile down and placing the glass on the coffee table, Sirius sat back down on the sofa. Putting his head in his hands, he started to sob.

Alone in a green room in Berlin, Remus still held his mobile to his ear, not wanting to believe what just transpired. When he had heard about an article concerning Sirius' sexuality, Remus looked into it and didn't know how the story leaked. Remus knew he didn't say anything and he made all the girls swear on various graves that they said nothing. Though perhaps one of them was drunk and it slipped, but then again out of the people they met on tour, which one of them would even care about the sexuality of a pop rock singer like Sirius Black? This was the first time in the first couple of hours after knowing of the article that Remus was alone so of course he called up Sirius.

But apparently Sirius didn't want Remus' comfort. He didn't want Remus at all and that hurt like fuck. Finally putting down his mobile, Remus looked at the newest tattoo on his left wrist and a hollow, bitter laugh escaped his throat before it tightened painfully. In just a minute, it seemed that Remus' life was falling apart completely but he kept on telling himself it wasn't. Tears prickled but he held them back. He wasn't the crying type and he refused to start now. If Sirius was going to be a pussy about it then Remus didn't need to give him the time of day.

So tears were bit back and he did what felt most natural to him. Remus shattered everything in the green room that he could get his hands on before security stopped him.

* * *

They were walking back to the green room at the end of the night. She was still on the high and adrenaline from the show, which always made her more intensely focused. Right now, Alice was determined to find out what had put Remus in such a foul mood lately. No reason had been given for his rampage in the Berlin green room other than him insisting he wanted a bit of fun. But he had been a little bitch lately so she was going to give him a few shots and see if he spilled.

Alice was so focused on trying to decide on a plan that she was surprised to have someone grab her arm in the hall. The others, who were in front of her, were too involved in their own chatting and they didn't notice the fourth band member stopping. Holding onto her arm was the last person she expected- or wanted to see. In a button down shirt and pair of trousers that fit him annoyingly well was Frankie Long.

"What the hell? Why aren't you someone's punching bag by now?" She asked, pulling her arm out of his grip.

"The punks are much kinder in this city." Frank answered back, trying for sarcasm but not really hitting it. Alice was wearing another one of those low cut vest things she liked so much and he was enjoying the view. Crossing her arms, Alice rolled her eyes.

"You really can't take a hint can you?"

"The hint that you're unnecessarily playing hard to get? Well if that didn't tip you off, you don't need to pretend."

"Wow, you really do have selective hearing. Is that a medical problem? Do you have another medical problem in those pants of yours that makes you feel you have to compensate in other aspects of your life?"

"Speaking of pants, I've got a nice hotel room for the night. Maybe you can join me and we'll be taking off certain items of clothing."

"Hey, the only thing I'd be taking off for you is my knife so I can stab you with it. Preferably in the gut."

"Is this how your foreplay normally goes?"

"No, this is how my muggings normally start. If that didn't tip you off, you should probably start running." Alice turned to walk towards the green room again with no intention of looking back.

"Why are we doing this to ourselves? We can't fight nature."

"No but you can try and fight security. I wouldn't suggest it though." Alice called out, not turning around. As Frank watched her go, he decided he needed to rethink his tactics…again. Knowing full well that Alice was not above calling security to kick him out (or even doing it herself), Frank decided it was best to head back to his hotel. Maybe he'd stop at a bar and pick up a bird. Preferably one with short bleached blonde hair and a nice rack. Frank had already accepted the fact that he was a bit on the sleazy side when it came to women and now just owned it.

When he was still in his awkward years, he was intent on becoming a metal guitarist. Because of this, Frank had long unkempt hair and a love of baggy black clothes. Not really the get up of a lady-killer. At about 16, he had written a cheesy and terrible love song as a joke but it ended up earning him his first sexual experience. After that, Frank listened to more blues, cut his hair, bathed a few more times a week, worked out and started to mould himself into the moody, emotionally unreadable and utterly shaggable Frankie Long.

He didn't regret it but he often wondered what life would have been like if he'd stayed true to that angst ridden teenage self. Perhaps Alice would bother to give him another glance. There wasn't a real answer that Frank was satisfied with that would explain this obsession he had with Alice. Maybe it was because she was his ideal woman at the age of 16 and so this was just some way to make peace with that part of him. Another explanation that didn't bode as well with Frank was that Alice was the one woman he showed interest in that saw through his bullshit and was smart enough to want nothing to do with it. And that drove him crazy as he tried to figure out a way to make her want him because that meant that deep down, he could be happy with himself. Going back to his normal superficial self, it was also possible that Frank just found her constant verbal abuse rather hot.

It could very well be all of those things. Deciding that he wasn't in the mood to put effort into picking up a woman and seducing her into bed, Frank headed straight for his hotel with plans to make good use of the mini-bar. He needed a nice glass of scotch.

* * *

Sirius wasn't really one to drink his problems away but in this case, he was willing to make an exception. There was a fine line between getting the buzz and going into utter drunken despair. He wasn't very good at judging how to tread this line and so he drank enough that he started to blackout and thus, memories of his horrible existence were less. That was something at least.

This had been going on for quite some time (at least it felt like it to him) after he had come back from his 'coming out' rounds. After faking how happy he was for about a week, Sirius' mask was starting to crack so badly that Kingsley had allowed him to just sit it out a bit. Truth was, Sirius was so broken at this point that it was starting to show and that was never a good place to be. Even when he dropped out of Eaton, Sirius was still able to carry on like the world was a peachy place. He didn't know why he couldn't do that now. Well, he was sure he knew but at this point, he'd not let himself get sober enough to remember.

Suddenly, James appeared out of nowhere.

"How'd you get here?" Sirius said slowly, so as not to slur and give away his current state.

"You buzzed me up." James stated, worry starting to etch into his face. "Did you forget to lock your door last night? I just thought you unlocked it now to let me walk in."

"Huh?"

"Bloody hell mate, what's happened to you? Are you really this beat up about that punk?"

"_Don't talk to me about him_!" Sirius shouted, jumping up quickly and loosing balance. James was soon at his side as Sirius babbled. "He doesn't 'spect me and my arssse. I don't need him! Wanker."

"Uh, yeah. How much have you had to drink?" James asked while he sat Sirius back down and joined him on the sofa.

"I…" Deciding he was too tired of talking, Sirius finished the statement with a shrug and lay down over the sofa arm closest to him. Patting him on the back, James took a few moments to choose the best thing to say.

"Look, I know you're upset but it'll pass." Assured James and he earned an incomprehensible mumble from Sirius, which was taken as an opposing reply.

"I'm serious." There was a beat where James waited for Sirius to say some pun joke but frowned when there was none. "Sirius, it's just a break up. It's not the end of the world even though I know it feels like it."

"What if Lily dumped you? How'd you feel?" Shot Sirius.

"Okay, I probably would lock myself up for a while like you but I'd get over it in the end. What I'm trying to say is that it'll pass. It hurts now but you just got to soldier on. Come on, let's get you sobered up."

Sobering up meant James gave Sirius a combination of kebabs, fries and a lot of coffee in the cool autumn air. Throwing up before they left the flat also helped the cause. As the two men sat on a bench, James thought about Sirius and how he seemed to be doing worse than James had thought he would be. Sirius had semi-boyfriends before though he never seemed to be happy with them in the end and that's what seemed to have happened again. Also, all fingers pointed to Remus as the one who told Skeeter about Sirius' preferences. Lily had assured him that she didn't say anything and James didn't know of anyone in his circle that would stoop to that level. So even though Sirius and Lily were found of Remus, James felt it was best he was out of Sirius' life. Even though he had told Sirius he was fine with Remus, James still disliked the guy. It was his gut instinct. A part of him said it was childish jealousy. Sirius had kept a huge part of his life secret from James and Remus was the reason (as well as the secret). As a child, James was always protective of his toys. Now though, he had real reason to dislike the bloke because he was causing his best friend horrible anguish.

"Thanks James." Sirius said, picking at the last bits of his kebab.

"Anytime mate. So how you feeling?"

"Horrible."

"Then you need to perk up!" James went for enthusiastic but only earned a skeptical eyebrow. He gave Sirius the cup of coffee he had been holding and Sirius took a large gulp.

"How do you suggest I do that?" This made James think for a moment. He hadn't actually thought that far.

"By…getting out more. And not drinking until you puke."

"Many of the people we know would argue that drinking till you puke is sign of a good night."

"How many of those people do you actually like to spend time with on a regular basis?" Asked James, pointing at the last of the kebab and after getting the okay, finishing it.

"Frank and uh…okay one." Admitted Sirius. And even then, he still hadn't officially forgiven him for that night he got the tattoo. Suddenly, a pang struck Sirius' heart and he felt himself slipping back to emotional distress.

"You're not a 10 shots and a club kind of guy. More of a wine and cheese bloke."

"Yeah I suppose. Well if I'm not going to be nursing my broken self with alcohol then what's my next plan of action?"

"Dating." James finally said, a plan percolating in his brain.

"I don't think I'm ready for that right now." Sirius started but James shushed him.

"No you are. You're not going to get better by sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself. You need to get back out there."

"James-"

"I'm serious."

"No I am." Sirius said before he could think about it. They both smiled slightly. "Okay what do you have in mind?"

"A week ago, I met Erik Kjeldsson. He's this Swedish actor and he was asking me if you were single. Wanted to know if I could introduce you two."

At a charity dinner event, James found himself seated at a table with Erik. They got to chatting and he seemed like a very polite, intelligent and talented bloke. He was even starting to direct some short films. Not to mention that he was rather hot and James was comfortable enough in his own sexuality to admit that if he were going to go gay, he wouldn't mind if Erik was the one on the receiving end. Though technically he'd say Sirius because he was obligated to say it.

"And?"

"And why not? He's a great guy. Like I said, you need to get out there again. Meet people. Better people that certain tattooed persons." Thinking about Remus again made the pangs in Sirius' chest grow stronger. He thought about everything that had happened between them and the final betrayal. Sirius deserved better than that.

"All right, what the hell? Give me his number and I'll give him a ring." Sirius gave in, taking out his mobile.

* * *

[Excerpt from TMZ]

**Getting 'Sirius' with Erik Kjeldsson**

Pictures have surfaced of Marauders front man Sirius Black on a date with actor Erik Kjeldsson. This time though, it'll be harder for him to deny the level of their involvement. The photos show Sirius and Kjeldsson kissing several times in the restaurant. Inside sources say the two met via mutual friends and have been hooking up occasionally. Only recently have they decided that they may be able to turn those hook ups into something more serious.

* * *

The girls were treating Remus' break up like it was a national crisis. When it came to their world, it was. The three women of Bella Donna were sitting in James' house for a conference. Normally these things would be held at Lily and Remus' but the topic of the day was Remus himself. While they could have just sent him out on a fake errand, they didn't want to risk it in this occasion. Also, Alice wanted to see what all the fuss about James was.

A break up wasn't normally one for major concern but Lily had started to worry about Remus' health. After Berlin, Remus was not his self in the worst of ways. Since they had ended the tour, it was getting worse. Then there was that whole thing about Sirius dating some actor bloke that was going around in the tabloids and she wasn't sure how long it was until Remus found out. Lily wasn't sure what Remus was going to do to his self and possibly others. He seemed so out of it and it was obvious he had no idea how to get back to a safe place mentally. It hurt her to know that there wasn't anything she could do right now, which was why she was holding his meeting. Remus was her family now and she was determined to make sure _this_ family didn't fall to shit. The only thing standing in her way was everyone else not taking it seriously.

"I don't see what the big deal is. Sure, Remus is upset but he'll find someone else to shag." Reasoned Alice.

"I agree with Alice. Well not with how she said it but the general idea," Dorcas said. "This is going to happen in a break up. People are upset after a break up but they get over it with time. All Remus needs is time. Lovers come and go. It's not like Sirius was 'the one' for Remus."

"Dorcas, out of everyone I thought you would have sided with me. You know the women you and Emmeline work with." Shot Lily.

"Yeah but unlike them, Remus is not in an abusive relationship."

"But you saw what he did in the green room-"

"Remus breaks things when he's having a good day. He was just letting off steam at the time." Dorcas argued.

"Wasn't Black the one to break up with Remus? Should you be talking to him? If he's upset that everyone knows he's an arse muncher then he's the one with the problems." Alice moved to pull out a cigarette but Lily stopped her with a glare. Sighing, Alice placed the pack back in her pocket and wondered what Lily saw in a guy that didn't allow smoking in his house. The fact that James was supposedly great friends with Frank didn't bias her in any way, of course.

"Speaking of that, you two didn't blab to anyone about Remus and Sirius? Don't look at me like that! Just I think Remus may be getting suspicious of us." Lily knew that either one didn't say anything; she just wanted to make sure. The looks that Dorcas and Alice were giving her seemed better proof than anything else.

"Why us? Could have been one of Sirius' friends. You know, Frankie Long is a dick head. Wouldn't surprise me that he spilled." Started Alice, getting eye rolls from both Lily and Dorcas.

"Can you please go a day without mentioning him?" Started Dorcas.

"I go plenty long without ever talking about that worm." Alice insisted but the topic was quickly taken back to Remus.

"Lily, I really don't think we need to worry about Remus. He's smart and yes he's hurting right now but all we can do is be there for him when he needs us. But other than that, give him space."

"She's right you know. He might like blokes but that doesn't make him a girl. We men like our space in emotional turmoil." James said, walking into the living room. He gave Lily a quick kiss on the lips as a greeting and Alice mimed a gagging motion.

"Don't tell me you're on their side. I thought you're supposed to be on mine." Insisted Lily. This seemed to be a losing battle.

"Four eyes is right Lily," Alice said, earning a slight scowl from James. "Remus needs to work out things on his own and obviously doesn't want our input. Maybe he'll be quiet and sullen for a few more weeks and maybe he'll just get high a few times but Remus is a big boy. He can take care of himself and will deal with things however he needs to. If he wants to talk, he'll say so."

"Sirius was depressed about this whole mess as well so I convinced him to go out and have some fun. He's started dating this Swedish guy and he seems-"

"That was your doing?" Lily accused James, crossing her arms and glaring but James persisted.

"Look, he'll either figure out that he's been an idiot about it all and call Remus up or he'll get over it. I'm sure Remus is going to do something similar. You just have to sit back and let these things run their course." Stated James. Lily looked around to the three faces in the room that seemed to be against her gut feeling. After talking to Remus about how he had felt about Sirius at the time and living with him for as long as she had now, Lily was positive she was a better judge of him than the others. But that still didn't count towards the fact that she was outnumbered. Even _Alice_, who was perpetually in everyone else's business thought Lily was being too nosey. Sighing, Lily gave up.

"_Fine_. I'll step back and let Remus deal on his own. But don't start telling me how I was right when things go wrong."

* * *

Out by a derelict factory that he had frequented often when he first came to London, Remus was quickly going through a new pack of cigarettes. It was a place few knew about- at least those who knew him- and he often came out here if something was bothering him. There was one night he slept here when he was coming down from a bad heroine trip (which incidentally was also the last time he touched the stuff). It also was the one place Remus knew he could get some peace and quiet. Though why he needed it he wasn't sure of anymore. He definitely didn't want to think about things. The tour ended a couple of weeks ago and so he had nothing to occupy his time, or at least to pretend was occupying it. When Lily was at their flat, she constantly tried to talk to him about Sirius. Something he didn't want to think about. It was over between them. Dead. Utterly dead. There was no point harping on about the past. Especially when the past was rather insignificant in the scheme of his life.

Remus was tired of the girls giving him these loud looks of pity and silence seemed to be the best remedy for that. What he didn't expect was to have his own thoughts turning against him and attacking him. Taking a long drag, Remus started to play with his lighter, flicking it on and off. There was either the noise of others feeling sorry for him or the noise of him feeling sorry for himself and neither one seemed a nice option. The past three days had been spent completely baked but once the haze was over, Remus felt worse than before. He didn't want to think but it didn't seem like he could avoid that. A magazine lay next to him, open to some pictures of Sirius with his new Swedish beau. Remus didn't want to analyse why he had stolen the damn thing or why he had even bothered flipping through to look at the pictures. He didn't need more self-flagellating proof that his life was shit but there he was, reminding himself.

Thoughts of burning the pages, starting with Erik's face started to flit around his head when a voice startled him.

"Lucky me. Thought I might find you here one day. What makes me so lucky as to run into you? Word on the street was that you found yourself a pretty boy and was done with people like me." The voice of Evan Rosier rang out, triumphant smirk on his face. Ironically, it was the man who had sold Remus the heroine that one time in this very area.

"I don't do boyfriends. You know that." Remus chose to say as he took another long drag.

"Really? Lily said you two were smitten with each other. I wanted to throw up."

"Lily told you?" Asked Remus suddenly, unable to stop himself.

"Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me who. Tried to rub my face in it though. Oh, wait. You're kidding." Rosier had walked over and noticed the magazine by Remus. Picking it up and taking a closer look at the spread, Rosier started to chuckle. "Really Remus? Sirius Black? At least I assume it's him. His cousins and brother tell me loads about him. Got a real big stick up his arse. Though from the sounds of it he had his up yours. Yeah, she told me about that too."

Remus' hands clenched and he felt his anger rise. Did Lily really go and tell Rosier all of this?

"Aren't you supposed to be in the slammer?"

"Probation. Now back to the subject at hand," Rosier sat down next to Remus and pulled himself a cigarette out of the half empty packet. "You put all your eggs in one basket and now Black here has found himself a new lay. Can't blame him though, bloke _is_ rather fit."

"What the hell do you want Rosier?" Asked Remus, his patience completely gone.

"What do I always want?" Started Rosier. "I want to help people. Make 'em feel better about the shite things in their lives. How can I do that?" He let the question hang as he pulled out a clear bag of white powder.

Remus looked at the packet warily. He could all ready feel his control slipping as he started to think about the high. After a line the euphoria was overwhelming. Maybe he'd feel all right about this Sirius and Erik situation. It could give him the strength to not care and that's something he could use right about now.

"Why would I be interested?" Remus tried to hide the fact he had actually considered it.

"Why not? Remember how fun it was? Felt invincible on it didn't you? Like nothing could touch you? Not even say, shitty musicians that have a preference for blonde, buff Sweds?"

"I'm not sucking you off for a few grams anymore."

"Don't have to if you don't want to. See this as a favour. Friends do that for each other. We look out for one another. Lily obviously wasn't doing that for you. Went and blabbed to everyone about you and lover boy. Now your little heart's crushed."

"I don't give a fuck about _him_ or Lily." Remus insisted, voice rising angrily. "Sirius can go fuck himself for all I care. He was just a good fuck and a free meal."

"Really? Because it looks like _you_ were just his callboy. Guess what I see here in this magazine that you happen to be in possession of? Your boyfriend kissing some other bloke and it's only been what? A couple weeks? I heard about you trashing that place in Berlin. Is that when you found out he had been shagging this arse behind your back? Guy looks better than you'll ever be as well. He never gave two shits about you. Why are you fooling yourself? If you really didn't care, you'd be first one with this up his nose."

It took a few moments for everything that Rosier said to start to sink in. Everything that Remus didn't want to think about was now flying in his head. It all started to make sense and yet he didn't want it to. Remus didn't want to think about how maybe Lily had spilled the truth or how Sirius was already dating others or how Remus had gotten so fucking _weak_ this whole time. Before anything could sink in too far, he picked up the bag and felt Rosier place a comforting hand on his shoulder and whispering.

"There's a good boy."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**: You guys are so sweet! I loved reading all your comments and they pushed me to write this faster. I was hoping that this chapter would be less of a cliff hanger but uh...yeah. Enjoy another long chapter! :D  
**A/N2**: The song that is mentioned is The One That Got Away from Katy Perry. Not a huge Perry fan but I thought if Sirius were to write a song for Celestina in his current emotional state, that one would work well. Just imagine it being sung with a bit more soul.

* * *

Lily promised herself that she wouldn't worry. She'd give Remus a month, two months tops to get his life together and if he wasn't getting better then she would step in. As the month wore on, Lily saw less and less of Remus. Some of it was because she was finding herself in the very natural process of moving in with James that many couples found themselves unintentionally doing. Most of her nights were spend at his so she wasn't really around her flat. The other half of it was because Remus was also hardly ever around. Where he ran off to though was not knowledge Lily was apparently privy to. On the off chance she did catch him, he'd often be running off somewhere and her questions of the location would be answered with a mumble or shrug. Lily tried to tell herself that Remus was simply getting out more but she had a bad feeling the pit of her stomach and no proof to show anyone so they would agree with her.

The times that Lily saw Remus, he seemed jumpier than normal as well as skinnier. Lily knew something was wrong and perhaps she didn't intervene because she was worried to know the truth. Just before Rosier had been locked up, both Lily and Remus agreed not to see him again. Drug dealers weren't normally someone you hung out with because you enjoyed their company but Rosier was simply bad news in all ways. In addition to the fact that he had turned Remus into his own personal whore, Lily had a feeling he was mixing some dangerous things into the drugs he sold them. The final straw was when Remus was missing for 3 days after what he explained was a horrible heroine trip and they made a promise to one another to never make contact with Rosier ever again. It scared Lily to think that Remus may have been spending time with that scum again. He was manipulative and greedy and so many other words that were colourful synonyms for evil.

Everyone kept on telling Lily to not worry. So eventually, she stopped.

* * *

Out of the billions of people in the world, there was one that was bound to be perfect. Erik Kjeldsson was that man and perhaps through some sort of Karma, Sirius was the lucky bastard who was sleeping with him. Not only was he fit, blonde, and handsome by all standards but Erik was also a great guy. He was funny, smart, artistic, caring, humble, charming, had a sexy accent and did things in bed that made Sirius see stars hours after. It seems he was sort of Sirius' boyfriend now. They'd been dating quite a bit over the last month and now Erik was spending a lot of time at Sirius'. He would be going away to start filming a huge directing project in Iceland in a few days so they were spending as much time as possible with each other. Sirius had no real obligations other than working on songs. Over the last week, he had put together some demos for Erik to listen to. Erik had mentioned that he had yet to find a composer for his film score and wondered if Sirius was up to the challenge of impressing him. That and the few songs for Celestina he needed to finish up took up most of Sirius' time that wasn't spent with Erik.

Sirius needed the distractions that work and Erik provided him. Erik might have been the perfect man but that wasn't enough for Sirius. When he had time to think, there was still had empty heart ache in his chest that just wouldn't go away. Of the songs that Sirius wrote by himself for Celestina, the one that she had loved the most was the most painful for him. They had settled on the title of _The One That Got Away_. Sirius had written the chorus first out of all the lyrics and it was so painful that he had to create an imaginary couple to finish the rest of the song. Sirius didn't have the strength to write about things that directly pertained to his life and he didn't want to know why as it had never been a problem before. The subject of Remus still hurt so much and he was glad there was hardly anything nowadays that brought it up.

One morning, Sirius woke up alone in bed. This was normal. Erik was an unusually perky early bird and enjoyed a full gym work out and shower before 7 AM if possible. Sometimes Sirius joined him but he had been late the night before after their shagging, working in his studio. That was another thing that ate at Sirius, he never liked staying in bed for the afterglow with Erik. But Erik, being the great guy he was never complained.

When Sirius padded out to the kitchen, he found Erik drinking tea and reading through a Swedish newspaper that was delivered especially for him. Next to him was Sirius' laptop, playing one of the demos Sirius had created for Erik.

"Morning. Get a lot of work done?" Erik asked looking up from his paper for a moment.

"Yes and no I guess."

"Good and shame then? Oh, another one of your toys was delivered." Erik pointed to the package on the counter and Sirius quickly made his way over to open it. A habit he had picked up lately was buying more and more tools for his studio. A lot of the various instruments were more for electronic and techno music but Celestina had mentioned interest in traveling towards a more electro sound amongst other things. Sirius had fun playing around with them and so Erik had teased that they were his newest toys.

"Great. So how do you like my demos?" Sirius asked as he opened the box.

"They're nice so far. Unless someone else pops up I think you may have the job. Need to run it by the producers first of course so don't assume anything yet."

"Keep me updated then so I can make sure I'm not too booked when filming dies down." Sirius left the box on the counter (which contained a Korg Kaossilator) and made himself a cup of coffee. He yawned as he watched the coffee drip into his cup while Erik continued to make small talk.

"I also listened to the latest version of that song you wrote for Celestina, I hope you don't mind."

"No that's all right. What did you think? I could use an outside opinion. I think it's still missing something."

"I think it sounds amazing. Celestina really knows how to sound heart broken in the chorus."

"Yeah, she's got quite the voice." Agreed Sirius. Working with Celestina had gotten easier. Peter didn't really come in that much when she was recording but that seemed to make things go faster. They had spent a couple days last week in a professional studio getting some strings arrangements and other recordings he couldn't get at his own studio so now a lot of the work was putting it all together.

"You wrote the whole song right?"

"Pretty much. Celestina tinkered with some of the verses." Sirius had his mug in hand and took a sip. He grabbed the box with the intent to leave it in his studio and come back out for a proper breakfast. There may still be croissants in the fridge somewhere he could warm up in the oven.

"The song, is it about Remus?" Erik asked innocently, head still behind his newspaper. The question made Sirius stop in his tracks. He had difficulty swallowing past the lump that had formed in his throat.

"How, how do you know about him?" Sirius asked. He almost dropped the box under his arm when he turned to face Erik. Erik had folded up the newspaper and placed it neatly on the table. The expression on his face was one of understanding and concern. It was the first time Sirius wanted to punch that face. "Did James? Did he-"

"No, I heard his name in one of the demos you had. Sorry. I was being nosey. I looked through some of the songs you had filed under your band's name and there was this song I liked but the end had you and him…together. I assume Remus was important to you. He's the tattoo you have, yes?"

Sirius had a feeling he knew which recording Erik was talking about and cursed his own stupidity for not getting rid of it yet. Noticing that Sirius wasn't attempting to talk, Erik continued.

"I only bring it up because I know you're not happy with me. You pretend to be happy but I know you're not. I can see it in your eyes."

"I _am_ happy." Sirius argued but the statement sounded weak, even to him. Making his way over to the table, Sirius placed the box and mug down then took a seat across from Erik.

"Don't lie. I'm not angry with you. I just want you to talk about it. Bottling it up isn't doing you any good."

"If I can't make it work with you Erik, then what hope do I have?" Sirius said suddenly, feeling tears fall down his cheeks. He didn't even know when they had started to form. By all accounts, Erik was the perfect man. He was the perfect man for Sirius on paper and just spending time with him, Sirius knew he should be happy. But he wasn't and he didn't know what to do other than pretend that everything was okay.

"What do you mean?"

"You're the perfect man Erik. If I can't even put all the shit I have aside for you then there's no hope for me." Sirius tried to explain.

"No one's perfect Sirius."

"I know but you're pretty damn close." Sirius said a little to forcefully.

"You still want to be with Remus though. I don't know who he is but it sounds like he's the one that got away from you. Am I correct?" Sirius looked away from Erik at that question. He was either unable to answer it or just didn't want to acknowledge how true it was. Erik decided it was the latter. Not wanting to push Sirius too far, Erik waited a few moments and when he noticed Sirius was still looking away, stood up to leave. Sirius didn't seem like he was ready to talk about this and needed some time to collect himself. Just as Erik was about to apologise, Sirius spoke up.

"We, we never thought what we were doing was going to be anything long term. It was just some fun. But then we fell in l-love. So unintentionally. James thinks he was bad for me. Maybe he was but I didn't care. He might have been far from perfect but I loved every bit of him."

* * *

"Hey, buzz Sirius, let him know James is here." James told security at the front desk of Sirius' flat complex. The men all knew him but it was still protocol. It was odd when the man, Jake if he remembered the name correctly, frowned.

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter, Mr. Black moved out four days ago. He told us to give you this letter if you ever stopped by."

"He what?" Asked James, not believing the security guard.

"Again I'm sorry. He seemed to be in a hurry to leave."

"Not your fault. Thanks." James took the letter and started to make his way back to his car. He stopped before leaving the building to look at the envelope he had been handed. It was a simple white envelope with James' name on the front in Sirius' distinct neat handwriting. There was only one page inside with a few lines.

_James, _

_I'm sorry to leave like this but don't worry about me. I need to get my life straightened out. Will get in contact when I'm back in the country. Let Pete and Kingsley know. _

_-Sirius _

Putting the letter back into the envelope, James pulled out his mobile. He was determined to get to the bottom of this. Sirius just didn't leave without telling him. Especially when it came to leaving the country. This must be some sort of trick.

He scrolled down to Sirius' number in his contacts and called it. Panic started to set in when he was sent to an automated message that stated the number had been disconnected. James called the next person he could think of that would know where Sirius had gone off to. Within a couple of rings, it was answered.

"Erik? It's James."

"Oh hello James. How are you?"

"All right, look, I'm at Sirius' and I got this letter from the front desk that says he's left the country. I can't reach him on his mobile. Do you know what this is all about? You're his boyfriend right? You should know." James started to ask as his panic increased. What if this was all an elaborate scheme to hide the fact Sirius had been kidnapped?

"Not anymore. We broke up last week."

"What? If you hurt him enough to make him leave-"

"No, Sirius broke up with me. I'm sorry you had to find out like this James. Sirius was still upset about some things and needed to get away from it all for a while. I helped him get out of the country without anyone noticing." Erik explained rather calmly.

"So where is he?"

"I can't tell you that. Sorry."

"But I'm his best friend." James argued, getting angry with the Swedish man. "And, I need to let our manager know where he's run off to. So you should really tell me."

"Sirius will be back when he's ready. I thought you'd be more supportive of this. You know, he's really torn up about his last breakup and just needed an ear to listen to."

"Don't you start telling me how to be his friend!" shouted James. "_I_ know how to be his friend and I _knew_ that his ex was bad news. I was there for him. I wasn't the one putting this bullshit in his head about leaving the country! Why does he have to leave the god damn country?"

"I'm not going to argue to you about this. Sirius needed to get away from everyone who thinks they know what he needs and all the paparazzi so he can find out what he really needs. I'm hanging up now; I need to get back to work. I hope you calm down enough to see the logic in all this. Goodbye James."

Just as James started to shout at Erik some more, the line disconnected. Now in a rage, James called Kingsley to see if he happened to know what the hell was going on with Sirius. As he scrolled down for Kingsley's name, James cursed the day he met Remus Lupin.

* * *

[_Excerpt from TMZ_]

**Erik Kjeldsson and Sirius Black Call It Quits, Black Flees London**

Actor Erik Kjeldsson and Marauder's front man Sirius Black seemed to be in a charmed relationship. With many paparazzi shots of them cuddling together around town and numerous friends discussing how happy they were, it seems a shock to all to hear they're calling it quits. After only a few months together, the two have decided to call it quits. For the past couple of weeks, Erik has been in Iceland filming his first feature film and there had been no signs of him trying to get into contact with Sirius. A statement was released yesterday from their agents that said the break up was due to 'irreconcilable differences' but that the two remain good friends.

Earlier today, Erik released a statement stating that he and Sirius "are still very good friends but just weren't able to make things work beyond that." He went on to say that Sirius is one likely to write the score for his film to prove no hard feelings.

So it seems that the two left on good terms but some evidence has been discovered that leads some to believe otherwise. Soon after the break up, Sirius Black put his flat on the market and left London for an unknown destination. There has yet to be any witnesses that know of Sirius' current location but some say that he left because he was able to stay in the town where he had so many happy memories with Erik.

* * *

[_Excerpt from Digital Spy_]

**Celestina Warbeck Leaks Single **

Fans were excited to hear that Celestina's new album was set to be released in about two months time. More buzz was generated yesterday when she put a link on her Twitter account sending fans to a short A Cappella video of her belting the beginning one of the songs on the album. Celestina stated that it was her favourite song on the new album and wanted fans to get a taste of the new sound. The song is confirmed as _The One That Got Away_ and will be released in it's full within a week's time.

In a following tweet after many positive responses, Celestina told fans to thank Sirius Black of The Marauders for writing and producing the song for her, as well as a few other songs on her upcoming album.

* * *

When Remus was drunk, it was sometimes harder for people to reason with him but with a bit of patience more often than not he could start to see logic. When Remus was on crack, no one could reason with him. That was why he found himself in the back of a police car. In his rather frantic mind, Remus still wasn't sure what was going on. All he knew was that he and Rosier were going to get high at some guy's house. He didn't really know the details but he did know that Rosier wasn't here right now. Somehow he had been able to run off when Remus got angry with one of the police officers for touching him.

Lately, Remus didn't like it when people touched him. He wasn't sure why. Normally he was fine with a bit of rough and tumble with whatever bloke was up to it but nowadays not so much. The only person he had gotten intimate with for the past couple of months was Rosier but even then he was uncomfortable. Rosier kept pushing Remus to have anal sex with him but Remus didn't want it. Not when he was thinking straight and not when he was on whatever Rosier gave him. There was no appeal whatsoever and that pissed Rosier off. If Rosier got too rowdy about it, Remus would normally be able to shut him up with a punch.

Honestly, Remus didn't like Rosier all that much but it would have been nice to have someone he knew sitting next to him. All Remus was trying to do was get the police man to stop touching him and now he was going to jail where it was likely _more_ people where going to try and touch him. After some fussing about, Remus was able to get a little more comfortable with the handcuffs around his wrists. A small laugh left his lips when Remus remembered there was a time he used to have a lot of fun with handcuffs. The handsome face of a black haired man flashed in front of him and it left Remus bitter. Pulling up his legs to his chest, Remus put his cheek up against the cold window. Maybe if he closed his eyes, this would all go away.

* * *

[_Excerpt from The Daily Mail_]

**Remus Lupin Charged With Drug Possession and Assault **

Last night, Remus Lupin was stopped by the London police for a routine inspection. A fight broke out and he was soon arrested for assault of a police officer along with possession of a controlled substance after cocaine was found in his pockets. The modern day Sid Vicious didn't make the inspection easy. Reports say Remus was putting up a fight and cursing when asked to undergo the search and eventually punched and kicked two police officers. No one was seriously injured but it was obvious that Remus was under the influence the entire time.

There was an accomplice with Remus but the man was unable to be identified before he ran away when trouble erupted. Remus' bail is posted as £35,000.

* * *

It was an odd day. Alice was sure of it. There she was, 9 AM in the morning, walking outside. She didn't even technically have any work or studio time booked. So, Alice was having a rather nice morning walking through the streets of Camden. To celebrate the occasion, she was planning on getting some breakfast at one of her favourite places. Her early morning buzz was cut short when she saw a familiar face. Frankie Bloody Long.

"What the hell? Are you stalking me now?" Demanded Alice, crossing her arms. She was wearing an oversized sweater today and was glad of it. It was really annoying how he tended to talk to her chest rather than her face.

"This is a public place. Can't I just enjoy the morning without having you assume I followed you here?" Frank said innocently. In his defense, this really was a coincidence. He didn't sleep well that night and thought a walk would do him good. While he knew that Alice happened to live near the area, he didn't expect to run into her.

"If this is what happens in the morning, then I don't ever want to wake up until after 11."

"11 is still morning you know." Corrected Frank, unable to stop himself.

"Shut up!" Alice exclaimed, about to place more verbal abuse on him when her mobile rang. She was a little surprised to see that caller ID was her manager.

"Hey Tara, what's up?" Answered Alice, turning away from Frank. Unashamedly, Frank listened in on her side of the conversation.

"Alice, I have bad news." Tara sounded grave but Alice couldn't think of what would be so pressing. They weren't being dropped from their label were they?

"Bad news?"

"It's about Remus."

"If it's about destroying public property, that's normal for him." While Tara was better than Dung, she didn't have his criminal background and knowledge. Sometimes the things the band members did took her by surprise.

"No, he, he was arrested last night. Um, I just got the call this morning. They said something about assaulting a police officer and that he was under the influence of cocaine. He had, oh I don't remember how many grams on him but bail's set at £35,000."

"_What_?" Alice didn't know what to make of this. While she felt the obligatory panic, she didn't know Remus' side of the story. This could all be just blown out of proportion. At least she hoped.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what to do. I think I may be able to come up with the sum for bail but I need to ask around a bit more."

"Have you called Lily and Dorcas?"

"Yeah but it went straight to voice mail."

"Keep trying them, I'll go over and try to sort it out best I can. Where are they keeping him?" She didn't know how she was going to help but she'd find a way.

Meanwhile, on Frank's end, the conversation seemed interesting. From what he could tell there was some sort of emergency. Possibly about public property. When Alice got off the phone though, she seemed a little lost.

"Alice? Everything all right?" Frank tried, expecting her to tell him to fuck off.

"Um, Remus was arrested and I need to come up with £35,000 for bail."

"He what? What did he do for that much?"

"She, my manager said it was assaulting a PC and cocaine possession but something doesn't seem right about this. I haven't really seen Remus for a while. He was having a rough time after he broke up with-" Alice broke off and Frank put his hands on her shoulders to try and get her attention focused on something.

"Hey, hey, it's going to be okay." He assured but she broke free of him and just shook her head.

"No, no it's not. I need to get the money somehow. I…I need to get over there."

"Alice, look at me, I'll help you okay. You don't need to panic." Said Frank in the most reassuring way possible He didn't know what she was going to do and he wanted to make sure she didn't makes things worse for her and Remus.

"No, you don't need to-"

"I said don't worry. It's nothing to me."

"But it's everything to me." Insisted Alice but within a few minutes, Frank was able to talk her down enough to give him the address that they needed to get to. After he was sure she was going to stay put for a moment, he went to work trying to find a cab.

* * *

Tears were steaming down Lily's face as she waited for James to pull up near her flat. When he could, James would try and hold her hand in his. Earlier, she had gotten a message from Tara that Remus was in jail for assault and possession then another message confirming that Alice had paid his bail and left him in their flat. Right now, she didn't want to even think about how Alice got the money but she knew she needed to find a way to pay her back. Remus needed her and Lily wasn't there. She knew that he was going downhill but she just ignored her the signs. When she saw Remus, she knew he was getting skinnier and that he must have been on some drug but no one believed her and eventually she began to doubt herself.

"It's all my fault!" Lily continued to sob. "I knew what was happening and I didn't do anything about it!"

"It's not your fault. Lily, you couldn't do anything." James assured but it did nothing to make Lily feel any better.

"I _saw_ him getting so skinny and coked out of his mind but I was so scared. I just thought that if I'd ignored it, he'd be back to his old self soon. God, I was so _stupid_. What will I say to him when I see him?"

"Now stop that, you couldn't have known this was going to happen." James was a few minutes away from her flat now.

"But it's my fa-"

"Stop it Lily, it's not your fault. It's his for getting mixed up in all this. Maybe, this is a good thing."

"A good thing? How the hell could this be a good thing?"

"Well, for one thing, he's probably going to get help and when he goes to jail, it may do him some good. Help him get things into perspective."

"What? What are you on about?" Lily demanded, wiping the tears off her cheeks and blowing her nose.

"I'm just saying, maybe he'll straighten out and stop being such an idiot about things. I mean really, assaulting an officer? He should know better." James reasoned as he pulled up in front of the flat.

"What the fuck is your problem with Remus? You never liked him did you?" Accused Lily and even James had to admit what he was saying was a little bitter and bias.

"All right, you want to know the truth? No I didn't. He fucked up Sirius' life and now my best friend is god knows where and has refused to make any contact with me for way too long. So yeah, I think he needs to get his life straightened out and not fuck up other people's lives. He's putting all this stress on you right now."

"James, the only person who fucked up Siruis' life, is _Sirius_. He didn't have the balls to stand up and admit that he was gay and when he was outed, he couldn't take it and blamed Remus. So before you make your friend out to be a saint, remember that _he_ fucked up Remus' life by being a huge wanker."

"Now-"

"No James, you listen to me," Lily demanded, she turned in her seat to face him and fixed him with an angry stare that makes James shut his mouth. "James, I love you but you're really a fucking berk at times. You know I'm glad you had an amazing childhood but not everyone else did and you can't assume we're all going to be as clean cut and lovers of the police force like you. My parents were drunkards for most of my life before they died. Remus never knew his father. We were both hungry for a good portion of our lives or didn't have heat in the winter or just had shitty lives. We had nothing. You know what we did to try and ignore the pain of that? Whatever we could. Writing songs, hanging out with friends and yes, doing drugs. Not everything is black and white so don't you dare go thinking you can just judge us for the things we've done and may still do.

"You need to get over what ever you have against Remus because he's not going away. He's my best friend and he dated your best friend. If you can't deal with Remus, then it's not gonna work with us."

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" James choked out in fear. His heart was beating against his ribcage at the thought.

"No I'm giving you a warning. Get that stick out of your arse and start being a better person. You know what? I'm done with you right now." Finished Lily, taking off her seat belt and stepping out of the car. She slammed the door with vengeance and made her way towards her apartment.

"Lily!" James called after her. Taking a deep breath, he jumped out of the car to chase after her. He was not going to lose the girl of his dreams over something as stupid as this. Yeah he might not like Remus but he was willing to work on it given the ultimatum.

"I'll talk to you when I don't have the irresistible urge to knock you out." Lily said opening her front door and walking through. The door was slammed but James had hope that it wasn't as vindictive as the car door slam. Not wanting to leave yet, James rested his head on the door with a groan of anger. This was stupid. He was being stupid, he knew that. He should have just supported Lily instead of trying to justify any dislike he had. Where was his anger really founded when it came to Remus? Remus was snarky and other than telling Skeeter about Sirius' sexuality, seemed to really care about Sirius. James was just being overprotective of Sirius but that apparently wasn't working because Sirius up and left without telling him.

A scream brought James out of his thoughts and he started to pound on the door.

"Lily? Lily are you all right?"

"Oh god Remus! No!" Lily continued to scream and James tried his best to open the door but it had been locked. His heart rose up to his throat and James prayed to any god that would listen to keep her safe. It didn't matter who was right or not, he would give anything to have Lily forgive him. To have her safe in his arms.

The door was wrenched open and James saw Lily. Her face had fresh tears falling, mixing with blood. There was blood on her knees, shirt and hands and James felt himself start to shake.

"Call an ambulance, Remus- oh god there's so much blood!" Lily sobbed before going back to help her friend. James dialed the number on his mobile and followed her. The next 15 minutes were a blur. He remembered something about telling the operator on the line where they were and that someone had slit their wrists and wasn't responding. There was blood all over the bathroom tiles, seeping from Remus' pale, skinny body. Somehow before the paramedics came, James must have wrapped towels around Remus' wrists. Maybe he had been the one to place the makeshift tourniquets on his arms, James didn't remember. He thinks Lily had picked up the phone and heard the operator suggesting it. All James knew was that any prejudice he had against Remus disappeared when James did all he could to stop the blood.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N**: Hey guys, this one isn't as horrible of a cliff hanger as the last two chapters. Enjoy! As always, your comments are love.  
**A/N2:** The songs in the fic I give to Sirius are Time Of My Life by Patrick Wolf, Void by Darren Hayes and Someone Like You by Adele. I picked them mostly because of the lyrics but they're also some of my fave songs. For the Adele video, I sort of copied what was already done for Someone Like You. I also added some of what she described what the song was about to her. I made up a video concept for the other two songs though.  
**A/N3**: If you're interested, I'd imagine Sirius to sound like Johnathon Groff (or Jessie Saint James in Glee).

**Disclaimer**: All songs belong to the respective musicians and record labels.

* * *

The smell of bleach permeated the air but as far as Lily was concerned, it was better than the iron tang it had replaced. James offered to call in a cleaner but Lily wouldn't have it. It was a penance for her. While James hated to see her punish herself like this, he knew it was best to keep quiet about it. Instead, James had put on a pair of yellow rubber gloves and joined Lily on the tiled floor to try and get all the blood out of the grout in between the tiles. They had been able to get most of it clean but there were still a few stubborn areas.

It must have been an hour and a half since they left the hospital. James was somehow able to convince Lily to leave after spending about three hours. Most of that time had been spent crying silently with her two other band mates. Remus was in critical but stable condition yet nothing could change that, no matter how long Lily insisted on sitting around. James was just relieved that Remus was still alive. If he had died…well James didn't want to think about that now. Lily wouldn't have been the only one devastated. All James wanted was another chance at getting to know Remus. Right now, all they could do was wait for Dorcas and Alice's phone call indicating any change in his condition. Hopefully it would only be good news.

"Nothing we can do to convince Alice it wasn't her fault huh?" James mentioned eventually. When Alice arrived at the hospital, she had been sobbing and apologising to everyone in the room. She was so guilty for leaving Remus, insisting that she shouldn't have listened when he said he just wanted to be left alone for a nap.

"No, but then again I sort of blame myself as well so I can't judge." Lily answered with a sniffle. She had shed all the tears she could by now and was too exhausted to cry any more.

"Lily, I know you don't want to hear any more apologies but I'm sorry for what I said in the car earlier. It was out of line and I was angry because of Sirius and was taking it out on Remus- wrongfully that is. And you're right, I can be a privileged dick." Offered James.

"I know but for some reason I still love you so you can't be all that bad." A small smile was on her lips and James couldn't help but think how nice it was to see one again.

"I, I want to make it up to you, and Remus though he may not realise why I'm doing it," James admitted, resisting the urge to mess up his hair like he normally did when he was unsure. "He can use my lawyer for court. Or I can get him a better lawyer."

"Thanks James. Now, if he wakes up-"

"_When_ he wakes up." James corrected, causing Lily to close her eyes and nod.

"When he wakes up, we'll just have to convince him to use your lawyer. He can be a real stubborn arse. Too much pride."

"You punks are all the same." James teased, hoping it wasn't too soon. Lily started to laugh but it became a strangled sob. Taking her gloved hand in his, James looked Lily straight in the eye.

"Hey, it's going to be all right. We'll figure it out." Promised James. Before Lily replied, she heard her mobile ring. It was muffled but still audible and Lily realised she must have left it in the pocket of the bloodied jeans she had changed out of. Quickly taking off her gloves, she rushed to answer.

"Hello? Alice?"

"Lily, Remus just woke up."

* * *

It wasn't really happy days for Kingsley Shacklebolt, James had decided to help his girlfriend's friend in legal matters, Peter was busy with TV gigs and Sirius was…misplaced. Kingsley was still organising Peter's TV appearances but it still didn't make up for the fact that the band he was in charge of didn't seem so much like a band right now. Being a manager for such a high profile band was stressful and all the additional tasks he chose to take on for them only added to it but Kingsley enjoyed the pressure. He didn't know what to do without it sometimes. So when there were lags like this, he was sort of bored and a little disappointed. There was something about being a manager on tour that he enjoyed. It could have been the travelling or having to deal with problems that suddenly arose within seconds but it was certainly a job that was made for Kingsley. Despite all the stress, he had to admit he enjoyed seeing The Marauders smile.

Just as Kingsley was considering maybe picking up another small band- until The Marauders sorted themselves out of course- he got a buzz from his secretary.

"Mr. Shacklebolt, Sirius Black is on line one."

At the name, Kingsley perked up immensely. For a moment, his hand hovered over the buzzer system. A part of him was skeptical over the possibility that this could also be a prank.

"Thanks Stacey," Kingsley said finally before picking up the phone. "Sirius?"

"Hey Kingsley. How's everything?" Sirius asked and Kingsley automatically knew it was the one and only guitarist of The Marauders.

"Sirius? Is that really you?"

"Yeah. It is."

"Where have you been?" Asked Kingsley, it felt almost strange to be talking to him again.

"Canada actually. I bought a small place in Vancouver. Just been enjoying the fresh air and salmon." Sirius tried to joke but his heart wasn't in it. He knew he was in a lot of trouble with Kingsley. "Look, I'm really sorry about taking off."

"I understand. Doesn't mean I'm not angry with you but I can sort of understand why you did it. But please, humour me. Why did you really do it?"

"I did it because…because I couldn't take it anymore." Sirius still wasn't sure of the best way to explain why he had left and so started to ramble. "I wasn't over Remus and the tabloids were starting to get to me and things weren't working out with Erik and I just kept pretending it was all right. Then I couldn't handle it and I needed to get away from everyone-"

"Okay, calm down. You're better now right?" Kingsley asked- just to make sure. It wouldn't do to have Sirius scampering off again after a few months.

"Yeah. Much. Thanks and I think I have a way to make this up to you. The disappearing that is."

"Do you now?" Kingsley was intrigued now.

"Remember when we talked about me doing a short solo stint?"

"Go on." It had been a conversation they had a while back before any break up rumours started up. Sirius wasn't too fond of the idea of going solo but Kingsley said that if James and Peter ever got interested in working more on their side projects then Sirius should consider it. Sirius certainly had a loyal enough fan base for it.

"Well I wrote the album all ready. Hoping to go down to LA to do the final recordings next week. I sent you a CD of it and it should be arriving sometime today. Let me know what you think and we can talk about the details."

Kingsley quickly wrote down the number where he could reach Sirius and assured him that once the got through the album, they would talk. They hung up- Kingsley anticipating the CD and Sirius trying to build the courage to call James.

Within an hour, Sirius decided to go for it before he lost all of his nerve. As the mobile started to ring, Sirius wondered idly if James would bother to pick up a number he didn't recognise. A couple of long rings later and James answered.

"Hello?"

"James, it's Sirius."

There was a long pause from James and Sirius started to worry that he would just hang up all together. If Sirius happened to be in the room with James, he would have known that James was mouthing out to Lily who it was before receiving a stony glare from her.

"It's been a while." James answered matter-of-factly. It was hard to tell from his voice whether he was more angry or hurt.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." Sirius apologized sheepishly. There wasn't much more he could really say that would make it okay with James. Their relationship had been a little thinned when Remus entered their lives and Sirius hoped his leaving wasn't a final straw for James.

"So, where've you been? I'm sure you've got loads to tell me." Again, Sirius wasn't sure how James was feeling with Sirius' sudden arrival back into his life.

"Canada. Vancouver to be exact. James, I'm really sorry about my leaving like that. I know you want to hear excuses but I really needed it and it did me good."

"That's good to hear mate. So you planning on staying there or thinking about coming back?" James was upset with Sirius for quite a few reasons. The first one was for him leaving and not telling him. The second was for making James sort out the residual mess and forcing him to be the one to tell Peter, Kingsley and Frank what had happened.. Third was how Sirius handled things with Remus. James had started to talk to Remus more once he had woken up and tried to figure out the legal mess he was in. Now that James was a little more open to hearing Remus' side of the story, he wasn't sure he liked how Sirius had treated Remus in the end. If James couldn't be around while numerous blokes tried to feel up Lily, he was sure that their relationship would start to wane thin too. Fourthly, Lily wanted to punch Sirius and James was a little afraid to argue with her right now.

"Of course I'm coming back. James, please don't be like this. I needed time to think on my own and to do that I had to get away from everyone. I'm not all that proud with what happened. Starting with Remus and up to some of the things I did in Canada but I had to get it all out of my system. You know how I bottle things up. I felt like I couldn't even write songs about it for the longest time. Look, maybe this isn't something I should be explaining on the phone. I'm going to be in LA next week to finish recording an album I wrote. My first solo album if you're interested. If you're not busy, I'd be honoured if you came and helped me out. Maybe you'd start to understand why I did it if you listened to the songs."

At that, James felt his anger start to waver. Sirius sounded to earnest and sincere, not that James didn't know deep down it was all true. He looked up at Lily, who had her hands on her hips. As angry as she might be to hear James was going to LA, he knew that she would be able to handle most of the legal matters with Remus. Besides, even if Sirius seemed better, he still needed James. But this time he was asking for help and that was worth more to James. Taking a tone that was more reminiscent of past times spent with Sirius, James answered back.

"Things you're not proud of in Canada? Do I want to know what that means? You didn't upset some Canadians did you?"

"Well I had some one night stands. So maybe they're upset I didn't call back." Sirius admitted with a small laugh. "I even picked them up at clubs. You know the kinds that Frank likes. With loud music, dim lighting and lots of alcohol. But with half naked blokes, not birds."

"How did you keep under the radar if you slept with strangers in clubs?" James didn't really believe Sirius went out to clubs. He could also feel the daggers shooting from Lily's gaze at the mention that Sirius was sleeping with others.

"Cut your hair and use an alias and no one suspects anything. But you'd be surprised how easy it is to convince a drunk man that you're not who you really are."

"Yeah, tell me about it when I see you in LA, okay?" James wouldn't believe it until he had proof. Then again, Sirius seemed to be doing a lot of things that James wouldn't have thought he'd do. He wasn't sure if it was more good than bad but he did know that Sirius had only started to change after he'd met Remus. It was strange to think of the power that Sirius and Remus had over each other. And it was still there, even if they weren't directly involved in the other's lives.

It was as if Sirius would always have Remus in the back of his head, like the whispering of a conscious. Maybe that was why Sirius had to leave. The voice had gotten so loud that he couldn't pretend it wasn't there anymore. He needed to try and hush it or maybe just needed time to learn and live with it. James wondered if Remus had gone through the same thing but went to drugs as a method to silence the voice.

It's also possible that wasn't how it was at all for them. James was still trying to figure out what had really driven the two towards their own utter destructions. Lately, James had a bit more faith in destiny. It was always his belief that if you were with someone you were fated to be with, then they would help you change for the better. Sure there may be something you start to do or say that you never wanted to but most of it would be good for you. From what he was seeing, both Sirius and Remus were changing for the better.

* * *

[Excerpt from The Huffington Post]

**Bella Donna Guitarist Released From Jail**

It seems luck is on Remus Lupin's side- or at least a good lawyer. After only seven days in prison, Lupin, the guitarist of British punk band Bella Donna, has been released and sent to St. Mungo's Rehabilitation Centre. Recently, Lupin was charged with assault of a police officer and drug possession. Soon after he was released on bail though, he attempted suicide. Lupin's lawyer was able to get judges to agree to a much shorter sentence under the argument of mental instability. His initial sentence of two years in prison was talked down to a week in prison, a large fine and an extended amount of time in a court approved rehabilitation centre.

It is unknown how long Lupin will stay in the centre. His release is only guaranteed if doctors decide that he is no longer a threat to himself and others. Once he is released, Lupin will likely be on probation and must complete up to 200 hours of community service.

* * *

[Excerpt from Rolling Stone's interview with Sirius Black]

_**Rolling Stone**_: Does you're solo album mark the end of your time in The Marauders?

_**Sirius Black**_: No, not at all. We have plans to start writing the album in the next week and then will start recording after my album is released though that release date hasn't been officially decided on yet.

_**RS**_: Why the solo project? Are these just songs that were rejected by the other Marauder members?

_**SB**_: No. I've recently gone through a really tough period. Um, I tried a lot of things to get over it before just sitting down and writing songs. See, I had been trying to get over things by just buying a lot of somewhat exotic instruments and learning to play them. Course it didn't help until I faced it all on the piano. It's not all going to be strictly piano ballads it but all the songs started on the piano.

_**RS:**_ Do you find writing songs on guitar differs from writings songs on the piano? Or even the newer instruments you bought?

_**SB**_: Yeah. There's something about the piano for me. Something about pianos that have a lot of power over emotions. It helped fuel and soothe the melancholy and rage I was feeling. I can pound on the keys and shout to my heart's content and still feel like I recorded something that sounds decent. And what I was feeling- it was too much to try and write a song with the guitar or a lyre or a kaossilator . I just needed to scream and hit to get things out so I could muster the courage to just go outside.

_**RS**_: Bit harder to break a piano than a lyre?

_**SB**_: Yeah I suppose. I wrote all these songs in a short period of time. When I first started to write them I never thought it would amount to an album.

_**RS**_: How would you say this album differs in sound to a typical Maurader's album?

_**SB**_: There's a more experimental element to it. A lot more string instruments and the various things I learned to play during my time in isolation. Though I tried to keep things simple.

_**RS**_: Are you planning on touring for this album?

_**SB**_: Not really. We may do a video for the first single but I don't see much else. Though if the album does well in the charts I may do a few small shows in London.

* * *

**Rita Skeeter Exclusive**

_**Sirius Black's New Album Shows He's Not Over Erik Kjeldsson**_

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and that seems to be the case with Sirius Black. As stated in past interviews, Sirius has been going through rough times though he never elaborates on what has been troubling him. Some think his break up with Erik Kjeldsson was tougher on the singer than previously thought. The writing of his successful solo album, _The Time Of My Life_, only started after his relationship with Erik ended. For most artists, the first single shows us the general sounds or themes of the whole album. For Sirius, this would be his successful title track _Time Of My Life. _And believe me when I say that this song certainly tells us about his relationship with Erik. I'd like to direct my readers to the line in the beginning where Sirius sings "long distance spread between us" and suggest that this hints at Erik's directing in Iceland that may have had a huge part in their breaking up.

More of my in-depth analysis of Sirius' _Time Of My Life_ lyrics as well lyrics can be found below…

* * *

[Excerpt from The Boston Globe]

**Sirius Black Solo Album Goes Platinum **

It's only one week after the release of Sirius Black's first solo album, _The Time Of My Life_, but its popularity is obvious. Already, the album has gone Platinum and Black has mentioned new plans of music videos and tours. It seems to be a blessing for the musician who seemed to have disappeared after his sexuality was announced unexpectedly and a rocky relationship with actor Erik Kjeldsson ended. Black moved from his multi-million dollar London apartment to a comparatively small complex in what was recently confirmed to be Vancouver, Canada.

_The Time Of My Life _is to date, Black's most telling album. In it, he recounts the turmoil and aftermath of a relationship. This may not be a new topic in music but it is the first album Black has released in which he addresses his sexuality, however briefly. The album was written by Black in his Canadian home. Black states he "ended up buying all different sorts instruments and learning how to play them to forget about [his] ex" until he finally sat down at a piano and started to compose songs that would later be on the album.

While many are claiming the album is about Erik Kjeldsson, Sirius has stated in interviews that it is not about the actor. The subject of the album is only known to be an ex-boyfriend of Sirius. Yesterday, it was confirmed via Sirius' official website that within a week they will begin shooting the music video for the second single, _Void_. Due to the success of his solo project, Sirius has decided to tour more extensively than previously stated. Tour dates and tickets can be found on his links below.

* * *

[Excerpt from Digital Spy]

**Special Treat For Celestina Warbeck Fans**

At a recent show in Madrid, Celestina surprised fans when a special guest joined her onstage. The guest was Sirius Black and towards the end of her show, he joined her in a special piano duet of _The One That Got Away_. A number of videos of the special performance have been uploaded to YouTube, with one of them reaching three million hits within twenty-four hours.

* * *

[Excerpt from Spin Magazine's interview with Sirius Black]

_**Spin**_: The videos for your first two singles, _Time Of My Life _and _Void_, were pretty high in production value. Particularly in comparison to the music video for _Someone Like You_ Can you talk a bit about your videos? Why the change with this latest one?

_**Sirius Black**_: Well there's more to those songs in terms of instruments and production. I wanted each video to mirror the song itself to some extent. _Time Of My Life_ is that time after a break up where you still feel everything around you is collapsing but you're trying to tell yourself that you can make it through. So the video for that had me walking through a house with small explosions going on around me in slow motion. On the other hand, _Void_ was a lot more about the abject pain you feel right after a relationship ends and we had interpretive dancers with projections designed by Frieder Wiess. _Someone Like You_ is a simple piano ballad and we wanted the video to be stripped down, much like the song itself. So it's one shot, black and white and the camera is following me as I walk through a street in Paris.

_**Spin**_: I see, so as the songs become more about the bare emotion, the videos became more about simplicity.

_**SB**_: Exactly. It's not about overshadowing the song but allowing it to be seen in it's full potential.

_**Spin:**_ That's a great way to approach music videos and not one that you might see nowadays where everyone wants to put as much money into a video as possible. I know you have been getting quite a number of praises from critics discussing the video's simplicity and the raw emotion behind it.

_**SB**_: Yeah, I normally try to shy away from reading anything to do with me if I can help it but my manager showed me those in particular and I couldn't help myself.

_**Spin**_: Now speaking of the emotion behind the video- you'll probably be asked this quite a bit in coming interviews but about halfway through the video, we see you start to cry. Were those real tears? What made you cry?

_**SB**_: Yes, I did end up crying during one of the takes. Didn't think they were going to use it but it works I have to admit. Honestly, going through the song over and over with all those takes and finally the realisation of it all hit. It's one of the last songs I wrote for the album and it's me just admitting that I did love him and I'm sorry things didn't work out. I had a fear one day that maybe in 20 years I'd still be alone and not over it. While he'd have moved on and found someone to settle down with who was better than me and could give him everything I couldn't but wished I could. I had been so busy using song writing as an outlet for emotions but there wasn't much retrospection about the experiences until that point. That relationship and the demise of it were very important in many aspects of my life. Without it, I wouldn't be talking as much in this interview as I am now. Without it, I wouldn't have come out publicly when I did.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**: Another chapter! Your comments really help motivate me guys. Thanks always. Hope you enjoy. Hmmm, did you expect the ending of this one? ;p  
**A/N2 [song facts]**: The songs used in this fic are Mercy Fuck by Mary Prankster and Dearly Beloved from Green Day. Dearly Beloved is actually a short bit from the longer song Jesus of Suburbia. Let's pretend for this fic it's a bit longer than a minute or so. I've heard some lovely acoustic versions of the chords for this song and thought it suited the situation. Oh, little known fact: music video of Jesus of Suburbia helped inspire punk!Remus.  
**Disclaimer**: All songs and characters belong to their owners.

* * *

It was a subject that James wanted to bring up. No, it was one that he _knew_ needed to be brought up. Lily and James both decided that while she would take care of Remus, James would take care of Sirius. That included talking to them about the relationship that had ended so horribly. They weren't planning on getting the two back together again but they at least had a base goal of getting them on amiable terms. Also, with Remus now having to go to therapy, exploring his feelings about Sirius seemed to be something that was bound to happen whether he wanted it or not.

But when it came to talking with Sirius, there just never seemed to be a good time to bring up the topic of Remus. During James' first meet up with Sirius in L.A., he was just so relieved to see Sirius in such high spirits. He wasn't the _same_ Sirius before the mess this started but he was healed and so happy to be back in the recording studio. Sirius had mentioned some of the reason why he had gotten better was his cutting off any ties to his celebrity life, including tabloid stories. James assumed his friend knew nothing of Remus and it wasn't likely those stories had made their way into Canadian tabloid magazines resting near the grocery cash registers. While James was tempted to start up a conversation about Lily and segue into Remus, he decided that might not be the best topic their first day. He had a feeling that Sirius was also tempted to ask but knew it was better not to. Sirius wanted to refrain from telling James what had happened in Canada until James listened to the songs he wrote so all real talk of events leading to his original departure were held for the time being.

Fortunately that didn't take long as they had headed to the recording studio the second day James was in Los Angeles. Sirius had already worked on some of the instrumentals for his songs. They would wait until Sirius recorded some vocals before James started with his input but James didn't really want add much to the songs. He could already tell they didn't need his opinions. This album was straight from Sirius' heart- _his_ tears and blood. James wanted it to stay that way and not have it sound like a Marauders production.

Then Sirius recorded the vocals for Void and James suddenly realised what Sirius had been trying to tell him about the break up and why he had left and even what Sirius had done for his first couple weeks in Canada. It only took one take to get the main vocals for that song but in those three and a half minutes, James knew that Sirius had suffered enough. It would do him good to live without weight on his shoulders for a bit longer. James _would_ tell Sirius, but not right now.

And so James spent the whole time in L.A. pretending he knew nothing about Remus when he was actually texting moral support to Lily during rough patches of the leftover legal tangle that had been picked up by them. He tried to pretend he didn't see the longing ache in Sirius' eyes when he had realised all the calls and messages were from Lily. James didn't want to know if the longing was from wanting to ask how Remus was doing or if Sirius missed having someone to constantly text little nothings to.

But their time in the recording studio ended and eventually they parted ways for a few weeks until the label approved of the new album. James continued to tell himself that he was going to tell Sirius but then the album shot to number one and Sirius started making music videos and it seemed such a shame to ruin his moment.

* * *

"So, how's the guitar treating you?" Lily asked Remus. They were sitting in the common room of the mental ward Remus had been moved to after he finished the rehab program. Until they were able to get a doctor to check off his mental stability, Remus wasn't going to be let out. When the girls visited him on his first day, the nurses had insisted that Remus shouldn't be allowed near the guitar Alice had brought him. They left angry but Lily soon got a call stating he would be allowed to play it during common hours under watchful eyes. Lily had a feeling James bribed someone after she complained to him.

"I haven't used the strings to hang myself so I guess the nurses are relieved about that," Remus stated sarcastically.

"You know when you're getting out?" Lily tried once again. Remus obviously was not amused that he had been stuck in this place. As such, he was being as uncooperative as he could without being forced into 24-hour surveillance. Normally, Lily would say on with the anarchy but she just wanted Remus to get out. While James may have pulled some strings in order to ensure Remus only spent a minimum in prison and now had a guitar when other patients had nothing, he wasn't going to be able to get Remus out of this particular situation. There was a part of James that felt this was the best thing for Remus and Lily saw that beneath James' eyes. Right now, she was still holding off on telling Remus how involved James had been in the whole process because it would piss him off. Remus never liked feeling as if he owed anyone anything, at least people he didn't know well.

All James and Lily wanted was for Remus and Sirius to at least talk things over and that wouldn't happen while Remus was in a psychiatric ward and Sirius was...well being a big hissy diva. But James was going to be the one taking care of Sirius and now it was up to Lily to take care of Remus. She should have been doing a better job to prevent all this anyway.

"No. Doc wanted me to write a song and express myself. He didn't like my song though."

"What did you sing?" Asked Lily, equal parts amused and exasperated.

"Haven't decided on a name officially but I'm liking Mercy Fuck," Remus said, starting to play the chords of the songs before he started a short rendition of it for Lily. "I wish I could fuck all of you till you see, I don't need your mercy fuck sympathy. Fuck your words and your prayers. Fuck your stares and my cares. Fuck it all till I learn."

"While you may be digging yourself into a deeper hole, I kind of like it," admitted Lily. While it wasn't going to help his cause, it had potential. And it was good to see Remus still retained his musical abilities rather than losing it from the constant drug use.

"Alice helped me out a bit with it the other day when she visited."

"Of course," Lily rolled her eyes before changing the topic. "So has there been anything useful or life altering you've gained from the experience here?"

"My mum visited me yesterday," Remus mentioned, making Lily's eyebrows shoot up. She was aware of the relationship he shared with his mother.

"What happened?"

"She cried a lot. Blamed herself. Normal stuff. We...talked quite a bit. I think more than we ever talked since I was a kid." Remus shrugged, not really wanting to divulge in everything he had said with his mum and that made sense. He seemed to be hesitant and unsure when he mentioned her.

"So it went well?"

"Yeah, I guess. Not like I'm going back to being her perfect baby boy. Obviously talked about me getting my life sorted. Stop trying to destroy myself. Then started going on about my tattoos. So yeah, not much has changed huh?"

"At least she still cares?" Offered Lily and their conversation lulled into a silence after Remus shrugged again. He started to examine the frets of the guitar and she had a feeling he was trying to build up to something. From what Lily remembered Remus telling her of his mother, it wasn't that she was a horrible mother per se. What drove Remus away was that they simply did not understand each other. Ava Lupin tried too much and Remus had to get away from her smothering nature. She cared about Remus more than anything but he was all she had left and it drove Remus mad because he simply didn't want to be that. He couldn't be the man of the house. He hated his father and didn't understand why Ava couldn't find it in herself to hate him too. How could she still be loving and optimistic with all the shit life had given her? How could she love Remus _still_ after he had left her so many times like his father had? The idea of Ava seeing the same despicable things in Remus that his father might have had and loving those traits along with everything else made Remus want to scream.

"Hey Lils. You think you'd forgive your parents if they asked? After all that shit they put you through. You know, if they were still alive, could you forgive them?" Remus asked, surprising Lily for a moment. She thought about it and knew the answer now might not have been the same a year ago.

"Yeah, you know I think I would. We can blame our parents as much as we want for how fucked up we are but not like that will change anything now. Right?"

"Yeah. Guess," supposed Remus but Lily could see there was something more behind it all. She just wasn't sure what. Was he forgiving his mother? His deadbeat father? Dare she even think about Sirius? Before she thought too much about it, Remus started to play around on the guitar. This time the tune was lighter than the song before.

"Dearly beloved are you listening? I can't remember a word that you were saying. Are we demented or am I disturbed? That space that's in between insane and insecure."

As if they were back in their living room, bouncing song ideas off of each other, Lily's fingers itched to be improving on a bass. Instead, she did the next best thing and hummed a backing tune as he continued. Lily saw a small smile on his face.

"Oh therapy, can you please fill the void? Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed? Nobody's perfect and I stand accused. For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse." They continued like that for a bit longer and eventually noticed there was a tiny audience gathering. When they ended, there was a short round of applause and eventually they dispersed, much to the relief of both Remus and Lily. Though it was nice to see that the patients at a mental facility approved of the song. Perhaps that indicated good future ratings.

"I miss him Lily," Remus suddenly whispered and one look at his face was all it took for Lily to know who he was talking about. There was pain and love and longing all rolled into one tragic expression. "No matter how many times I tell myself I don't, I still do."

"I know. And I don't know if it helps or if you even believe me but he misses you too." For a split second, there was hope in Remus' eyes but it was quickly replaced with skepticism.

"Last I checked he was shagging fit foreign actors."

"He does miss you. Trust me." There was still disbelief in Remus' eyes and Lily bit her lip in thought about whether or not the thing she was going to do would help or destroy any progress he had made. Deciding he would find out about it when he got out and that it was best that any relapse from it would occur in a more secure environment, Lily sat next to Remus and took out her mobile.

"Oh, fancy. Did lover boy get you that?" Remus asked, looking at the iPhone.

"Just watch," Lily instructed, pulling up the latest music videos from Sirius Black.

* * *

The success of his solo album sometimes baffled Sirius. There was no doubt that he was proud of every track on the album. Each track had quality and substance but they were also a little out of the ordinary in terms of what played on most radio stations or conquered the charts. He didn't want to suggest that he wasn't pleased with the response to his songs but there were a number of times on stages in the tour where he'd look out at the huge crowd and be simply amazed at the number of people who attended. What made it even stranger was not having James or Peter around. Sirius had missed them being there but he knew that it was something he needed to go through alone for this particular album and for these songs that he had been singing every night.

His UK tour had ended and Sirius was scheduled to fly to the US soon to start shows there. There was about a two-week gap between the two tours and while Sirius wouldn't have minded going straight into performing shows in the US, Kingsley insisted on him having a short break. This was due mostly to the fact it was Sirius' birthday and Kingsley wanted to make sure Sirius enjoyed himself a little, not that Sirius was asking Kingsley to worry the amount of fun he had.

Sirius didn't want a huge bother for his twenty-seventh birthday but Frank ended up being the one to put together his bash. Early on, there were assurances from Frank for an intimate get together but the number of guests at Sirius' party had swelled to a size that Sirius wasn't all to sure he was comfortable with. In the end (or perhaps it had been his intention all along), Frank had decided to host it at a club and defended the long guest list by saying there needed to be a certain minimum of people. It seemed that everyone was having fun though so Sirius couldn't complain.

So far, there was nothing that Sirius was going to hold against Frank. They'd officially made up a while ago but Sirius couldn't help but sense Frank was feeling particularly guilty. About what though, Sirius wasn't sure. Either way, the guest list had a number of eligible bachelors for Sirius to meet and once they arrived at the party, had special instructions to walk over to Sirius' table. It was a nice gesture. A little too much like a prostitute line up for Sirius' tastes but he continued to humour Frank.

"Too bad about you and Erik, he was an okay bloke." Frank was telling Sirius. They were sitting at a table with James and Peter and were relatively safe to talk candidly.

"I told you, that wasn't much of anything. I'm not disappointed," insisted Sirius. Most people only knew the basics of his and Erik's relationship and Sirius wanted it to stay that way.

"Still, you need a new guy in your life. See anyone here you liked?" Continued Frank, eager to try and set Sirius on a date.

"Maybe. I don't know. We'll see how the night goes yeah?" Sirius answered a little distractedly. He wasn't expecting to find anyone nor did he want to.

"Is that a confirmation that you're not going to be boring and actually stay till at least 1 AM?"

"We'll see Frank."

"That's the spirit! I'm going to go see about a few things," Frank said before leaving the table and weaving through the mass of people. The rest of the men chatted but Sirius wasn't feeling that invested in the conversation. This had been happening a lot. Certain thoughts still plagued him and that worried Sirius. He thought after the cathartic album he'd be somewhat closer to being over the punk but he still didn't feel like he was even close to forgetting him. In theory, singing songs about the break up every night might not be the best way to go about getting over Remus. Normally though, Sirius would sing the songs that he had written so many times that he'd become a little desensitized to the subject that might have tormented him previously. It didn't seem to be the case with this album.

"So where's Lily?" Peter asked James, catching Sirius' wandering thoughts.

"Oh you know, I tried to get her to come but she hates these sorts of parties. She said she was recording some demos late tonight but I think that was an excuse to not come. What about Celestina?" James answered, trying to keep his eyes from shifting towards Sirius in order to see his reaction.

"Wanted to come but she's touring again. Sirius, she sends her love of course." Peter smiled at Sirius.

"Yeah, I noticed your present had both of your names on it," Sirius noted before turning to James. "So James, how's Lily been?"

"Fine." James raised his eyebrow. He wondered if this was the best time to actually mention what was happening with Remus. It seemed ideal if Sirius started the conversation but he wasn't sure if a birthday party was the best setting to break the news. James could practically hear Lily calling him a coward in the back of his head and he felt a bit of shame in his chest.

"Will I properly meet her before I go to the states?" Sirius queried in a voice that sounded as if he wanted to be nonchalant but there were obvious undertones of what the real intention was.

"Actually, I wondered if you wanted to have breakfast with us tomorrow morning? Well, let's make it lunch. Who knows how late and drunk we'll be at the end of the night," put in James, hoping Sirius would take the bait. He'd tell Sirius about Remus tomorrow with the help of Lily.

"Sure, it'll be nice to have a quiet time with friends before I fly out the next day. Maybe Pete can join us?"

"Love to!" Peter agreed and James wasn't sure how he felt about breaking the news to Peter as well. Whatever effected Sirius would affect Peter too though, James supposed. Also, maybe on the off chance Sirius went mad at the news, Peter could help James pin him down or something.

"Why don't you spend a bit more time here with us Sirius? Don't you have another week before the tour starts?" Asked Peter.

"I've got an appointment when I get there," explained Sirius. He started to pay more attention to his glass, as if he was a little self-conscious about discussing the subject further but James didn't care about that.

"Appointment? For what?"

"Doctor."

"You all right mate? Not sick or anything?"

"No, I'm going in to start laser removal. For, uh, for my tattoo. It's a birthday present to myself."

"What? Why?" Peter asked suddenly before James could process fully what Sirius was saying. Both men seemed a little surprised at the reaction.

"Because he's a bastard," Sirius mumbled.

"He's not all that bad," started Peter, looking a little uncomfortable. "I mean, he made you happy right? I know you had a bad falling out but…"

Suddenly, James started to understand why Peter was acting a little strange about it. Both James and Peter hadn't remembered Sirius so happy as he had been in the peak of his relationship with Remus. Even now, after a whole album. Even now when Sirius insisted he was over it all, there was still a distant, sad look in his eyes. What could Peter and James do about it though? Well, James was trying to get the two back on friendly terms but at the rate he was going, that wasn't likely to happen for a while.

"Pete, I know you don't like to see the bad in people but, look. R…he told Skeeter that I was gay. It wasn't even a _little_ secret either. He had to blab about _my sexuality_. How could I begin to forgive someone who did that to me?" Sirius explained while also reminding himself why he needed to get over Remus and why the tattoo removal was going to be cleansing.

The conversation dwindled down after that and the three friends were quiet for a while until Frank came back with a new man for Sirius to meet. There were no more mentions of Lily or Remus or Sirius' reason for going to the US a little early but James was more determined now to tell the truth tomorrow at lunch.

* * *

When Sirius went to lunch the next day, he assumed it would be a rather calm affair. James had assured him that Lily wasn't as rowdy as she used to be and so it was likely to be a rather nice afternoon spent with friends and hopefully prospective friends. After the chaos that tour life threw at him, that sounded like a great way to spend his final day in London before he left for the States and had more chaos thrown his way. The reality was very different.

Just walking into the restaurant, Sirius already knew something was wrong. He was about to give James' name to the hostess when there were shouts and the sound of glasses being smashed. It was a woman's voice that was doing the shouting and Sirius assumed it was a bad break up until he heard James trying to calm the woman down. Stomach dropping, Sirius followed the running hostess to see James using all his strength to hold Lily back from Peter.

"You little piece of _shit_! James, let go of me! I want to slit his wrists and see how he likes it! You almost killed him!" She continued to scream as one of the male waiters joined James in trying to restrain Lily. Peter, the timid man he truly was, just stood there taking it. It didn't matter how much James loved Lily, Sirius was not going to let her talk to Peter like that.

"Hey, it would do you good to keep your mouth shut. You don't know anything about him," Sirius stepped in. Everyone's expressions changed in varying ways. Lily just seemed stunned before she sneered in anger, James looked almost pained and Peter looked down in shame. That confused Sirius. When they had been in school, stepping in blindly to defend his friends tended create more unity and cohesion between them. Sirius was reminded that they were adults now and it was better for him to find out what the actual problem was before he stepped in and chose sides.

"James hasn't told you yet has he?" Lily said, pulling back a little and giving James a glare of accusation.

"I was going to tell him today. You know that," James said through gritted teeth. He tried to convey 'don't do anything rash' through his eyes but Lily didn't see or didn't care.

"Hey Sirius. Remember when you blamed Remus for telling everyone that you're a mincer?" Lily started.

"_Lily_," James warned and Sirius started to feel the ground beneath him sway. It might have been a combination of the name and the way Lily was wishing for Sirius' death through her eyes.

"Yeah," Sirius risked. No matter what, he didn't regret anything that happened between him and Remus. Neither the relationship nor the break up. It was in the past. Yet the tension that was filling the room had started to make the hairs at his nape stand on end.

"Sirius. It was me," Peter said suddenly.

"What?" Even more confused, Sirius stared at Peter.

"I let it slip to Celestina that you were gay. It was an accident. She kept on complaining about you not liking anyone she tried to set you up with and I knew how upset you were about it and it slipped. It had been a joke but I let it slip and then I had to explain it to her. She, she admits telling a friend even though she swore she wouldn't and then it just got out of hand after that. I was so afraid to tell you and then you broke up with Remus and I felt so bad. Then you disappeared before I had the courage. Sirius, believe me. I am _so_ sorry," pleaded Peter.

"You did what?" Sirius asked, not really understanding what he was being told. No, he understood it but just didn't want to believe it. If this was true then the things he had said to Remus shouldn't even have been mentioned. The reason he had broken up with Remus was a lie. Swallowing painfully, Sirius felt a hairline fracture in everything he had been telling himself for the past six months or so. Sirius had lost something so wonderful but it was okay because Remus had betrayed him. Remus couldn't keep his promises. But that was wrong.

"I'm sorry. I should have said something right away but you were so angry and hurt and Celestina was afraid that you'd hate her," Peter started again but Sirius wasn't really listening anymore.

"Lily, is that what you wanted to tell me?" Asked Sirius. The calm in his voice scared most around them. He had forgotten that they had a huge audience but it wasn't like Sirius cared anymore. What was the most important thing right now was that he get to the bottom of this.

"No," Lily said, breaking free from the waiter and James. Raising her head and crossing her arms, it didn't seem like she was going to attack anymore but James kept his arms out just in case she tried to make a run for it.

"Sirius, what I wanted to tell you was that after you broke up with Remus, he went back on crack. After you blamed Remus and broke his heart he felt like he had nothing left and slit his wrists." Even without the anger seething through Lily's every word, each syllable did a great job of stabbing Sirius through the heart. Everything he had been telling himself shattered into a billion pieces and Sirius felt himself crumble with it.

What was Lily saying? Was she saying that Remus had died? Had Sirius lost the love of his life forever because of some stupid misunderstanding that could have been avoided?

Sensing what was rushing through Sirius' mind, James spoke up.

"He's still alive, Sirius. Don't worry. He tried but we found him before it was too late." James assured as if he were trying to talk down someone determined to jump off a ledge.

"We?" Everything in his head was rushing by too fast. He tried to grasp on to anything- to try and understand anything that was being said right now. "You mean you knew all this time?"

"I…yes. Lily and I found him. I was going to tell you though. Today. That was what this lunch was for. To let you know the truth. I never said anything earlier because it just didn't seem like a good time. You were feeling so good about things until…" James explained before breaking off.

"Well, thanks." Sirius scoffed. Taking a final look at the three, something akin to disgust touched Sirius' features. He couldn't take in all of this right now so he simply turned around and left.

"Sirius! Where are you going now?" James called after him, desperation starting to cling to his words.

"I have a tour I need to get back to," Sirius answered and in his head added, 'and I have a lot of thinking to do.'


	21. Chapter 21

**Song Note**: The song mentioned is actually Adele's _One and Only_. All rights for the song go to her.  
**A/N**: Hey all, I'm back. Just wanted to let you know that this is the second to last chapter (there will be an epilogue though). So you have a warning I suppose that things are ending. I may be writing a short followup that will be separate and maybe even a Alice/Frank fic (to those who do read het fic as well). And another quick thanks to everyone who reads and those who comment. They really do inspire me to write more or as fast as life will allow me.

* * *

It was a rather warm night and Sirius took the good weather as a sign. After the scene at the restaurant, Sirius had Kingsley find him a hotel room with a piano. Sirius needed to think and he knew that the best way to do it was with an instrument. Thoughts were running through so fast in his head and he couldn't stop thinking about what could have been or what was going to be now that he knew the truth of it all. Sirius thought about his one night stands in Vancouver and how with almost all of them, he had ended up calling Remus' name. He thought about how he said he would never be able to really forgive Remus because he couldn't be trusted. And he thought about how he knew deep down that he still loved Remus. All the regrettable anger. All those nights alone sobbing because no matter what beautiful man Sirius brought home, he'd spend so much time comparing them to Remus. Then Sirius wondered, with fear in his stomach, if Remus would ever understand or forgive him for what he did.

The resulting song was one in which Sirius poured out all his fears and hopes. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to play it for anyone. Maybe if the shame had lessened over time, he'd be willing to let Remus listen it. Assuming Remus would ever talk to him again. But it was better not to think like that. For once, Sirius felt like he was looking at the sunlight at the end of the tunnel and not mistaking some dim street lamp for it instead.

So that was way he was standing nervously outside of Remus' flat in the middle of the night. The least Sirius wanted was to make amends- to apologise for being such an idiot. Despite him trying to be optimistic, thoughts of what would actually happen was what stopped him from just walking up and knocking on the door. Sirius wasn't sure if Remus would shut the door on his face or if Sirius would just stand there, tongue tied once he finally saw Remus after so many long months of dreaming about him.

Although Sirius didn't want to acknowledge it, he knew he'd been hoping for a rather sentimental reunion. The one thing that had been stopping him from even considering actually getting back together with Remus was insignificant now. The image of holding Remus again and kissing him filled Sirius with exhilaration. It made him ignore any fear and he bounded up to the door and pounded. He didn't care what Remus said or if Lily was there and tried to pull him away. The first thing that Sirius was going to do when he saw him was give him a kiss on the lips.

When an unfamiliar woman opened the door, Sirius almost took a step back.

"Uh, oh is Remus here?" Sirius asked uncertainly. The woman was curvy and dressed up as if she were about to go to a club. Her tight purple dress was too short and her matching heels too high. Although she was still attractive, she would have looked nicer dressed down. She wasn't the type that Sirius saw Remus or Lily hanging out with.

"Oh my god! Are you Sirius Black? _The_ Sirius Black?" she asked, recognition causing her smoky eyes to grow big.

"Um."

"Have I won some contest or something?" she continued to ask, excitement in her every frantic movement. Another voice behind her called out to ask if there was a problem.

"Hey, who's at the door?" a second woman appeared behind the girl. This one had long, straight black hair and an outfit similar to the blonde, though was taller and skinnier. She was curling one of her eyelashes as she looked at Sirius with her other eye.

"Sirius Black! He's really here!" the curvy blonde woman continued to say, almost near a scream. Realization grew on her friend's face and then she started to join in on the celebration, making Sirius rather uncomfortable.

"No- I, I mean I _am_ him I just…the people who used to live here. Or…are you visiting?" Sirius was able to get out. He normally wasn't the one who had to handle his more rabid fans (at least not without security) and so was a little unprepared. Not to mention the fact he was feeling extremely disappointed and stupid for practically rushing to the door for Remus like everything was going to be all right.

"Oh, you came to see the people who used to rent this place?" the newer woman said, understanding the situation. She put a hand on her curvy friend's shoulder to try and calm her down.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"No it's all right. They moved out a few weeks ago I think. We just moved in last week. Got the place through a company though so we never actually met who used to live here."

"Ah. Okay. Thanks. Um, I'm a little embarrassed about this. Do you want uh, an autograph or something?" Sirius offered. He didn't want to come off as a complete arse.

"Really? Can we get a picture too maybe?" the curvy woman tried, a little calmer now but still overexcited by the prospect.

"Sure. If I come in you won't lock me up will you?" Sirius joked, though there was an air of caution in his voice just in case they _were_ that crazy.

"Ha, course not. We're not _that_ crazy. Promise," the tall one ensured, hand over heart and Sirius took a step inside. It only took a glance around to see that everything about the flat had changed. Two young socially functioning women lived here. Not punks. The hall way had a small pile of shoes and boots that hadn't been put away and the walls had a series of black and white photos that tried to convey an air of sophistication but was likely bought from Ikea. Sirius followed the two women into the living room, where they asked him to stay put while they went to get their camera and his newest album. Before he could soak up the vast changes of the living room, one of the girls called out to him

"Normally, I don't really buy CDs anymore- what with iTunes being so convenient but I heard the singles for this one and I dragged a few of my friends to wait in line the day it came out. It's amazing. I don't know how you do it. I can hardly whistle much less write a song." One of the girls, he thought maybe the blonde one, said loudly as she rummaged through her room. There was a slight pause and Sirius assumed she wanted him to say something back.

"Well, I've been playing instruments since I was a little kid. It's just how I express myself now."

"I wish I could do something even slightly artsy. Can't even draw a proper stick person."

"Just takes practice," assured Sirius, starting to get a little nervous with all this waiting. Suddenly, the blonde walked out with a pen and two CDs.

"If you don't mind signing this one and this Marauder's CD." She asked, a little shyly.

"Okay, who should I make it out to?" Sirius started to take the booklet out and didn't notice the woman blanching slightly.

"Oh my god, I didn't introduce myself. You must think I'm a right twat! No wonder you're looking nervous. I'm Claire and my roommate is Jodi."

"All right, how about, 'To Claire, sorry to bother you this late, Sirius Black'?"

"Oh that's wonderful," giggled Claire, beaming to have a special message from him. Although this was rather annoying for Sirius, it was always nice to see his fans light up from something so simple. When he was finishing with the second CD, Jodi walked out with a camera and a large poster of him.

"I'm so glad I've been putting off taking this to get framed." Jodi said, handing the poster to Sirius. There was a number of times that fans would present Sirius with pictures or posters of himself that he didn't know was available for the public. Though nowadays, it seemed everything was available to the general public, long as they had a computer.

Sirius remembered this particular picture was from a photo shoot that Sirius remembered though. It was one of the many he had been dragged to for the album art before he was able to convince the record label that it only needed one or two photos of him in all. The poster had Sirius looking a little scruffy and his shirt was riding up so his abs and his tattoo could be seen.

"Okay, so should I say something similar to Claire's?" Sirius asked, lump forming on his throat. He deliberately wrote near his head so he could avoid looking at the tattoo. After tonight, he wasn't sure he was going to go to the laser treatment.

"Haha, that's cute. Yeah that will work. Oh and it's Jodi spelled J-O-D-I."

After everything was signed and pictures were taken, there was a slightly awkward pause before Sirius mentioned he should get going.

"I don't suppose it's too much to ask you to come out with us? We're going to meet up with some friends for a drink or two," Jodi pressed, ever so shyly.

"No, I need to get some sleep. Leaving for a tour tomorrow."

"Oh, all right, thought it wouldn't hurt asking. The girls tonight are gonna hardly believe this though, even with the pictures."

"Do you want us to call you a cab?" Claire asked, taking out her mobile. "I was going to call one for us before you knocked."

"Oh, if you don't mind, that would be nice."

"No problem at all," Claire assured, she dialling the cab services. As she stepped to the side to talk to the operator, Jodi made more small talk with Sirius.

"Say, before I forget, these people you were trying to see, you don't think you'd be seeing them anytime soon or would be able to get something to them. I know you're leaving and all but they left a box behind and we haven't been able to figure out what to do with it. Claire said just throw it out but I was about to call the company that's running the building now to see if they had a new address."

"I suppose I could take it. I mean, I've got other ways to contact them before the night's over," Sirius shrugged, not really sure that he wanted to carry around a box of Lily's things but it _would_ just be as simple as getting the receptionist at the hotel to send it to James' flat.

"Great, it's not a large box or anything. I'll be right back." Within a few minutes, the cab was on its way and Jodi reappeared with a medium sized box that made Sirius' stomach feel queasy. He recognised that box but was hoping he wouldn't find what he feared inside.

"It's not too much, just a few shirts and an old pair of shoes and some soap and stuff."

"Jodi, why are you giving that to him? I told you, it's a break up box. We should just throw it away," chastised Claire.

"He said he can give it to the people that used to live here. Calm down. Oh, are you all right?" Jodi frowned when she noticed how white Sirius had become. Just one look in the box and Sirius knew that it had everything he had sent to Remus after they broke up. He wanted to drop the box and leave now but a much more sadistic part of him wanted to look through the items again.

"What? I'm fine, I think I'll wait outside for the cab. A bit of fresh air and all." He said his goodbyes before leaving, box clutched tightly against his chest.

* * *

If one were to take a quick look at Remus Lupin, they likely wouldn't guess at first try that his favourite meal was paella. People tended to think that he preferred something like fish and chips or a quick pub meal. Truth of the matter was that Remus enjoyed things that were flavourful, spicy, had rice or even tofu. It might have had to do with one of the friends he had as a child. Before Remus discovered punk music and even before he had become fodder for most of the bullies at school, he was friends with a Spanish boy named Emilio. Emilio was a cute, dark, curly haired boy who would always have Remus over for dinner, which was when Remus developed a taste for more exotic foods. Before Emilio's family went back to Spain, Remus was sure that he was in love with the boy, cementing his love for Spanish food and darker haired boys.

"That's a cute story. Wouldn't have pegged you to fall for the tall, dark and handsome type when I first met you," Dorcas said before shovelling a spoonful of rice in her mouth. The description fit Sirius Black rather well but everyone in company ignored that.

"Well back then he was more short, dark and cute," corrected Remus.

"You know, I like this sharing thing we've all been doing lately," Alice cut in. "I guess all doctors aren't completely bonkers."

"One suggestion out of many doesn't mean everything they say is golden," mentioned Remus. "Though I'm glad they finally let me out of that hell hole."

It had been a couple of weeks since Remus was finally let out into the real world and he had been enjoying his freedom to the fullest. Well, as full as he could within legal limits and while still doing community service. A lot of his free time was spent writing songs, hanging out with the girls and wandering about London. All of it was done sober and Remus was on the path to full recovery. One way the girls liked to contribute to Remus' health was to provide him with ample amounts of food. Even though he had been eating steadily, the food in the mental ward was a little below par and so Remus stayed rather skinny. Now, he had been eating with a little more gusto, some colour and size was returning but he was still too skinny for the girls' tastes. So eating together had become a daily occurrence with the intention of 'fattening' Remus up. Today was Dorca's turn and unfortunately Lily had other plans with James (something they would give her a hard time about later).

"So anything else you ladies want me to tell you?" asked Remus.

"Since we're on the subject of the things the docs told you to do, tell us in one sentence what you learned about yourself in rehab?" Alice asked, earning a look from Dorcas who didn't want to undo any progress Remus had made. Even if Alice liked to deal with situations through sarcasm and jokes, Dorcas would not allow them to joke about anything good that had happened to Remus.

"It's all right Dorcas. I'm not going to go into a relapse anytime soon. Quite frankly though Alice, I have daddy issues."

"I could have told you that. You're a whore Remus and whores always have daddy issues," teased Alice.

"So you have them too?" Remus asked innocently, causing Alice to smirk.

"Why yes, yes I do."

"You shouldn't belittle your problems Remus," Dorcas interjected, "it's what got you into your mess in the first place."

"What got me into this mess was being blamed for something I didn't do."

"You also punched a copper," Alice helped.

"You know what I mean. If that bastard hadn't freaked out and dump me then date someone else and brag about it to all those magazines after he spent months telling me to hide in his flat, I would have told Rosier to fuck off a little more effectively."

"Did he really brag?"

"I don't care. I was so angry and hurt about everything that happened with him. You know what Lily told me? She said that it turns out it was one of the guys in his band told everyone that Sirius was gay," Remus stated while stabbing a piece of shrimp violently.

"Yeah I heard that," said Dorcas in a darker tone.

"You could do better than him. Trust me," Alice assured.

"Whatever," Remus answered rather noncommittally, rubbing a finger over the tattoo on his left wrist. "I mean, Lily showed me all these videos off of his new album when I was still in the hell hole and for a moment I thought I could really forgive him. He seemed to be in almost as much pain as me. I was sure that if I saw him when I got out and he wanted to get back together, I would say yes within a second. After everything, a bit of me still loved him and I had some deluded bit of hope that we'd end up together in the end but after hearing about his friend I got so pissed off. And well, I just think he's an idiot. How do I trust someone who doesn't bother to trust me and blames me the first chance he gets?"

"Like I said Remus, you'll find someone much better," Alice said again with confidence.

"I'm not sure I'm going to be with anyone for a while. I think I need a break."

"I think that's a good idea," complimented Dorcas. "In fact, you know what would be an even better idea? To stop talking about him? He's a wanker. So let's not think about him."

"I agree. Say, to better times and a much better album?" Alice lifted up her drink for a toast and they clinked their glasses together. They fell into another silence where they just enjoyed their food until it was broken suddenly by Alice.

"Oh, speaking of good news, want to hear who got caught breaking probation?"

"Who?" Dorcas asked but before Alice was able to rely the good news, Remus' mobile beeped. The two others waited impatiently while Remus took a quick look at the text message he received. After a tight-lipped frown, he deleted the message and brought all his attention back to Alice and Dorcas.

"Wrong number," he explained but they didn't fully believe him. Despite wanting to know more, Alice decided to go back to her previous topic.

"Anyway, it's Rosier. Evan Rosier was caught dealing again and now he's unlikely to get out for quite a while."

"Now _that's_ something I can toast to," Remus smiled, lifting up his glass.

* * *

[_Excerpt from Huffington Post_]

**Sirius Black Reveals New Song In US Tour**

It's been a week and a half since Sirius Black started the US leg of the Time of My Life tour and almost all remaining venues have been sold out or appear to be on their way towards it. With the album reaching Platinum within a week, the album appears to be about as successful as any project Black has done in The Marauders, if not more.

If having millions of records sold, 3 number one hits and a sold out tour wasn't enough, Black has written a new song and after trying it out to a very receptive crowd in New York City, revealed plans to record it on tour and release it as another single. The song, titled _One and Only _is a soulful piece about giving love a chance. According to Black, it was written right before he left for the US tour. Before playing it to the excited audience, he specifically asked those who were able to film it to post it onto the Internet in hopes that a special someone would possibly see it.

* * *

"I don't know mate, you sure about this?" James asked Sirius. It was nearing noon in England, which meant it was pretty early morning for Sirius. Although Sirius was still busy with his US tour, soon to become South American tour and eventually European tour (on top of deciding he wanted to record and produce _another_ song while doing all this), he had called James up a number of times when he couldn't sleep. All of them were Remus related. At first, it was about Sirius complaining about Peter and wondering how he could have been such an idiot. Today, it had moved onto Sirius deciding that he needed to win Remus back.

"_Yes_ I'm sure. I want to be with him James," insisted Sirius. "The more time away I've been spending since I found out what the hell actually happened, the more I realise what an idiot I've been and how much I really do need him in my life."

"Not to suggest that the two of you shouldn't get back together- or should for that matter because I'm staying out of this- but are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, you seemed to be getting over things before you had found out Peter told Celestina."

"I'm sure. I'm positive actually. I think about him all the time and I can hardly sleep because all I can think about is him and what I did. I need him in my life and I can't take it anymore," declared Sirius. Thoughts of Remus had been consuming him to the point that he couldn't close his eyes without seeing him and the longing had just been growing exponentially.

"Look, I'm sure that it just feels like you broke up all over again but running back to him may not be the best answer. Is it really good for you? For him?" James countered. In a perfect world, he was sure that Sirius and Remus would likely end up together. But from what Lily had been spouting lately and what she claims Remus had been saying when they were alone, James wasn't all too sure that Sirius wouldn't get a bloody nose if he simply ran up to Remus thinking they could have a sensible talk. Also, Remus had been stopping by after some of his physical therapy sessions that included workouts to rebuild his muscle mass. In all likelihood, it was possible that by the time Sirius got back, any physical alteration could end with someone actually getting injured.

"It's the right thing. I can feel it. I just…I just wish he would talk to me."

"You've...contacted him?"

"Yeah, a number of times. He hasn't answered or texted back though."

"Maybe he doesn't want to spend the money on the long distance? Or maybe it's the wrong number?" James suggested. It wasn't possible to not try and cheer Sirius up after hearing the utter misery in his voice.

"I don't know. It's the only reason why I decided to play that song and record it. I thought maybe he'd hear it and think about things a bit."

"Sirius, I know where you're coming from but just a few weeks ago you were telling me how you could never be with him again because there was no trust in the relationship," James tried to reason.

"Yeah, but that was before I realised what an utter idiot I had been. _I_ can trust him. I want a relationship again and this time I won't care who sees us together. That's one of the reasons behind releasing this new song. I hoped he'd understand that I'm willing to try it again. Do it all right and be out in the open like we should have been," explained Sirius. "James, I've been out of my fucking mind without him now that I know it was all my fault. I went to go see him before I left only to find out that he and Lily had moved out. I ended up having to humour a couple of birds who wanted my picture and autograph and eventually gave me a box that was left behind from Remus. Want to know what was in it? Everything I had sent back to him when we broke up. It killed me. The shirts still smelled like him and for the first week here, I'd been wearing them until they stopped smelling like him. James- I need him."

"I'm not the person you should be telling this to," sighed James after a long pause.

"I know," admitted Sirius, defeated.

"Look, you've got a while until the tour's done and you get back. And I think that's a good thing. Not to upset you more or anything but from what Lily's been telling me, Remus isn't too happy about you right now. Especially not after he heard that it was Peter who was the reason the two of you fell out. Let him breath a bit and let yourself think- really think about this. Think about what would happen if you tried to get back together and what would happen if you do. Okay?" James had started to use his calm, sensible voice and Sirius could almost see the truth in what he was saying.

"Okay. I suppose I can do that. But I still think that I'm going to want the same thing then as I do now."

"Well, I don't doubt that too much but still, its better to go at this with a clear head. Give some time for everyone to cool off a bit."

"You're right. I know you're right," Sirius said with a frustrated groan.

"I'm always right," smiled James.

"I hope you know I'm still not going to be able to get any sleep again tonight."

"I know. Oh, Sirius, before you go…Peter. Do you have anything you want to say to Peter? He feels awful."

"Well he should."

"Sirius-"

"I don't have anything to say right now. I need time James. Give me time."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N**: It's been a while, I know. Life has been so hectic over the past few months but I've finally got a tiny bit of a break. Here is the last chapter, it's pretty long and I hope you enjoy it! I admit I'm a bit nervous as I've had to get back into the swing of writing fic after the long gap. I just want to note, in my head the song Baptized by Fire (by Spinnerette) first sounds more like the Letterman version and after production would sound like the CD version.  
**A/N2**: As always, thank you for your lovely comments, even if I didn't have time to reply to them. They make me smile like an idiot. I hope this makes you smile too! Also, I've got an epilogue planned so it's not completely over just yet! Special mention of Annaskyfox over on LiveJournal and Deviantart who drew a lovely picture based on Chapter 9! My first fanart! Thanks so much!  
**Disclaimer**: Songs mentioned belong to musicians, Driving Song and Baptized By Fire are by Spinnerette. One and Only by Adele.

* * *

[_Excerpt from the Alternative Press website_]

**Sneak Peaks of a Possible Bella Donna Comeback**

Fans of Bella Donna can breath a collective sigh of relief. As guitarist Remus Lupin finishes up his various stints in jail and rehab, it seems that the band is finally back on their feet. The future of the band was uncertain for a good number of months when Lupin was arrested for possession and assaulting a police officer. Announcements were made that he would not be replaced but there were no further discussions of what the band planned on doing while he was away. Now it seems they're back and strong as ever.

A few days ago, the band released a series of videos on their website and YouTube account of possible demos for their latest album. Although they have just begun the search for a producer, the new songs seem promising. Most of the songs are acoustic with bassist and singer Lily Evans and guitarist Remus Lupin performing from their living room. A few even have the rest of the band joining in.

In comparison to their earlier work, the songs are more mature, both musically and lyrically. The vocal harmonics are done well, with Evans now sharing a majority of the singing with Lupin. _Driving Song _and _Baptised by Fire_ are two songs that stand out in particular of the five demos. Not only are they solid demos but they are also the only two that are preformed by the whole band.

* * *

[_Excerpt from Sirius Black Fan forum, post by '_LylaBones_'_]

Most if not all of us are familiar with YouTube. This includes the popular way to try and get more views on a video by posting it as a reply to a much more popular video. We've see numerous videos being posted to Marauder songs over the years and now especially Sirius Black's solo work. The videos range from covers to reviews to things that have nothing to do with the song even though they claim to. Oddly enough though, it seems the latest group to try and hang on to Sirius' success is the punk band Bella Donna.

Much like the videos posted as replies, there have been a range of reactions from Sirius Black fans. There are those who don't care, those who feel that Bella Donna need to back off and gain their own fans and finally those who think there may be more behind the move than to increase the number of views. I am of the latter category.

Now I'm not a conspiracy nut or anything but I admit it's kind of fun trying to figure out different reasons as to why a punk back would reply to Sirius' gorgeous ballad _One and Only_ with _Driving Song_. So far, my favourite suggestion of the move is that it is all a joke between Sirius and Lily Evans (she being a member of Bella Donna). I took a listen and _Driving Song _sounds like a bit of a 'screw you' song in the gentlest of ways, maybe even a different look at the relationship than what Sirius gives. Lily has gotten very close to Marauder member James Potter in the past year. She may have heard Sirius' song and might have poked fun at this more romantic side of Sirius that fans have been getting the privilege to see. I know a lot of other fans get overly defensive that someone may be making fun of Sirius' 'emotional state' but they're all adults and probably friends. If Sirius needs defending from 'mean old' Lily's joke, I think he can defend himself. I'm sure he's laughing about it all.

* * *

A buzz from James' mobile interrupted his and Sirius' lunch. After noticing it was from Lily, he checked it quickly expecting a note about not having any more milk at home but further inspection brought a frown.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"Bella Donna hates the demos I produced," James said without thinking. After realising slipped, James suddenly tensed.

"You're producing Bella Donna's new album?" Sirius raised an eyebrow and leaned in with interest. No good was going to come out of this conversation.

"Well sounds like I'm not now, am I?" answered James bitterly. He'd done a pretty good job up till now to not mentioning anything Remus related to Sirius. It was a mess that he no longer wanted a part of and he felt that perhaps if he stopped talking about Lily's band mates, then maybe Sirius would just forget about Remus and finally get over him. It was a lofty hope but it was all that James could do at the moment. And now he'd buggered it up. After hearing that Lily was looking for a good producer for the new Bella Donna album, James offered up his services.

Admittedly, the band laughed at him but he persisted and worked on a couple of their demos. Apparently, they still weren't impressed. It wasn't that he cared what they thought about the music he produced….well, he sort of did. The main reason James offered was to try and impress Lily but that obviously fell through.

"You're not a _horrible_ music producer. What didn't they like about it?" Sirius asked a little too smugly for James' tastes.

"Sorry we can't all produce number one pop singles like you mate. Besides, I bet you couldn't do any better than me. Doubt a punk band would like any of the things you've done lately."

"It's called knowing your target audience. Something I'm quite good at thanks."

"Target audience my arse," James rolled his eyes but he was actually pleased at the banter. It was a sign that perhaps Sirius was getting better. One mention of Bella Donna and Remus wasn't the first thing on his lips. The delight didn't last long though. After taking a long sip of his drink, Sirius started to nervously push the food around his plate.

"Speaking of Lily's band…uh, have you seen Remus lately?"

"Sirius, no," commanded James.

"What? I was just inquiring after his health," Sirius claimed too innocently for James' liking. A stern look from James and Sirius sighed.

"Fine, also was wondering if he's asked about me."

"Not that I am aware of. Why? Plan on sending him back to rehab? Maybe you should personally give him the cocaine this time."

"That's not funny James."

"I wasn't trying to be. Why would be you interested in him asking after you?"

"You know why."

"Yeah, well why don't you remind me."

"I…I was hoping we could get together and have a talk. Maybe work through some things."

Now, there had been a number of decisions that Sirius made throughout his life that James didn't approve of at first. A good portion of them did work out well through some odd cosmic fate. One of them was getting Frank to leave the band. That turned out to be a very good choice in the end, what with all of them reaching heights they might not have been able to if Frank had stayed. Another one of Sirius' stupid decisions, which turned out to be rather good was his dropping out of school. Rather idiotic but in the end, Siruis had been able to spend the time he would at school writing more songs and sending out hundreds of demos to who ever would listen.

So Sirius did seem to have reason behind the wayward things he did. This time though, James felt he had to really put his foot down because no good whatsoever could or ever would be derived from this.

"You can't do this Sirius! To yourself and him. He's over it, you said you were. It's over between you and Remus. Don't fuck him up more than he was. I thought we talked about this?" James could feel a headache coming on. Didn't this conversation already happen?

"Before my tour was over, you said we'd revisit this once I had more time to think and I have. The answer is the same as before. I want him back and I know that this is the right thing to do. We belong together James, I wish you could see that," begged Sirius, hoping James would see some reason.

"I did see that but then you blamed him for outing you and he went on a coke binge. Once all that stuff happened, well, to be honest, I don't think you're the healthiest for each other. All that secrecy isn't good for relationships."

"But it won't be like that anymore. I'm not going to force him to stay in the flat or refuse to be seen with him in public. I don't care about all that anymore."

"Really? Just last week, weren't you were complaining about how some tabloid was connecting you to some American celebrity or something?"

"Because it wasn't true!"

"Well that's going to keep happening you know? Some of the shit they print about Lils and me…" James took a moment to compose himself. "And they're going to say loads of bullshit about you and Remus along with the truth if you somehow get back together with him."

"Well I don't care! I want him back James. I need him in my life," insisted Sirius, sounding like a spoilt child. His mind was made up and there was no going back.

"Yeah but do you think he needs you Sirius?" The question hung in the air. It made Sirius look down to his hands. The possibility of Remus not needing Sirius in his life was thought about briefly but in truth, Sirius didn't dwell on it. He wasn't sure he could without losing his sanity.

"I'm going after him, no matter what you say." Sirius finally declared, looking James in the eye with an expression that left no room for argument.

"I think it's stupid but obviously I can't stop you," admitted James bitterly, wondering if a hard enough punch to the head would at least stall Sirius a bit longer.

"You can't."

"Okay, then why are you still here talking to me? Shouldn't you be trying to find a way to sweep him off his feet or something?" challenged James, only getting a shrug from Sirius in response.

"Well, I, I was hoping you could help me out a bit."

"Are you serious? No, don't answer that. I mean, you really have the nerve to ask me my opinion, completely disregard it and then _ask_ me for help to do it?"

"I don't know where he's staying or his number or anything James! I don't know where he would be hanging out or any of that. I can't ask him to take me back if I can't even _find_ him," insisted Sirius with sad eyes. James wasn't sure what to do. While he didn't like the idea of Sirius annoying Remus again, he had a feeling that no matter what anyone said, Sirius was going to continue to do so. If James didn't give him the info he needed, Sirius would pay someone to find out.

Probably, the only person to get Sirius to finally see sense and end this chase was Remus himself. Whether it was with a good talk or a punch, James wasn't sure. Either choice seemed to be very much in Remus' repertoire of how to handle situations.

Looking at Sirius, James felt his reserve start to crack. There was a mix of insistence and sadness in Sirius' face and James started to understand what was going on in his mind. Sirius needed to hold onto the hope that he and Remus would get back together. If he didn't, he wouldn't have much to look forward to and that was enough to kill anyone. Hadn't James done that with Lily? Even when it seemed impossible that they'd ever get together, he still hoped.

"If you get punched and Remus breaks his probation or something, you've got to get him out of the mess," demanded James but Sirius' determination didn't waver. "Fine, the four of them have been going out weekly for dinner or lunch to beef up Remus. I'd rather have you wait for him around one of those places than corner him where he's staying."

"Thanks. I'll take my chances."

"They're at this Armenian place called Sevan. Lily said something about Bermondsey Street I think. I don't know the exact location but you can look it up on your mobile. If you go now maybe you'll be able to catch them before they leave?" James gave in finally, waving off Sirius when he tried to pay him for his half of lunch. "Just go Sirius. But you owe me big on this one. I don't care if Remus sends you to the emergency room or if he decides to listen to you, you owe me."

With a final nod, Sirius was out the door.

By the time that Sirius had reached the door, he already looked up the restaurant that James mentioned with his mobile and frowned at the distance. It was nowhere near Bermondsey Street. Sirius didn't have time to wonder if James was trying to get him off track with the false street or if Lily had the foresight to tell James the wrong location on the chance that it was mentioned to Sirius. Without dwelling on the possibility that Lily had given James the wrong restaurant as well, he quickly hailed a cab, gave the driver the address and waited impatiently as they wove through London traffic.

Foot nervously tapping, Sirius only gave the occasional yes or no grunt to the polite questions of the cab driver. The whole time, he was following their progress on the Maps app of his mobile. Adrenaline continued to pump through his veins the closer they seemed to be getting. All the things that Sirius had dreamt and planned on were running through his head. He thought about the explanations he wanted to give, the apologies and every single reason why he still loved Remus and would continue to do so. Even memories of listening to that song that Bella Donna had posted in response to his almost public pleading to Remus- _Driving Song_. Some might have taken it as a sign to lose hope but it only fuelled Sirius' determination because it meant that Remus still took the time to even consider him.

Within twenty minutes, the driver had stopped trying to engage Sirius. They were only a few blocks away but suddenly reached a bad patch of traffic. Without skipping a beat, Sirius shoved what was probably much more than his cab fare in the face of the driver and ran out towards Sevan.

Sirius didn't have much of a plan other than to spill out his guts. It was a little funny to him if he thought about the situation. The idea of him declaring his love for someone in such a public manner would have made him laugh two years ago but not anymore. He was willing to undergo humiliation (and very likely a beating if no one interfered with the girls of Bella Donna once they saw him), if only to talk to Remus and to get him to understand.

Rounding a corner halted Sirius cold in his tracks. Right in front of him was Remus Lupin having a cigarette outside Sevan. One foot was on the sidewalk, the other on the street as he stared straight forward to the other side of buildings. All coherent and eloquent confessions flew out of Sirius' mind when Remus turned and stiffened at the stunned man in front of him.

* * *

While these weekly food outings had been nice, Remus was wondering whether or not he should have them lessened to once every few weeks. Or at least convince the girls to stop piling all their leftovers on his plate with the assumption that he would finish everything. He'd already gained back all the weight and then some with the extra muscle mass he'd built up in his physical therapy. The slight change in body type was an almost welcome change. It was nice to know that if he were to get into another fight (after probation was over of course) that his punches would do a lot more damage than before. Though some of his tighter trousers didn't fit past his calves anymore. That was annoying.

These thoughts ran through his head as he was having a quick smoke outside of an Armenian place called Sevan that Dorcas and Emmeline had stumbled upon. It wasn't too bad and Remus admitted that he wouldn't mind having everyone's leftovers this time. He was about to leave his cigarette half smoked when he turned to go back in and saw the last person he wanted to be thinking about. Sirius Black.

They both stood rooted to their spots, staring at one another with alarm and disbelief. Over the past months, Remus had been steadily improving and the thought of what he would do if he ever met Sirius again occasionally ran through his mind. At first, Remus entertained the idea of them having a heart to heart. In his fantasies, they tended to consist of Sirius doing most of the begging. But Remus wasn't a romantic at heart, or at least any romantic leaning in him had been slowly stifled over the rough years, and his hope quickly rotted away into anger.

It didn't matter how many songs that Sirius wrote that maybe sounded like regret or apologies over what had happened between the two of them. It didn't matter how many music videos he made where he would cry to his heart's discontent. If Sirius didn't have the guts to even contact Remus, then none of it should affect him. Miscommunication had been almost the end of him and it all seemed like he would be going down the same track if he waited to hear Sirius' next new single to search for some meaning behind it all. It would be stupid and self-destructive for Remus to go down that path. So his fantasies of them forgiving and forgetting gave way to dreams of Remus giving Sirius a bloody nose amongst other things.

But at this moment, he didn't have any urge to punch or to listen. He just wanted to run the opposite direction. Feelings of longing, sadness and regret started to well up from an unknown place. The wind left his lungs and he felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. It was a rude awakening to the fact that no matter how much he said he was over it or how many songs that he had written as reply to Sirius'- Remus wasn't ready to see Sirius just yet.

Before Remus could make a decision to leave or not, Sirius seemed to regain his wits and made the rest of the way over. Remus put on what he thought was a straight face and braced himself.

"Hi," Sirius said a little breathlessly, stopping a few feet away.

"Hey," Remus answered back, taking a long drag from his cigarette. They were silent for a while, both trying to read each other's body language and both not succeeding.

"You, you look, I uh, I like your hair," Sirius offered rather inarticulately, only to get a grunt in reply. It was discouraging but he continued nonetheless, hoping to sound a little more intelligent this time.

"So, how have you been?" Sirius couldn't stop the cringe he felt once he had asked.

"All right I suppose," Remus said, still dwelling on the hair compliment. He hadn't dyed his hair since he was arrested and it was only recently that Alice had trimmed out the coloured ends. Also, he was due for a shave and was now sporting the makings of a beard. His hair hadn't been left naturally blonde since he was with Sirius and that thought made Remus a little uncomfortable. He ran a self-conscious hand through his hair, trying to get his thoughts together.

"Remus, look, I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. I fucked up," pleaded Sirius. Remus had to take a calming breath to stifle the butterflies that were trying to escape his gut at hearing Sirius say his name.

"Are you now?" This time, Remus raised an eyebrow, disbelief dripping off his words. It didn't matter what stupid fluttering was making its way through his system, the time for apologies was a little late.

"Yes, please, listen to me. I was such an idiot. I should have listened to you when you said you didn't out me."

Instead of answering, Remus just turned towards the entrance of Sevan. Panicking, Sirius grabbed onto his wrist to spin him around a little more aggressively than he'd intended. Remus spun around to look Sirius straight in the eye and he regretted it instantly. He watched as Sirius felt the long scar on Remus' wrist with his thumb and realisation of what it was from filled Siruis' eyes. The unease in his eyes made Remus' face hot with shame and he pulled his arm away from the grip.

"Can we please just talk?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," admitted Remus, flicking his cigarette to the curb and trying to make his way back into Sevan. He just wanted to leave. He didn't want to deal with the emotions suddenly bubbling to the surface and he certainly didn't want to dwell on what they meant. Before he could take even three steps, Sirius had grabbed his arm again, this time aiming for his upper arm.

"Just tell me, where can we go from here?"

Gritting his teeth, Remus turned to face Sirius but avoided his eyes. He just wanted to be done with this. There were obviously some residue emotions from his time with Sirius and right now, Remus didn't want anything to do with them.

"No where," answered Remus bitterly. Just as Sirius let out an injured breath, they heard Alice.

"Thought a fag was a great id- oh. What's this then?" The change in tone was evident as Alice crossed her arms and walked over to place herself between the two men. One glare from Alice and Sirius dropped the hand holding Remus' upper arm.

"Didn't know you were going to join me, I wouldn't have tossed my fag so quickly," said Remus with a distracted voice that indicated he his thoughts were everywhere but on the lost cigarette.

"Thanks but I don't think I'm in the mood anymore," assured Alice, not taking her glare off of Sirius. "You've got some nerve, you know?"

"I've been told that it's part of my charm," Sirius attempted to joke but bit his lip at the very unamused stares he was getting.

"C'mon Remus, food should be there now," Alice turned her back on Sirius and made sure with a push to Remus' shoulder that he did the same. Normally, Remus would be rather indignant at all the pushing and shoving he was getting but for once, he didn't mind Alice's cross treatment towards those she despised and her overprotective streak that occasionally rounded its head.

"No, hold on!" Sirius begged, trying to come up with anything to make them stay. He didn't dare follow them into the restaurant. "I hear you guys are looking for a producer." Both Alice and Remus suddenly stopped at the comment. Remus just looked over his shoulder but Alice spun around and gave Sirius an attitude filled look that made him almost scared to challenge her.

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Well, _I'm_ a producer," claimed Sirius, waiting for the two punks to process what he was suggesting. It didn't take long before they were snickering.

"You want to produce our music? You're fucking with me right?" laughed Alice.

"I'm completely serious. In both senses."

"Yeah, I don't think you're the kind of guy we want to produce our music," Remus said, trying and failing to keep the judgement out of his voice. "Not if your friend is any indication."

"Don't lump me in with James when it comes to producing. I know what I'm doing. Just give me the chance. If you don't like it, honestly don't like my work, then I won't bother you any more. I swear," Sirius knew that he was risking a lot. He had stopped himself from throwing in the fact that he and Remus had written a couple of songs before the break up. Although Sirius was a good producer, he wasn't sure that he was as confident as he sounded about his talents. But if it earned him a few more moments where he could try and talk to Remus, then it was worth it.

"All right then," Alice said finally, after sharing a look between Remus. "Ask your friend James for the bits that we recorded for him. See what you can do with it and contact Lily. If anything, it'll be good for a laugh."

* * *

The next few days had been a blur of borrowing guitars, renting microphones (and a mandolin), searching for small locations with good acoustics and singing harmonies under a blanket. For the first time, Sirius regretted his impulse to sell his flat in London when he ran off to Canada as he no longer had full, free access to a recording studio. The easiest solution would be for him to rent one for a day or two just to get the best quality of mixing but he decided that he was going to use what was most readily available to really prove that he was fit for the job. No one would be able to say that he was hiding behind the best quality tools instead of relying on his talents.

So, once he had copied the basic files from James' computer, Sirius set to work and used all the techniques he had learned when The Marauders recorded in their bedrooms. One thing Sirius was glad of was that he had the foresight to keep one of his smaller Moog synthesizer and a few effects pedals rather then sending them off to storage with the rest of this things from the tour. Even if he was targeting a 'punk' audience, he still wanted to put a few of his tastes into it and as of late, that had become more electronic based sounds.

Within four days, Sirius was satisfied with the two songs that he had worked on and called Lily up to set a time where he could show them off. He thought he had done a pretty good job given the quality of the original recordings and only using a laptop to record everything else. Despite this, he was nervous when all four members of Bella Donna sat on James' sofa in various states of amusement and judgement. The first song he played was _Baptised by Fire_. It was the one that had the most extra bits added into it. Within the first minute, the changes in their faces were immense.

There hadn't been many times in the past few months where Sirius had allowed himself to feel rather self-righteous but this probably was the closest. It was nice to see Lily and Alice share similar looks of shock and awe, especially as they had been the nastiest to him within the short period of interaction that had occurred. Dorcas, who had only been somewhat icy, seemed to be looking at him with some respect now. Then there was Remus.

His face was a little unreadable and that made Sirius nervous. Sirius wasn't sure if Remus hated the song or didn't mind it. It was Remus' approval he wanted more than anything.

Enthusiasm for making Remus his again had eased over the last few days as Sirius meditated over their encounter. Constantly pulling Remus towards him would only result in pushing him away. That was clear every time Remus tried to escape into the restaurant. If Sirius was sincere, he needed to earn his trust and respect back. He didn't care how long that would take. So any sign of approval from Remus was progress. For Sirius, it was akin to knowing where they stood.

"It so…so-" Alice attempted to convey any feeling in words but only was able to produce a rather strange circular hand gesture.

"It's lush," Lily stated, getting an enthusiastic nod from Alice.

"We've never had a mandolin in any of our songs before. But it works," observed Dorcas.

"So, he's producing the whole album then?" Remus asked the girls, but he looked Sirius straight in the eye with such intensity that Sirius felt his heart skip a beat. The look was still unreadable but there was a certain heat behind it that hadn't been there during their brief meeting at the restaurant.

"If you're okay with it Remus," Lily said, waiting for his confirmation. After a beat, Remus answered.

"When are we booking studio time then?" He asked and for a split second, Sirius swore he saw a gleam in Remus' eyes that was cause for hope.

* * *

It would have been nice if Sirius could have said that the studio time he had spent so far within such a close range to Remus was magical. It really wasn't. It had been a couple of weeks before Sirius and Bella Donna finally headed into the studio, what with them getting their songs together and whatnot. As the days passed, anticipation grew. Finally, he'd get to spend long periods of time with Remus. The only scenarios that passed through Sirius' head were of the romantic kind. He was a little worried he was turning into a huge girl like James (and told James as much) but he tried to let those thoughts pass. Unfortunately, time spent in the recording studio wasn't what he had hoped for.

Now, the reason wasn't the fact that there was no chemistry between anymore. That was actually as far from the truth as possible. They hadn't talked all that much during the recording up till this point, but Sirius couldn't help noticing how in sync they seemed to be. Sirius didn't need to try and explain too much of what he was looking for in the next vocal attempt or chord progression to Remus- he just seemed to know. Or maybe Sirius was just imagining how in sync they were and it all happened because Remus was such a good musician.

It wasn't Remus that was driving him up the walls. No, what drove Sirius a little insane was the rest of Bella Dona. They were nearing the end of another 6-hour stretch in the studio. The studio was one of four that were located in the small building, with other bands constantly flowing through. Tonight, as many other nights, they were the last band scheduled to leave. They were somewhat on track and nearing a stopping point when low and behold, Lily started to curse Sirius out and walked out of the studio. Naturally, Alice followed with a package of cigarettes and Dorcas trailed after with a sigh. It allowed Sirius with a little more alone time with Remus (Billy, the sound engineer 'discretely' left for a bathroom break). But it didn't help that he now had a splitting headache.

Sirius had only worked with a handful of artists under the title of producer but they were normally obliging. They listened to his advice and were willing to do a number of takes until things were perfect. Bella Donna, particularly Lily and Alice, were a pain in Sirius' side. They would begrudgingly agree to do retakes but eventually would argue about it. And when Sirius would try to push their limits, to push their abilities and try and get them to do something that would maybe challenge them a bit, they'd bite back with a comment or curse. It made the whole recording process tedious, stressful and much longer than it probably needed to be. After roughly a week in the studio, they'd only recorded three songs. While some bands might take the same amount of time for maybe one song, Sirius knew they could be moving faster. Also, he wasn't sure exactly how much more studio time their record company would be able to buy them. Most importantly though, he knew that the girls were giving him a hard time on purpose. They might have agreed to let him produce the album but they weren't happy about his presence in general. They still hated him.

At least Alice and Lily did. Dorcas appeared to be rather ambivalent about it all. She redid her parts with a shrug and occasionally an eye roll but seemed to take some of Sirius' advice to mind. That was all Sirius could really ask for at this point. He wasn't naïve enough to think that producing their album would automatically put him in their good books (well a part of him considered it for a moment). The begrudging respect from the day they first heard the demos had tapered off considerably.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt someone sit next to him on the studio sofa. In what now seemed to be a conditioned reaction, Sirius felt his pulse quicken at the smell of Remus and the urge to just nuzzle his neck and inhale grew exponentially. Looking over but not willing to meet his eyes, Sirius mumbled.

"Shouldn't you be out with them bitching about me?"

"I got all my bitching out a few months ago," Remus stated simply. When Sirius didn't answer back, he continued. "Lily's just being a bitch because she thinks I'm not giving you a hard enough time."

"Don't you think you deserve to give me a hard time?" This time, Sirius risked looking at Remus and was met with a small smile.

"Yeah, I do. I guess I deserve to say quite a few things to you and I had everything planned out too. Had a whole speech that ended in me punching you. And up until a couple weeks ago, I thought I was still going through with it but you know? I just got tired. That day when you showed us the demos, I was tried because I saw you and I was angry and then I wasn't and then I thought I needed to be angry again. And I realised how stupid it was that I blamed you for everything that happened because yeah, you were a dick and didn't believe me but you didn't stuff crack up my nose. That was my choice, not yours.

"And then I realised how tired I've been all this time. Tired about thinking of what I would do when we finally met up, if we did. Tired of wondering if I was going to kiss you or punch you. Tired at letting it consume my life. So I let it go," Remus stated seriously before grinning and looking Sirius in the eye. "Besides, listening to all the songs of how I angry I was about you seemed like a fitting punishment."

"I suppose. Though if I had a choice, I would prefer the kiss over the punch," teased Sirius. That's how things seemed to be between them now. Testing waters, trying to find a comfort level. Sirius hadn't been sure of what was going through Remus' mind up until this moment. It seemed that he'd at least forgiven Sirius. For now, that seemed like enough.

"Watch it Black," warned Remus but his tone was lighter and he leaned in towards Sirius.

"Were you always this smart? Or have I only noticed it now?" Sirius asked quietly with his own lean. His heart leaped into this throat as the atmosphere thickened.

"Much as I'd hate to admit it, something from those therapy sessions must have stuck."

They sat there for longer than they wanted to know, just staring into each other's eyes and taking in the other's presence. Sirius was afraid to say anything in reply for fear that he'd break the moment. So much was running through his mind but he choose to ignore it, just so he could at least have this one moment to enjoy. Before they realised what was happening, they started to close the gap. It felt so natural and suddenly made so much sense.

Just as their lips were about to touch, they heard the doorknob turn. Both men jumped back at the sound and looked over in time to see Billy walking in.

"We've got about forty minutes left scheduled for the day. You still want to record the rest of Lily's set or move on?" he asked, sipping out of a coffee mug. A heavy breath that Sirius hadn't realised he'd held was released.

"I'll go talk some sense into her if Dorcas hasn't already," offered Remus, standing up and putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. He gave it a squeeze before leaving. It made Sirius' thudding heart beat even faster. Another touch, another tease and another pull on Sirius' sanity. There had been many moments like this since recording started. Moments that only lasted a split second where Sirius thought that maybe there was something left to salvage between them. When he thought he found something, suddenly, it would be over and he'd feel even emptier than before. But not now. Now he was overwhelmed with ardour and gasping for more. His head swam and some of what Remus had said was floating through his head. Words spilled out of his mouth before he really had a chance to think about what he was saying.

"Remus, I'm sorry about what happened," confessed Sirius, looking Remus sincerely in the eye. An understanding nod was his affirmation.

"I know. I forgive you, do you forgive yourself?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrow before walking out the door. It left Sirius to ponder over what just transpired.

"You want me to get you a coffee? I think you need it if they convince Lily to come back," Billy asked, not knowing what was going on between the two men.

"No, no I, I need to make a call," Sirius said, pulling out his mobile and making his way towards the small kitchenette that was a sort of common room for all the studios in the small building. Given the late hour, he knew he wouldn't be disturbed until Lily calmed down. Ready or not, he sifted through his contacts and found the one number he'd been dreading to think about. After three rings, there was a frantic answer.

"Sirius? Is it really you? God, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. If I could go back and take it all back I swear I would!"

"I know Pete. Hey, we shouldn't do this over the phone. You want to catch lunch tomorrow? We need to talk. I've been a complete idiot about a lot of things."

* * *

Studio time had improved quite a bit after their conversation on the sofa. Lily was dragged back into the studio with a pout and forced apology on her lips. There hadn't been as large of an argument after that and the atmosphere seemed to lighten considerably. Things had actually started to become fun. The girls were more receptive to what Sirius asked of them and he could only wonder what it was that Remus had said to them. From the sulky mood that Lily and Alice seemed to be in that night Remus had dragged them back in, it must have been harsh. At least, Sirius imagined it was. The next day though, they seemed to have grown up and weren't as childish as before. They were actually working hard for their next album

Despite their eventual compliance, there were times where he'd feel their glares on his back. This mostly happened when he and Remus got particularly close, as was becoming more and more common. Every so often, they'd go up to each other, just to enjoy the company. Sometimes, if Sirius was particularly lucky, Remus would place his hand next to Sirius' so that they'd touch ever so lightly. In all these moments, Sirius just knew that he was in love more than he'd ever been. This time, he felt lighter, almost free.

Once he'd had lunch with Peter to clear up the air, a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was as if he'd been allowed to really feel again without a care in the world. Lily's side glares or Alice's snarky comments didn't matter. Sirius was in love with Remus and no one could say anything to make him feel otherwise. The only thing that caused him any doubt was Remus himself. Even though Sirius was happy for the time being, he was still worried about how to handle their relationship, or more accurately their friendship. He didn't dare make a move until he knew that everything was okay with Remus. Forgiveness didn't mean he was clear to resume where they'd left off and that wasn't what Sirius had in mind either.

Some of this was going through his head as the two of them walked towards Sirius' hotel. It had been a rather short session in the studio and they decided that they could clock out early with all the progress that had been made. Remus, after learning Sirius had taken a hotel room in the area, offered to walk Sirius back to his hotel. They'd taken off to enjoy the early night air while the girls headed for the tube. Arguing looks between Remus and Lily before they separated didn't escape him though. It just added to his confusion.

The walk consisted of a series of polite conversations and long silences where both men would crawl back into their own thoughts. Sirius ached to know what Remus appeared to be considering but he didn't press. The back of their hands would brush against each other every so often and he decided to be happy with that. Sooner than he'd wanted, they reached The Courtyard Hotel.

"So, this is where you're staying now?" Remus looked up at The Courtyard with a raised brow.

"Yeah, I haven't really gotten round to trying to find a more permanent place. Sold my flat before I went…before I started recording my latest album. Not sure I want to stay in London to be honest. There are better cities," shrugged Sirius. He wasn't sure if he should get the front desk to call a cab for Remus or not. Honestly, he just wanted something to do so he didn't feel so awkward and unsure. The one thing he had been waiting for was a sign from Remus, just something to tell him what was happening and what was allowed. Sirius had gone into this with a goal but just one look at Remus' eyes and he ended up confused in the dark again. He wasn't sure how Remus seemed to be able to do that to him without fail.

"Not as fancy as I thought. Thought you required at least a lion stone head on it. If I remember correctly, you were staying at the Ritz in Paris. You slumming it for any reason?" asked Remus, completely composed. Mentioning their previous rendez-vous in France made Sirius' pulse quicken. It could mean nothing. Or it could mean quite a bit. Sirius felt as if he was walking on thin ice and hoped he could make it to the other side without falling in.

"Been moving between a few. Throws off paparazzi. I've got a pretty good system now. Like I said, London's not the best city in the world. In some of them I hardly get stopped on the street."

"So you gonna invite me up?" Remus asked suddenly, causing Sirius' eyes to grow almost saucer like. The facial expression Remus employed was unreadable and Sirius felt the ice start to crack with false hope. He didn't know what Remus was suggesting and he was afraid of what it might all mean or not. Did Remus want to just have a talk? Did he have some revenge planned all this time?

Sirius stared for a few moments before answering.

"Uh, oh, sure," he stumbled a little, trying to compose himself before he led them up into his room in silence. As they walked, Sirius couldn't help but notice how much closer Remus was walking next to him now and it only made Sirius all the more nervous. By the time the elevator doors closed, he found he needed to actually think about breathing normally. Each intake of air seemed to be filled more and more with Remus' spicy scent. It made Sirius dizzy. When the elevator opened to his floor, he took a gulp of the fresh air to help him steady a bit.

"I'm probably not slumming it as much as you think," Sirius admitted when he opened the door and revealed his room. Thankfully, the maid service cleaned up his mess daily or else the room would have looked like a hurricane flew through. The room had a relatively good amount of space. It was a suite, so they saw the sofa and coffee table first. From there, an open doorway lead into the bedroom and a corner of the king-sized bed peaked through.

"There's a mini-bar if you want to help yourself. Uh, not that you have to, if you're not drinking anymore."

"I'm fine."

"Good," Sirius replied, deciding to put his hands in his pockets because they appeared awkward all of a sudden. Just as he was about to make another inane comment, Remus tackled him with a kiss.

Hands pulled Sirius' face towards Remus' and lips met in a bruising kiss. It took a few seconds for Sirius to actually register what was happening. Just as Remus slowed in uncertainty, Sirius picked up the pace. Their bodies flushed against each other's and Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around Remus' waist. When he felt a bite on his lower lip, Sirius opened his mouth so their tongues met in a rough fight as they hungrily explored mouths that were familiar and a little foreign at the same time. With a strength that was new, Remus pushed Sirius against the door. A disappointed grunt left Sirius and the sound of his back thudding against the door were heard before Remus attacked Sirius mouth with renewed vigour. Fingers inched their way under Sirius shirt and traced the area of his tattoo. He sent up thanks to whoever was in charge cosmically and had prevented his getting it removed.

They separated finally for air and Remus almost tore Sirius' jacket in half trying to get it off him.

"You've been driving me crazy," Remus growled and licked Sirius' neck. "First you're keen then you're too timid to even make a move."

"I didn't want to presume. I've been an arse to you," admitted Sirius, moaning at every touch.

"Sirius, I don't care what happens after tonight. I don't care if you decide to never talk to me again. All I wanted was one more night pretending things were okay so I could move on," stated Remus, desperately grabbing Sirius' hair and rubbing up against him in pure need. The slight pain sent just enough blood to his brain.

"No, no, no," Sirius insisted, pushing Remus away slightly so they could look each other in the eye. Loneliness and desperation swam in Remus' eyes. It made Sirius heart ache because he was the reason for it. "No, if we do this, we're not going to forget and move on. I refuse to let this mean nothing to you."

"It won't," whispered Remus, snaking arms around Sirius and nuzzling his neck.

"I never stopped loving you. I promise. I promise I won't ever stop," Sirius swore, running a hand against Remus' cheek then pulling him into a tender kiss. When they broke apart, they both shared huge grins. The heat was still there but they held back, placing their foreheads together so they could compose themselves slightly but not break the contact and understanding they had reached. Just as their breaths slowed, Sirius led them towards the bed. A few more tender kisses were shared as they sat on the edge. Sirius started to take off his shirt and he watched Remus do the same with his own clothes but stopped suddenly to fish something out of his leather jacket pocket. A smile reached Sirius' lips when he saw it was a small bottle of lube and some condoms. They kept their trousers on but took off their shoes and socks.

"Planning this for a while?" Sirius asked, pushing Remus backwards so he could straddle him.

"Like I said, I was hoping for one more night," Remus admitted between soft kisses before Sirius shushed him.

"And I would give you an eternity of nights."

"You've gotten more sentimental since we last chatted," observed Remus, smirking a little.

"Don't tell me you don't like it because I'm only this way for you."

"As long as it's _only_ for me."

"Of course," promised Sirius, running hands over the new stomach and chest muscles. They enjoyed kissing and letting wandering hands explore their upper bodies for a while. There was no longer a rush. Lips and teeth tugged, letting moans and gasps to cover each other. Sirius found himself on top of Remus and after letting out a guttural groan, started to slowly rub their groins together. Remus breathed Sirius name and wrapped legs around his waist so they were pulled even closer together. The pace quickened a fraction when Remus dig his fingernails into the chest above him.

Not wanting to break contact, Sirius placed small kisses along Remus' collar bone and tried to undo their trouser buttons. He wasn't having much success until Remus realised what he was trying to do and assisted. Soon, they were alternating between desperately trying to get out of any item of clothing left and trying to keep as much skin to skin contact as possible. Eventually, Remus pushed Sirius away so they could tug off their underwear. He also took the opportunity to grab the bottle of lube. Once he poured a generous amount onto his hand, Sirius slipped the bottle into his grip to do the same.

Remus groaned loudly as he ran his lubed hand up and down his length. Impatiently, Sirius rubbed the lube on his cock a few times before he kissed Remus and started to rub their lengths together rapidly. Both men almost screamed in pleasure and had to fight to find a slower pace. They didn't want it to end too soon.

A slow, sensual pace was discovered and they enjoyed the heat of their bodies and the bursts of pleasure crackling between them. Remus' legs wrapped around Sirius' waist once more and he lifted up to meet every thrust, groaning each time. They weren't sure how long they lasted at this almost torturous pace but they didn't care all too much. Fingernails digging into Remus' hip and the nips turning into bites against Sirius' neck seemed a good indication for them to speed up. They raced towards completion, enjoying every jolt of pleasure, every breathy groan and slap of skin against skin. Sirius came first with a grunt but didn't stop until he felt Remus' cum joining his own.

Spent and exhausted, Sirius rolled off, letting the both of them catch their breaths. Once they cooled down, they took some time to use the tissues by the bed to clean up before lying back down. They didn't cuddle gave each other space to think about what had happened and what was going to come.

They were only about 5 inches apart but it still felt too far for Sirius. He looked at the space between them, thinking about how the wrinkled white sheets looked like an icy tundra. Sirius longed to cross it and melt into Remus but a soft pang in his chest stopped him.

"I almost died because of you. For you," whispered Remus, sad resignation flashing behind his eyes.

"I know," admitted Sirius guiltily, reaching out to stroke the arm Remus draped in the space between them. A stray finger caressed the tattoos swirling to the scars on Remus' wrists. The touch made Remus sigh and close his eyes for a moment.

"So, where do we go from here?" Remus asked, throwing Sirius off a little. Sirius hadn't expected Remus to ask him the very same question he posed that day he found him smoking outside of Sevan. Taking a moment to think before he answered, Sirius studied Remus' face. There were a few more lines around his eyes and mouth, causing Sirius to wonder whether it was from the stress of the past year or the drug binge. Or both.

Not wanting to dwell on the past right now, Sirius shifted his gaze to the slight furrow of Remus' brow and the anxiety written there. The only thought that ran through his mind was how much he wanted to kiss the worry from that brow- how he wanted to be the only one to kiss it from this moment on till his dying day. Eyes shifted to Remus' slightly chapped lips next and Sirius knew that those were the only lips that could kiss away any fear, anxiety, pain that he would ever feel. They both seemed to know what they wanted but were too scared to reach out for it. Afraid that if they allowed themselves to be happy once more, it wouldn't last and they'd go full circle, back to where it ended the first time.

At last, answer now on the tip of Sirius' tongue, he shifted his eyes to Remus' blue eyes. They seemed sadder than he remembered, almost haunted or lost maybe. Sirius wanted to lead Remus away so that he'd never have those feelings clouding his gaze ever again. The caressing hand moved from feeling the scars to entwining with Remus' fingers. Lying there, side-by-side and just studying Remus's face made Sirius feel so at peace with the world. The sensation of elation spread through his body, straight down to the very tips of his hair. With it, was a sudden realization, a life altering epiphany rained down on him. He didn't care how cliché'd it may had sounded.

Confidently, Sirius closed the gap between them. He took simple joy in just wrapping his arm around Remus' waist and twining their legs together. He kissed the furrowed brow and rested his own against it, so he could look deep into the light blue eyes. Their bodies were flushed against each other and Sirius knew this was right. He ran a soft hand through Remus' hair and earned a peaceful sigh.

The bad that had happened between them when they were together shaped them but it was in the past. Nothing could change it. All they could do was accept it and move on because there was only right now, this moment that mattered. Their breaths mingling, Sirius' heart beating in time with Remus'. If anything else horrible were to happen to them in the future, it would have to come but in the end, they'd be stronger for it. Rumours could be spread but Sirius would only have eyes for Remus. He wouldn't listen to them because he didn't care anymore what others wanted him to be. The only thing Sirius could do was try to make himself happy and right now, that meant being with Remus. They still had a great deal to talk through but this was a good start. For once, Sirius was no longer afraid. With a confident smile, he finally answered.

"We go forward."


End file.
